


Runnin' Down a Dream

by SpoonerGirl1



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas, Eventual Smut, Holidays, M/M, New Year's Eve, Slow Build Castiel/Dean Winchester, Slow Burn, Some Angst - Not Too Much, Songfic, Thanksgiving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-05-29 17:23:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 67,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6385513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpoonerGirl1/pseuds/SpoonerGirl1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's winter, and the holidays are just around the corner. Dean Winchester has a great, busy life, albeit a lonely one. Castiel Novak is just as lonely and he's feeling stuck, mundane, and out of place...and then he meets Dean. All Castiel can think about is how to break down Dean's internal walls and get him to see what's right in front of him. Charlie, Dean's sister and Castiel's best friend, has a plan. One that involves family and friends and the charm of the holiday season. (Included is a small homage to Felicia Day's Eureka character, Holly, and a nod to Faith from Buffy.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Child of Babylon

_ _

 

_~~~~~_

_I am a child of Babylon_  
_Lord, have mercy on a wayward son_  
_Nowhere to hide, got no place to run_  
_I am a child, child of Babylon_

_Child of Babylon - Whitesnake_

~~~~~

It was six A.M. and the Whitesnake song, Child of Babylon blared over the bodega-style corner store's speakers. Castiel Novak had found that ever since high school, rock music - mostly classic rock and the hair band stuff - was the music genre that suited him best. At first it started as his little version of rebellion, but he soon realized that the hard-hitting drums, shredding electric guitars, meaningful storytelling lyrics and singer's strong, high pitched voices just fit his moods so perfectly no matter what his mood seemed to be, or what song was playing. Some people say that scent is the strongest sense tied to memory, but for Castiel, that was music. Every moment of his life that he remembered, good or bad, seemed to have a song tied to it.

That morning, that particular song was spot on for the kind of day he was having. Helped by the music, Castiel moved through his mediocre day as if on autopilot. Put on ugly blue vest and white name tag. Clean, sanitize and start slushy machine. Clean, sanitize and start roller-grill. Check Co2 and ice for soda machines. Take inventory and restock. Count and record money in register. Unlock front door and turn on "open" sign. Wait for customers. Life as the manager of this little convenience store, in this little corner of the world was not particularly exciting. Work, home, and the very occasional blind date his friend made him attend was about all there was to his life lately.

Castiel liked interacting with customers, for the most part. Sure, some were rude, and the kids could be jerks, but nine times out of ten if he was nice to them, they were nice to him. Yeah, so he wasn't the greatest with people; he lacked the easygoing, playful and witty banter that seemed to come easy to others, but he wasn't antisocial. He liked to ask how a person's day was and enjoyed what little interaction he had with people. Yes, he knew people thought he was a bit weird, but he liked to think of himself as book-smart and a bit eccentric.

It was a particularly slow day. The air outside was downright frigid, which was right on point for the beginning of November. The snow was just starting to fall again, and nobody in their right mind was out walking around, or driving around on the icy roads. Castiel was now sitting on the stool behind the counter, leaning on the register. He had finished thumbing through his magazine, and his mind began to wander, as it often did when there were no customers.

 _I've got to get out of this rut, and go back to college_ , he thought _. Wait, how am I gonna do that, when the best job I could find is watching hot dogs overcook on this roller grill?_ Castiel chuckled to himself. _If Dad hadn't walked out on us the split second I graduated high school, like he was just waiting for his chance to bolt..._ Castiel sighed and stared at a spot on the wall, remembering. The memory was still so fresh, and it still hurt, even though it took place almost ten years earlier...

~~~~~

_It was the beginning of summer, and he was so happy, finally coming home from his last day of senior year, free at last! His happiness was short lived, though. He closed the front door and heard his mom, Naomi, crying. He found her sitting at the dining room table, divorce papers in one hand, and a drink in the other. He'd never known her to drink. Ever. She was about as right-winged Christian as they came; no swearing, drinking, smoking, nudity, loud music, or anything else the good lord might frown upon._

_His Dad, Chuck Shurley (a.k.a. Carver Edlund to his fans) was not an overtly religious man. He believed in God (his fans believed HE was God), but when he was home, his morning ritual was a glass of whiskey and a cigar, which he took with him into his study so he could work on whatever his current novel was at the time. His mom always hated it, but it was part of his creative process, and that process paid the bills, so she put up with it. She never touched the stuff, though, and often preached the dangers of smoking, drinking, rock and roll, and premarital sex to her baby boy. Not that it did any good. Castiel rebelled in his own way against his mother's religious teachings as soon as he realized he could. He drank with his friends (sometimes...ok just that once, but it was only wine from the church's kitchen), he kissed boys (ok, just that one really hot, popular boy...but that wasn't real anyway), and he swore (well, he didn't really know how to swear so much as string swear-like words together, which came out sounding awkward). Seeing the whiskey in her glass, though, and the empty bottle on the kitchen counter was new to Castiel, and was an immediate cause for concern._

_"Mom, what's wrong?" Cas asked softly, as he sat down beside her at the table._

_His mom took a sip of the whiskey and said, while trying not to cry, "Apparently your father got sick of us. He found someone new, started a new family, and doesn't want us anymore." She let him look at the papers. Irreconcilable differences, it said, as the reason for the divorce._

_Castiel sat stunned for a moment. He had no idea his dad was unhappy. His parents never fought, at least not that he knew of. His dad was a successful author, and so he wasn't always home because of his book tours and promoting, but he always provided for his family, and when he was home, he was always there for Castiel. There was never any indication that he was unhappy, and that was the worst part. What a terrible thing to do, to walk out on your family. What kind of dad makes a family, raises them, nurtures them and then leaves without a word? What kind of man can just decide he's done with this life, abandon it, and make a new one?_

_Castiel made up his mind then, and said deliberately, with strength in his voice, "If he feels we aren't worthy of his love, then he's an assbutt, and we don't need him."_

_His mom stared at him, and he was sure she'd scold him for swearing. Instead, she'd surprised him by throwing her head back and laughing. She laughed so hard she had fresh tears in her eyes. She hugged him and said, "You're right, Castiel, my sweet boy. We're_ _going to_ _be ok."_

_~~~~~_

She wasn't wrong, but not everything was peaches and cream, either. His mom sold most of their furniture and belongings in order to stay afloat, determined to put Castiel through college. Her hours working as a church's secretary were long, she didn't make much money, and the budget didn't allow for any more big dinners or much fun. She made do with what little they had, and insisted that Castiel continue to live at home while taking classes. It was pretty rough for them both, but they had each other, for a while.

A few years later, when Castiel was just twenty years old, his mom had had fallen ill, and succumbed to cancer shortly after that. She was under so much stress from being in debt to the bank for the house she took a second mortgage on to send him to school, and in debt to the weasel lawyer that got her nothing in the divorce settlement. She had nothing to leave to Castiel in her will, so there he was, leaving college with just a few credits to go before graduation, and taking care of his mom in her final days while working a dead-end job, trying desperately to pay off her debts, living on borrowed time in a house he didn't own. He knew he'd have to leave the house when the bank foreclosed, but, oh, the memories that house held. Memories of the laughter, the togetherness when his dad was home; the family dinners and playing catch in the back yard... _At least my dad didn't ruin that memory for me before he left_ , Castiel thought. _He was good when he was around, and I know he loved me, but he could have been a better person._

He'd learned from his mom, after the divorce was final, that he had half-siblings that were born here and there throughout Castiel's childhood, and throughout the world. He'd never met them. _And_ _I never want to_ _,_ he thought forcefully. If his dad hadn't all but disappeared before, he sure as hell did after his mom died. He couldn't find any trace of the man, and Castiel was pretty sure his dad was even writing under a new pseudonym. He didn't know where he was now, nor did he care. He never got a Christmas card. Not even a call on his birthday. The man's old life had ceased to exist the moment he left. So as a final nail his dad's proverbial coffin, Castiel legally changed his last name from Shurley to his mom's maiden name, Novak. He sighed again and closed his eyes, willing the clock to move so the day would be over faster.

Around nine A.M. the chime over the door went off, and his friend, Charlie, stepped through, shaking the snow out of her long, red hair. She smiled when he looked up. "Hey, Cas! How's it hangin', babe?"

 


	2. At The Carwash

_At the car wash_  
_Talkin' about the car wash, yeah_  
_Car wash._ _Wooh_ _ooh_  
_Workin'_ _at the car wash yeah_

_Car Wash - Rose_ _Royce_

~~~~~

At nine A.M. Charlie Singer kissed her girlfriend, Dorothy (or Dot to anyone who knew her) goodbye, put her earbuds in, and pushed play on her phone. She set out on the six block walk from her apartment building to the bus stop by the Stop 'n Save, where her friend, Castiel worked. She figured she'd stop in and waste some time before the bus got there. It was quite chilly, snowing lightly, and she had her favorite song playing in her ears. _The perfect walking song_ , she thought cheerfully. _Life is good_.

Ever since she and her partner, Dorothy Baum, had decided to take their relationship to the next level and move in together, life had become pretty damn near perfect. Dot was the literal awesomeness. A) She drove a giant 4-wheel drive pickup, B) She was badass hunter, along with most of Charlie's family at their business, Singer's Hunting Camp & Weapons Supply - which incidentally is how they met - and C) she was beautiful and wicked smart. _It takes a lot to put up with me_ , Charlie mused, _and my woman can keep up, no problem_. She smiled to herself and picked up her pace.

The bite in the air and the pretty, glistening snowflakes had her in a good mood. She just loved the beginnings of winter with the grey days and the cold weather and the snow, because that meant that the holidays were just around the corner. Holidays meant time spent with her family, and that was the most precious of all to her. She couldn't wait until everyone was under one cozy roof, eating and drinking, laughing and just being happy. _Miracles happen during the holidays_ , thought Charlie. _It's when everyone comes together and for a while, everything is right with the world_. For the last two blocks Charlie's mind was on her family, and how she came to be a part of it.

When she was seven years old, she and her parents were in a car crash, and she was the only survivor. If it hadn't been for Bobby and Ellen Singer coming across the accident and getting help, she might not be alive. Eventually, they worked out a way to foster, then adopt her, and made her a part of the family without question. She loved their daughter, Jo, like her own flesh and blood sister, and when Sam and Dean Winchester were thrown into the mix, it just made things that much more fun. Family dinners were messy and loud and funny, and so full of love. For as much teenage angst and rebellion as four kids brought to the table, there were double the laughs and double the friendship, and they all had each other's backs.

Charlie sighed happily as she rounded the corner to the store. She stepped inside and shook the snow out of her hair, and was immediately accosted by blaring hair metal. "Hey, Cas! How's it hangin?" She said loudly. Then she saw his sad face, and hurried over to him.

"Cas, are you ok?" She looked up and gestured at the ceiling, where the speakers were located. "You know, I think it's this music you listen to. It gives you a gloomy vibe, dude." She was nearly shouting now. "You thinking about your mom again? You know she'd be ok with where you are, Cas. She'd be proud of you no matter what. You can't dwell on the past! It's not good for your face. It'll give you wrinkles." Castiel just smiled softly and let her go on talking. There wasn't much point in trying to get a word in when she was on a roll.

"Anyway," said Charlie, leaning over the counter, changing the radio station and turning the volume down. "I'm here now and I'm awesome, so you've got nothing to worry about. There, that's better, right?" She did a little twirl as some popular, upbeat and overly sugary sounding song came blasting over the stores speakers, and Castiel winced.

"You know, I think I'd rather listen to nothing than this nonsense," He said dryly.

Charlie turned the music down and said, "Yeah, you're right. It does kinda suck." She whirled around suddenly and exclaimed "I know! You need to come out to the bar tonight!" She winked at Castiel, and cocked her head to the side in what he called her 'signature trouble-making look.' "You know you need to get out, Cas. Stop making that face! You're gonna wrinkle prematurely and then you'll never find a hot guy to settle down with! Besides, my brother just hired this cute new cook, Kevin, and I think he could be your type." Charlie tapped her chin with one finger, and Castiel could see the wheels turning in her head.

Charlie was not known for her skills in setting people up on dates. Not ones that ended well, anyway, but they did make for some pretty funny bad date stories. Like the time she tried setting him up with her LARPing friend, Aaron, who collected clay golems. Castiel had never met anyone who brought mud and stick action figures to dinner, and apparently neither did the rest of the people in the restaurant, if the stares and whispers were any indication. Needless to say, dinner didn't last long and Aaron became number one on Castiel's Not-My-Type list; a list Charlie would keep trying to add to until she helped him find 'The One.'

She knew that Castiel was either gay or bisexual pretty quickly after meeting him. He'd been working at the store, right next to her bus stop, for a little over a year now. She went in every day to buy a coffee before work, and they had become fast friends. He wasn't like, OUT, but he wasn't exactly IN, either. She knew he wasn't hiding it, but he wasn't necessarily putting himself out there and dating, which is why she felt compelled to help him along. _He's so adorable and doesn't even know it._ She thought. _Especially with a couple drinks in him_. She remembered how, during one of their more infamous drunken best-friends-movie-night sleepovers, they were discussing first kisses and he got all adorable and shy and blushed like a girl when he told her how he'd kissed the most popular boy in high school, even though it ended up just being a prank by the popular kids. Poor Cas. That was the first time he'd actually admitted he liked guys.

Even if he hadn't said anything, though, she'd have figured it out. She had a knack for solving mysteries, and the mystery of why Castiel Novak never had a girlfriend was an easy nut to crack. She was on to him when she caught him checking out dude's asses, and smiling at all the cute guys but hardly ever at the pretty women. Then she remembered the first time she really knew for sure that he was gayer than RuPaul's shiniest sequined dress, way before he confirmed it. The day she actually witnessed him drop what he was doing, go all goo-goo and mush-mouthed, and stumble over himself to help that particularly fabulous looking dude in the leather jacket and motorcycle boots, who totally flirted with him, and then gushed for days about it. Not that she blamed him. Even though she was a lesbian, she could admit that Motorcycle Man was a pretty fine specimen. Charlie shook the memory out of her head and looked over at Castiel. The horrified look on his face told her he'd rather be surrounded by large, unhappy dogs than go out to a bar and be set up again. But, whatever.

"Come on, dude! Live a little! I'll be there, and you can sit in a corner booth where you can people watch. It'll be good for you, and you know it." Castiel knew he'd lose this fight, so he gave up and nodded. Charlie pumped her fist in the air triumphantly. "Yes! Score one for the almighty queen!" Castiel groaned at her.

Charlie knew by the the sound of that groan that he wouldn't be very good company for much longer, so she grabbed her bag, threw on her jacket, and called over her shoulder on her way out, "Salvage Yard at seven, Cas. Be there!" She stepped out the door and out of sight, and walked over to her bus stop. She sat down and waited for the bus that would take her to work, which was located a little way out of town. She worked as the waitress and computer-everything-extraordinaire when needed, at The Salvage Yard, the small bar and grill owned by her brother, Dean Winchester. No harm in showing up early, she thought. I'm sure Dean will welcome the company, and I need a plan for Cas and Kevin anyway.

Because of the new layer of snow and dangerous driving conditions, it wasn't until about forty minutes later that she stepped off the bus and walked through the back door and into the kitchen, where Dean and Kevin were talking. "What's up, bitches?" She said, smiling.


	3. Lonely is the Night

_Lonely is the night, when you find yourself alone_  
_Your demons come to light, and your mind is not your own_  
_Lonely is the night, when there's no one left to call_  
_You feel the time is right, the writin's on the wall_

_Lonely is The Night - Billy Squier_  
  


~~~~~

It was almost eleven A.M, and Dean Winchester walked into the bar from the small kitchen in the back. His business had been doing so well lately that he and Charlie were stretched thin with cooking, serving, bussing tables, not to mention the day to day managing of the place and tending bar. He'd finally broken down and admitted he needed help. He hired a new cook, local college kid Kevin Tran, so that he could finally focus solely on tending bar and being the owner/manager.

He'd just finished giving Kevin a crash course in The Salvage Yard's menu. It wasn't hard, since all he had on the menu were burgers, fries and pizza. But small didn't mean bad. As a matter of fact, if you wanted the best burger in the state of South Dakota, you went to The Salvage Yard and ordered his specialty, the Hell Hound. A third-pound burger with three kinds of cheese, bacon, jalapeños, a fried egg, his secret chipotle sauce, and a couple onion rings on top. It was big and messy, had a bit of a bite, and it was delicious. Seriously. It won awards.  His signature pizza, the Four Horsemen, wasn't too shabby either.  He'd taken second place with it in the previous year's local foodie contest.  The delicious combination of smoked pepperoni, crumbled bacon, sweet Italian sausage and peppered ground beef, along with four local artisan cheeses was sure to bring the reaper around looking for his next heart attack victim.

He walked through the room, turning on the lights and the jukebox. He loved his bar, but sometimes he still couldn't quite believe it was all his. If someone had told him ten years ago that he'd be the owner of a thriving bar and grill, he'd have laughed in their face. He'd barely graduated high school, and didn't have a chance in hell of getting into a college. Getting teenage Dean to calm down and take school seriously was like trying to tame a lion. His baby brother, Sam on the other hand, that kid was a frickin' genius. He could earn straight A's in his sleep. He was currently across the country attending Stanford Law after already earning his bachelor's degree in criminal justice, and was well on his way to becoming a lawyer. He'd met his wife, Jessica while in college, and they were ridiculously happy together. He felt another swell of pride in his chest. _I raised him right,_ he thought _. Dad would be happy._

Dean had always promised his dad, John, that he'd take care of Sam. Their mom, Mary, had died when Sam was just a toddler, and Dean vowed, at age seven, that he'd always be the best big brother he could be. Their dad, a traveling sales rep for a national auto parts distributor, would leave the boys with their uncle Bobby and Aunt Ellen whenever he had to be out of town for work, and would tell Dean that he counted on him to take care of Sam until he could come home. Dean took that responsibility to heart. Sam would have nightmares, and Dean would calm him. Sam would get bullied and Dean would defend him. When their dad passed away suddenly of a heart attack while out on a job, Dean was Seventeen and Sam was fourteen. Dean promised Sam that he'd never leave him _. I never thought Sam would leave me, though_ , he thought, with a tightening in his chest.

Bobby and Ellen were the boys' godparents, so after John died, the boys went to live with them at the hunting camp, joining their growing family.  It was fun growing up with the Singers, learning hunting and survival skills, and it was fun having sisters. When Sam finally left for college, though, Dean took it hard and found himself in a bit of a depression, which led to way too much partying and general reckless behavior. He was twenty-one, so they had little say over his life, but Bobby and Ellen could see that he was on a path to self-destruction. He was running with a group of guys who were not upstanding citizens, least of all the group's supposed leader, Fergus McCleod, or Crowley as he was known to his little gang of thieves and credit card scam artists. 

This unexpected turn of events posed a problem for Bobby and Ellen; help Dean find himself, or kick him out and see if he'd make it on his own. They chose the former, and on his twenty second birthday, Bobby and Ellen gave Dean the best, and scariest gift he's ever received - an ultimatum. He could have his very own business, or they would turn him in, along with the rest of his friends. The business came with the stipulation that he stop his association with Crowley's group of thugs, and start behaving like someone who had something to contribute to society.  He took them up on their offer, and they helped him gut-out and refurbish the small building Bobby had opened his first salvage and automotive shop in before their own business grew. Then they helped him get the proper licenses and permits, and taught him how to budget and order supplies, and hire and pay employees.  He eventually got used to running the place and he began to make a profit.  He found he was quite good at cooking and he loved being his own boss, and making money legitimately.

He leaned forward, resting his face in his hands, elbows on the bar, and surveyed the tables and small dance floor.  He let the music from the juke box wash over him. _Billy Squier_ , he thought, _you get me, man. They just don't make music like this anymore_. His jukebox was full of classic rock, and some of the hair band stuff, and nothing else. If his customers didn't like it, they didn't need to stay. Just like his rule for his car, 'owner picks the music, customer shuts his cake hole.' He even had a sign that said as much on the wall above the jukebox. Music was the one thing that kept him grounded, and at the same time, it was one of his only escapes. He chose his music to fit his moods, _and the way I feel lately, this song is just perfect_ , he thought. _The closer it gets to sundown, the more alone I feel. I can fill this place with the whole damn town, and I'm still alone._ He rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair, and scoffed. He pushed himself up, and got busy stocking the bar before the he had to open the doors for the day.

As he worked his mind came back to that constantly nagging thought in the back of his mind that happiness - in the form of marriage, a family of his own - was just not a tangible thing for him. The happiness and love that surrounded him in Bobby and Ellen, in Charlie and Dot, in Sam and Jess, and his other sister Jo and her husband, Ash - well, it just wasn't meant for him. Not that he didn't deserve love and happiness, you understand, it was just an elusive bitch that never presented itself. Ever since he'd started dating as a teenager, and especially over the last ten years, every one of his relationships either ended badly or wasn't a real relationship to begin with.

He'd always considered himself quite the ladies' man, and on occasion, he'd been known to go home with a good looking guy, if the mood suited him and if it was done without prying eyes. Dean considered himself, oh, about sixty five percent hetero.  Maybe he didn't fully admit to being bisexual, especially to his family, but he didn't discount good sex from either gender. He really, really liked sex, but he didn't go around announcing his preferences. He just let those who were interested come to him. The more he tried, though, the less sex had worked for filling that void - that constant ache in his chest - and he'd stopped dating and having sex altogether.  He'd started to feel ridiculously inadequate, and the reality of his loneliness would hit him hard as he'd slip out of one bed, and into his own, alone, night after night. If he was being brutally honest with himself, the one night stands had done nada for his loneliness and even less for his confidence, so he'd become more or less celibate over the last few years.

Dean was lost in thought when he heard Kevin behind him, clearing his throat. "Um, hey Boss, I'm all set in the kitchen. I just need you to look over the stock list and sign off for me." He followed Kevin to the kitchen to sign the order slips, and to his relief, Charlie stepped inside and greeted them with her usual snarkiness.

"What's up, bitches?" Said Charlie, with a smile.  _I was right_ , she thought. _Dean looks like he could use a distraction, and a shot of something strong before opening_. "Dean, when I'm done setting up, can I talk to you about something privately?"

"Sure, Charlie. Whatever you need."


	4. Isn't Life Strange

_Isn't love strange. A word we arrange._  
_With no thought or care. Maker of despair._  
_Each breath that we breathe. With love we must weave._  
_To make us as one._

_Isn't Life Strange – Moody_ _Blues_

~~~~~

Dean let Charlie lead him into his office when she was done cleaning and setting up in the bar, and he sat down on behind his desk while she opened up his small liquor cabinet on the wall.  The Moody Blues were playing softly through a speaker in the ceiling.  _I love this song_ , thought Dean, as he watched Charlie pour two shots of vodka. _Oh no. Vodka. This can't be good..._

"So listen, I have this friend that I think would be perfect for Kevin, and I was hoping I could get your help..." She trailed off, handing him a shot glass. She downed her shot, gave a little squeak, and grimaced as the alcohol burned her throat.

Dean frowned, drained his shot glass, and said with a tired tone, "Sure, Charlie.  I need to get my mind off some things, anyway. Why not?  Lay it out for me.  What's the chick's name, and how to we know she's Kevin's type?  I mean, we don't even know Kevin that well..."

"Cas." Said Charlie, cutting him off, as she paced the floor of his small office. "My friend's name is Cas, and I talked with Kevin a little the day you hired him. He likes rock music, he's into European literature, and he knows like a bazillion languages. He's an only child and he did his masters in Religious Studies, but he's working on his doctorate in foreign languages.  Oh, and he's really close with his mom."

Dean's eyes widened and he cleared his throat.  "Damn, Charlie, you move faster than I thought.  You found out all that in one day with the guy?"

"No, more like a couple hours," said Charlie, with a smug smile. "People like to open up to me for some reason."

"Not sure how they can. You literally never stop talking." He winked, then dodged her punch to his arm.

Dean could relate, though. Charlie was, in addition to basically being his little sister, the closest thing to a best friend he'd ever had, aside from Sammy. He found himself in this office, with Charlie, discussing life and general nonsense more often than he cared to admit to anyone.  It was easy to talk to her. There wasn't any pretense, or any need to be on his game when he was around her. He could be himself, whether that was goofy, emotional, or whatever. In all honesty, though, she was the most understanding person he'd ever met, and she really just loved giving advice...and listening to herself talk.

"Ok," said Dean. "Let's think about this...I assume you invited this...Cas, did you say? To the bar tonight?" Charlie nodded. "Well, why don't we just do it all up front?  Tell Kevin that Cas thinks he's good looking or something, and then that way, Kevin can peek his head out the kitchen door to get a look at her, and he feels the same.... there's a reason for them to talk face to face.  If not, they never have to meet at all. There's no need to make this into a 6th grade note-passing girly thing, Charlie.  Men like to know when a woman thinks he's hot. It's that easy."

Charlie looked at him incredulously.  "Are you sure, Dean?" He nodded. "Ok, then, if you think that'll work! Thanks, Dean!" And with that, she flung the door open and practically skipped out of the office.

_Oh hell,_ thought Dean. _At least someone will be getting laid tonight, even if it's not me._ He looked up at the clock by the office door and noticed it was just about eleven A.M., so he pushed himself out of his chair and closed his office door behind him. As he passed through the kitchen he yelled to Charlie and Kevin, "Opening time! Look alive!" He went out through the main room and unlocked the door, turning on the blazing red neon sign advertising The Salvage Yard, which was so damn bright, it could be seen from a mile down the road on a clear night, and flipped the sign in the window to 'open.'

There were already about ten cars waiting in the small dirt lot out front, and that made Dean smile. The lunch time regulars made their way to the bar, where Dean had already called their orders back to Kevin, and had their usual drinks waiting for them. Construction workers Rufus Turner and Benny Lafitte always sat at the bar, and always ordered the same thing: a large pepperoni pizza and a couple Cokes. Sheriff Jody Mills sat a couple seats over and started her shift off every day with a double cheeseburger, fries and a frosty root beer.  Dean loved these moments, and he settled comfortably into a conversation with Jody, Rufus and Benny while Charlie was taking orders from a few townies, and a couple of travelers stopping for lunch on their way through. 

Soon, the bar and small dining area were full, the jukebox was playing low and everyone seemed satisfied with their food.  Dean felt another swell of pride, just like he did every day, because his baby - his _second_ baby that is – the impala would always be the first, was running like a well-oiled machine.  He was feeling some of the stress lifting off his shoulders. A smooth lunch service made for an easy transition into the drinking and dancing crowd that came in after dinner.

As the lunch and dinner crowds came and went, and the sun had dipped below the horizon, Dean turned up the juke box and let the next wave of loneliness hit him. He was most grateful for the drinking and dancing crowds that filled his bar every night. Hell, he was worried that he might be turning this town into obese alcoholics, but he was grateful nonetheless that the work of mixing and refilling drinks and of making change and small talk kept him busy until it was time to close and go home.  _One night at a time,_ he thought, and busied himself with wiping down the bar and cleaning glasses, only half listening while Charlie sat at the bar and chattered on about Kevin and this "Cas" she was setting him up with. He hoped, for Kevin's sake, that this Cas chick was hot, otherwise he would not be taking any credit for this setup.  He'd completely missed the part where Charlie mentioned that Cas was a 'he' and not a 'she.'


	5. Ain't Gone 'n' Give Up On Love

_I ain't gone 'n' give up on love_  
_Love ain't gone 'n' give up on me_  
_Every tear that I've cried_  
_Only washed away the fear inside_

_Ain't Gone 'n' Give Up On Love - Stevie Ray Vaughan_  
  


~~~~~

At eight thirty, over an hour late, Castiel got out of a cab and walked up to the bar, stopping just short of the door. He could see through the window by the front door that there was a large crowd of people, which made him feel somewhat better. If he had to do this, he might as well do it when there were so many people that he'd get lost in the mix, and could make a stealthy exit, if things went badly. He looked down at himself, making sure he looked alright. Brown work boots that matched his faded Bad Company t-shirt nicely, slightly snug but comfy black jeans, and his ever present brown trench coat. He supposed he looked presentable enough for a first impression. He took a deep, calming breath, and walked through the front door. The music of the previous song ended and a slow, bluesy guitar sound started. He scanned the room, but didn't see Charlie, so he walked over to the jukebox, and perused the playlist, as he folded his coat neatly over his arm.

The couples on the dance floor slowed, some crushed close together and some dispersed as the upbeat music ended and the slow and sexy blues guitar of Stevie Ray Vaughan dripped out of the speakers. As Dean wiped down the bar, his gaze swept the crowd and landed on the man casually leaning against the wall, looking down at the jukebox. He was wearing black jeans that hugged a nicely shaped ass, and a faded brown t-shirt that outlined a muscled torso and strong-looking arms. A long, tan trench coat was folded and hung over one of those nicely muscled arms. The man nodded a few times as if satisfied with the playlist, then turned and observed the crowd, seemingly looking for someone in particular. Dean stared, hands completely still, bar rag forgotten. In the dim bar lighting it was like a ray of light shown down from Heaven itself, highlighting the man. His somewhat windblown and messy dark hair and slight five o'clock shadow, combined with a pair of lusciously full lips, dimples, and beautiful, piercing blue eyes were the perfect mix of sensuality and sex that, in Dean's opinion, had ever walked into the bar. Dean couldn't stop staring. As if the man could feel Dean's gaze, he looked directly back at him. _Damn_ , thought Dean as he let go of the breath he forgot he was holding, and looked quickly down at the bar. _The blues never looked so freaking good._

When Dean got a hold of himself and looked back up, the man was gone. He panicked a little, and searched the crowd, relaxing a bit when he saw that Charlie was talking to him, and leading him over to a corner booth, away from the dance floor. He watched her chat and laugh with the man for a minute before she headed the bar.

"Dean, I know the kitchen is closing, but Kevin's not gone yet, and Cas took his sweet, mother-fracking time getting here, and for our plan to work, I think he has to order something to eat, and would it be ok if I just ask Kevin to make a burger and fries...?"

Dean was sipping from his glass of soda when he heard the name Cas, and choked so hard the soda almost came out his nose. "THAT'S Cas?!" Dean demanded. "I thought you said your friend was a girl." He stared at her.

"Um, no, Dean. I explained it all earlier, but as usual, you weren't listening, were you?" Charlie stomped her foot. "Now can I please ask Kevin to open the kitchen for a few minutes to make Cas a burger and fries? And he'd like a draft Guinness, please."

"Yeah, sure. Whatever. Here." As Dean poured the beer and handed it to Charlie, he felt his stomach give a little flop. He looked over at the booth, where Charlie was handing Castiel his beer, and noticed his Bad Company t-shirt. His mood turned sour. _Figures,_ he thought. _The most beautiful man I've ever seen in my life walks into MY bar wearing a friggin' classic rock t-shirt - MY FAVORITE BAND, NO LESS! - and my sister is setting him up with my new cook?_ Dean sighed. _Jesus, Winchester, you idiot. It doesn't matter anyway. You don't date anymore, remember?_ He reminded himself, feeling emptier than before, if that was even possible, and turned his attention to the customers at the bar.

Charlie handed Castiel his beer, sat down across from him, and outlined her plan. He nodded. He knew better than to argue with her, and for Charlie, it was actually a simple plan. He wasn't used to her plans making sense. She hurried through the kitchen door, and he turned his attention to the crowd once again. It was a pretty good crowd. A good mix of men and women, young and old, pretty diverse for the most part. He felt eyes on him, then, as he was watching the couples on the dance floor, and turned to see the bartender staring at him again. The man quickly looked away and busied himself with his customers when Castiel caught him.

Castiel knew Charlie well enough to know that the bartender was her brother, Dean. She had talked about him in passing quite often, like when she was discussing which 'lying, sneaking bitch' he was dating at the time, or when he kept her late to clean up when she had plans with Dot after work...in fact, he kind of thought, from the way Charlie explained him, that he was a bit of a ball-buster boss who dated a terminally evil list of women, and was a 'dumb jock.' Charlie's word, not his. He never expected him to be this good looking, though. _It's too bad_ , Castiel thought, _that he's into women, because THAT is my type_. Castiel sighed, got comfortable in his seat, and studied Dean.

He watched him chatting with customers, opening and pouring beers and sodas, and mixing drinks. He admired his tall, lean body and short-but-not-too-short, dirty blonde hair. He watched those amazing green eyes dance from one customer to another as he filled orders, watched his perfect mouth and those very, very kissable lips twist up with a smile at something funny a customer said. Watched as the muscles in his arms, back and chest rippled under the thin fabric of his black AC/DC t-shirt as he moved gracefully behind the bar. He couldn't see much more, since the bar obscured the rest of the view, but if the interested and awake party in his pants was any indication, the bottom half of the sexy as hell bartender wouldn't disappoint. He stared at his lap, and willed it into submission. There was no way on earth this god, this obviously very hetero man would be into him, so he could just stop that train of thought right there at the station. His picked at the wooden table with his thumbnail, where his gaze remained, and waited for Charlie and his food to arrive.

Castiel wasn't the most perceptive man on the planet, when it came to other people being interested in him romantically or sexually, or whatever. He didn't have the highest opinion of his own looks, and he knew his personality was eclectic and eccentric, and yeah, ok he was odd. If his inexperience and past, flubbed attempts at dates were anything to go by, he was not a big catch. So it was not even in the realm of thought to Castiel that Dean couldn't stop looking back at him.

Charlie had finally come back to tell him that Kevin and the food would be out in a minute, and she'd given him a second beer, which he chugged thirstily and nervously. He really wasn't much of a drinker, so two beers was far more than enough to feel the calming warmth spread through his extremities and loosen up his muscles a little. He was a little bit dizzy. He hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. He usually stopped himself at three drinks, just as a buzz settled in, because he rather liked the fuzzy feeling alcohol gave him, but still liked to be in control of his actions. This beer was going straight to his head, though. _Where is that burger? Screw the damn plan, I just want that burger,_ Castiel thought. _Wait. Screw the burger, I need to pee._ Castiel left his booth and made his way to the bathroom, feeling light on his feet and positively fuzzy.

Dean had turned his back to clean someone's spilled drink by the bar, so he didn't see Castiel get up. He yelled over to Charlie to watch the bar while hit the head. He felt like an idiot, staring at a man who he very clearly could and would not have any kind of feelings for. He felt like a fool for letting his mind think thoughts about anyone at all, when he knew damn well he wasn't in the market for a relationship. He was not about to let himself go down that path again. _I just won't look at him again,_ Dean thought as he pushed open the door to the men's bathroom and walking inside, came nose to nose with Castiel. Dean's arms went limp as he let the door close behind him and stood, so very close, to the very man he was chastising himself for thinking about.

Castiel wasn't sure if he was imagining it, or if the bartender really did smell like he was wearing soft leather in a fresh forest on a rainy day. He was busy staring at his face, contemplating counting the adorable freckles on his nose and cheeks when Dean cleared his throat. "Ahem. Cas, is it?"

"Yes, Dean." Castiel said, in a deep, husky and entirely too sexy voice. He inhaled deeply at him, staring intently at his lips now.

Dean felt a little off balance. "Ok, um, Cas. Buddy. Personal space?" Dean said, stepping aside to the sinks, pretending the voice dripping in sex that said his name, coming out of that beautiful man standing too close to him wasn't turning him on.

That seemed to snap Castiel out of his reverie, and he also stepped to the side, in the same direction, nearly bumping his chest against Dean's. They were standing close again, and it was Dean's turn to stare numbly at Castiel's mouth, his own mouth working silently like he wanted to say something.

"I'm happy to see you use para-dichlorobenzene free urinal blocks. They're much safer for customer health," Castiel said, out of nowhere.

"Wait, what?" Dean was thoroughly confused.

Suddenly, the bathroom door opened, and a burly looking truck driver barged in and headed to a urinal. That was all the motivation Dean needed. He deftly side-stepped Castiel once more and headed to a urinal himself. Castiel, feeling a little tipsy, and a bit confused, left the bathroom and headed towards his booth where his food, Charlie and Kevin were finally waiting for him.


	6. Crimson and Clover

_My my, such a sweet thing_  
_I want to do everything_  
_What a beautiful feeling_  
_Crimson and clover, Over and over_

_Crimson and Clover - Tommy James and the Shondells_

~~~~~

Castiel made his way back to his table, more than a little confused about what had just happened with Dean.  _Maybe when I'm not buzzed, it'll either make more sense, or seem really stupid_.  The song, Crimson and Clover was playing now.  The song sounded so poetic and trippy, added to his fuzzy feeling, and it reminded him of a field at sunset. The thought made him smile. _This will definitely do_ , he though, as he sat down. _I love the music here._

"Cas, this is Kevin.  Kevin, this is Cas."  Charlie looked positively giddy.  "Kevin, Cas told me he wanted to thank the chef personally, for his food."  She looked at Castiel, wiggled her eyebrows, and she motioned her head towards Kevin as if to say, _play along and be sociable._ Castiel regarded Kevin, a slight, but well-built and definitely good looking young Chinese man of average height who looked all of 18 years old.  He had almost shoulder length, straight black hair, a nice olive complexion, and a soft, symmetrical face with great bone structure. _He's cute_ , thought Castiel, _but SO not my type._

Castiel extended his hand, and Kevin shook it.  "Uh, yes, Kevin. Thank you for opening the kitchen back up for me.  I really appreciate it. This looks amazing."  He took a huge bite of his burger, which just happened to be the Hell Hound, and after the first wave of heat had subsided, he leaned back in the booth and closed his eyes while he chewed.  Kevin smiled, and looked pleased.

"So, Castiel, I take it you like the Hound?" Kevin asked, hopefully. 

"Yes. This makes me very happy."  He sat up straight again, and went in for a few more bites, finishing the huge burger in record time.

"So, um, Cas... Kevin, I have to get back to work. Kevin, since you're off for the night, do you mind sitting here and keeping him company?  I'm afraid I'm a bit busier than I thought I'd be. There are just way too many people in here for a Wednesday night. I don't know where they all came from and why they can't just stay home, but oh well. Job security!" And with that, Charlie was grinning and positively floating over to the bar to grab drink refills for the other tables.

There was no reason why Castiel couldn't placate Charlie and talk to this guy, who seemed nice enough, and actually shared something in common with him.  _Perhaps I'll make a friend tonight,_ thought Castiel, intrigued by Kevin's very impressive and challenging studies _._ While Castiel finished off his fries and one more beer, and as the hours passed they talked and laughed quite easily.  They'd had similar experiences growing up and moving through high school and college, and even studied some of the same topics.  "So, Kevin," Castiel said. "Charlie tells me you're working on your PhD in languages?  That's amazing. Which languages do you speak?" 

"Well, I'm actually a PhD candidate in Historical-Comparative Linguistics with Temple University in Philadelphia.  I know, I'm a long way from home, but I'm here working on my thesis on translation and interpretation with the Sioux Falls Seminary, researching the Enochian language and its connection to the translation of the Bible. I'm fluent in Chinese, Japanese, German, Greek, Latin, Italian, Spanish and French, and I know a little Urdu, but only because I dated someone from Pakistan once. I took this job to be able to feed myself and have some spending money, while my research grant pays for my living expenses and my car."

Castiel's eyes lit up at the mention of Enochian.  "You can read Enochian?  I've never met anyone else, aside from myself and my mom, who can translate that language.  I'm impressed, Kevin! I mostly concentrated on learning the dead languages and the romance languages when I was in school, thinking it could get me dates!"  Kevin laughed at that, and Castiel continued. "I can speak Latin, Spanish, a little Portuguese and Italian, French, Russian and Romanian. I also read Sanskrit, Greek and Norse. I absolutely love mythology. I was in a Bachelor's program, double majoring in Ancient Studies and World Religions when, um, when my mom got sick...and...." Cas looked down at his lap, a sad tone to his voice as he trailed off. Kevin reached over to pat Castiel's hand in a comforting gesture.

"I'm sorry to hear about your mom, man. I still have my mom, but my dad got sick when I was little, and most days I can barely remember him. I know it can be hard getting along without a parent."  He continued when Castiel nodded, still looking at the table.  "Listen, Castiel, do you wanna get out of here?  You look tired, and I've gotta get home and feed my cat, Ruby.  She can be a bit of a demon if she doesn't get her dinner. I have a car, so I can drop you off at your place, if you want?" Castiel nodded, and Kevin waved Charlie to the table.

"Hey, Charlie, I'm gonna take Castiel home, ok?"  Asked Kevin. 

They stood up and Castiel, somewhat unsteadily, reached for his wallet in his back pocket.  "Thanks for the food, and the beers, Charlie. How much do I owe you?"

"Castiel James Novak, don't you dare try to pay me for anything!  You go with Kevin, and we'll talk tomorrow." She winked at him, and walked over to a waiting customer.  Castiel just shook his head. She was so clueless.  He put on his coat and headed to the door with Kevin. He hadn't noticed until now that most of the crowd had gone, leaving only the die-hard patrons at the bar, and a few lingering couples slow-dancing.  He also hadn't realized the time had gone by so fast. He'd had a great time talking with Kevin.  They seemed to get along so well.  _It's a shame he's not gay,_ Castiel thought. _Charlie's 0 for 4 in the set-up department so far._ With that, he and Kevin headed towards the door.


	7. Ride On

_Got another empty bottle, and another empty bed_  
_Ain't too young to admit it, and I'm not too old to lie_  
_I'm just another empty head_  
_That's why I'm lonely, I'm so lonely_  
_But I know what I'm gonna do_  
_I'm gonna ride on_

_Ride on - AC/DC_

~~~~~

Castiel and Kevin put on their coats and headed towards the door, and Dean chose that moment to look up at them one more time. He'd been glancing at them all night, seeing them talk and laugh, and saw Kevin reach over and take his hand, and though it shouldn't bother him, it really was eating at him.  Seeing now that they were deciding to leave together, well, he felt like he'd been punched in the gut. _Great,_ he thought. _They hit it off, and now they're leaving. Together_.  He cleaned a glass a little too angrily, and it broke in his hands, sending shards of glass into the bar sink.  Thankfully, he wasn't cut. _Jesus, man, get a grip. You're swearing off sex and relationships, remember?  This guy's taken. Get over it._

He drained the sink and cleaned up the glass, silently admonishing himself for his ridiculous behavior. What use was getting worked up over a man like that who, number one: was clearly into someone else and two: was probably way out of his league. If Kevin the scholarly cook, who spoke a trillion languages, was into him, he must be too smart and successful for the likes of Dean Winchester. He watched them walk out the door, then pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to stop the headache that had come on suddenly.

Dean looked at the clock and realized it was already 1:30 A.M. He wondered silently where the time had gone.  He reached over to ring the triangle dinner bell hanging behind the register and yelled out "Last Call!"  He thought about refilling the sink to wash the glasses Charlie had started returning to the bar while she cleaned up the tables, but thought better of it and just lined them up on the under bar.  He took the time to straighten up a little, but he'd do a thorough cleaning and restock in the morning, when his headache was gone.

With the last of the customers having been shooed out of the bar, Dean locked the front door and made the rounds turning off the lights outside, the pool table lights, the bar lights, and finally the house lights. He stood by the jukebox listening to Bon Scott sing words that cut a little too close to the bone tonight.  He let the song finish, and then shut off the jukebox, bathing the large room in darkness, the only light coming from the swinging doors that led into the kitchen. He walked into the kitchen, hugged Charlie goodnight, and when she was safely out the door and in Dot's truck, he gave them a short wave and stepped outside to lock up.  He made his way down a narrow dirt path through the trees to a little white, two-bedroom house about a hundred and fifty feet (about the length of two tennis courts end to end) away from the back of the bar.  Home, sweet, home, he thought as he tossed the keys onto the entry table, locked the door behind him, and headed toward the back of the house. He grabbed an almost empty bottle of whiskey off the kitchen counter on his way.

He made his way down the hallway to his bedroom and kicked off his shoes as he entered the room.  He tiredly flopped down on the edge of the bed to remove his socks, drained the bottle and set it on his night stand. He briefly considered just laying down and passing out, but he knew he couldn't sleep without a shower first. He hated going to bed with the smell of stale bear and the sweat of a hard night's work still on him, so he drowsily willed his body to get up and walk the five feet to the bathroom.  He turned the shower on and let it warm up as he stripped off his clothes and let them fall to the floor. _I'll clean it up tomorrow_ , he thought, tiredly.

The steam was already rising from the shower, and Dean stepped in, letting the water pour down on him.  The feeling of the water running down his body began to wake him up a little, but it was late, and he needed a good night's sleep after the night he'd had.  _What was with you tonight, anyway?_ He thought, shaking his head. _You've got serious problems, man._ He grabbed the shampoo bottle and quickly lathered his hair, then closed his eyes and stepped under the water to rinse the soap out. No sooner did his eyes close than the images in his head began to appear.  He didn't want it to, but his mind seemed bent on showing him the image of Castiel leaning so sexily against the wall by the juke box, staring back at him from across the room, that messy sex hair, that toned body in those tight jeans, and those eyes....the beautiful blue eyes that seemed a bit bright, but a little sad at the same time, and so deep he could drown in them.  And oh, God, those lips. His cock started to twitch and rise.

_This is insane_ , he thought, and he stepped away from the water a little to grab the bar of soap with the intention of washing only the necessary areas and getting clean, but the smell of the soap reminded him of the fresh, clean and soft scent he picked up from Castiel when he was standing so close to him in the bathroom at the bar. He remembered the first words Castiel spoke to him.  "Yes, Dean."  That did it. The memory of that low and gravelly voice sent shivers down his spine and straight to his cock, which hardened instantly, until it was throbbing.

Dean tried to ignore it and just get clean, but at this point the only way to make it go away was to deal with it.  He lathered up the soap and with his left arm bracing himself against the shower tile, his right hand began to work up and down his rock hard, impressive seven inches, slowly at first, paying careful attention not to brush the already too-sensitive head. _This feels too good_ , thought Dean. _I shouldn't let anyone get to me like this._ He thought again of Castiel's lips and of his deep, blue eyes as they stared at him, and his soapy and slick hand picked up its pace. 

It wasn't often that he just gave in, but this time he let himself feel what he'd been trying so hard to avoid.  He moved his hand faster, over the entire length of himself, swirling his palm over the sensitive head, and back down to the base to brush his balls lightly. The warmth started to spread from his stomach to his thighs and up to his chest. His hips were now pumping himself through his fist as he settled it over the head and applied a gentle pressure. The pleasure was too intense. Too soon, he felt his muscles tighten, and he groaned loudly as his orgasm hit him hard. Long spurts of cum hit the wall and floor of the shower as he continued to pump, slowing now, in and out of his fist, wave after wave of pleasure hitting him.  When the head became too sensitive and his knees were almost too weak to hold him, he rinsed off, shut off the water, and grabbed a towel. 

Once out of the shower, Dean felt his exhaustion overtake him again, most of which was due to the epic masturbation session.  He was too tired to even put on a pair of boxers, so after he quickly dried himself off, he let the towel fall to the floor and he sank into his bed. As he drifted into the oblivion of sleep, his last thought was of the beautiful, blue-eyed man who had gotten under his skin and made him feel far too many things in the matter of just a few hours.


	8. Little White Lie

_Little white lie's been around for years_  
_Little white lie's ringing in your ears_  
_Turn around come around back on you_  
_Well that little white lie's catching up to you_

_Little White Lie - Sammy Hagar_  
  


~~~~~

Castiel found Charlie sitting on the bus bench when he came to open the store for the day.  If he was being honest, she looked terrible, like she hadn't slept much

"Jesus, Charlie! It's 5 AM.  What on earth are you doing here so early?" he asked her as he unlocked the door, standing aside to let her in.

As soon as he shut and relocked the door, Charlie spun around and said animatedly, "Oh my god, Cas! I couldn't sleep!  I've been to know how it went with you and Kevin. I mean, you guys were talking for SO long, and you were laughing, and honestly it's the most I think I've seen you smile in a long time, and then you left together, and I just have to know what happened after you left!"  She stopped to catch her breath, and Castiel took the opportunity to blurt out a little white lie without even thinking.

He turned on the radio and began nonchalantly going through his morning duties, speaking without thinking.

"We hit it off. We're dating now, so...thanks for introducing us."  Castiel felt his throat go dry. _Oh crap._

Charlie's eyes widened in surprise and her mouth dropped open.  She leaned back against the counter dramatically. "Shut the front frackin' door! You mean I actually got it right for once?"

Castiel knew he was digging himself a deeper hole, but he kept the white lie going.  "Yeah, we really have a lot in common. He's a great guy, Charlie. Thanks for introducing us."

"That's awesome, Cas!  Now I can invite you two over for Thanksgiving as a couple! Oh man, this holiday season's gonna be so awesome! I can't wait!  I have to go tell Dot. She's not gonna believe I actually found you a match!"  Charlie kissed Castiel on the cheek and practically skipped out the door, leaving him to try and figure out how to break up with a fictitious boyfriend before Thanksgiving without hurting Charlie's feelings.

_Crap.  Crappity crap on a platter!_ Castiel took out his phone to text Kevin.

Cas:   I did something terrible...

Kevin:   Uh oh. Spill.

Cas:  Sort of told Charlie you and I are dating. I'm sorry. You don't know her like I do. She's insane. Clinically.

Kevin:   Can I call you?

Cas:   Sure...

Castiel's cell rang, and before he could even say hello, Kevin said, "What the hell, man? Out with it."

"I'm sorry, Kevin. It happened so fast. She keeps trying, and failing miserably, to set me up with guys... wait, um, ok I guess THAT cat's out of the bag now...but anyway, she's terrible at match-making, and I'm just done being set up. So I told her you and I decided to date. That way she won't set me up anymore. I'm sorry... I'll tell her the truth... Kevin, are you still there?"

"Yeah, Cas I'm here.  I already figured out you're gay, dude. Just like you've already figured out I'm straight. But listen, you're a good guy, and I know what you're going through. My mom keeps trying to set me up with girls she meets literally everywhere... grocery stores, the coffee shop, getting her nails done... It's stressful. I get it."

"Yeah, but Kevin, she wants to invite us to Thanksgiving with her family. As a couple. I can tell her next week that we broke up. Can you just give me a few more days?"

Kevin sighed and took a moment before he answered. "Against my better judgement...." Another sigh.  "Let's stick it through 'til Thanksgiving. Honestly, man, I don't want to go home to another of my mom's ambush blind dates for the holiday.  I guess I need this as much as you do, so... I'm in.  But we're totally breaking up after Thanksgiving."  He chuckled.

Castiel laughed, relieved.  "Thank you so much, Kevin. You're great. I'm glad I met you. You're a good friend.  I'll let you know the details once she fills me in.  And don't be a stranger. You know where I work, and where I live. If you ever need any help with your research, let me know."

"Will do."

They hung up, and Castiel busied himself with the store, a small smile on his lips.  _This might actually be ok.  What can go wrong?_


	9. Unchain My Heart

_Unchain my heart_  
_Baby let me be_  
_Unchain my heart_  
_Cause you don't care about me_

_Unchain My Heart - Joe Cocker_

~~~~~

Over the next couple of weeks, Kevin and Castiel did their best to make it look like they were in a relationship, short of public displays of affection. Castiel would show up at the bar a few days a week after he closed the store, and Kevin would have a burger or a pizza waiting for him. Then, after his shift ended and the kitchen was cleaned, Kevin would come out to sit with him. They'd spend a few hours talking, joking and laughing, always sitting together on the same side of the booth, heads buried in books, deep in conversation over Kevin's research. Then they'd leave together. Sometimes Kevin would drive Castiel home, and sometimes they'd go to Kevin's office at the college and continue the research.

Charlie couldn't have been happier for both of them, and she was quite proud of herself for finally managing to find the perfect guy for Castiel. She finally said as much to Dean, at the bar, thinking he'd be happy for them, and for her winning set-up.

"Did you ever see a cuter couple, Dean? Look at 'em. They're completely oblivious to the rest of the world. I can't believe I actually found him a guy that wasn't horrible!" She was smiling, but the smile faded as she turned to Dean, who was wiping the bar in the same spot, over and over with the rag, glaring at Kevin.

"Yeah. Great. Why don't you get back to work, huh? The drinks won't serve themselves." He turned his back to her and started putting clean glasses away, a bit too forcefully. He knew Charlie didn't deserve to be talked to like that, and he knew he should apologize, but that wasn't his style.

Charlie just stared at him, mouth open. She wasn't sure when he rammed the stick up his butt, but she wished he'd take it out. _Wait...he started getting really crabby, like two weeks ago. That's just about the time he helped me set up Cas and Kevin. He couldn't be mad about that, could he?_ Charlie got back to work, keeping a watchful and observant eye on Dean as much as possible. She noticed that his easygoing demeanor with the customers was gone, and in its place was a surly, snappiness to his tone. He rarely smiled anymore, and he was drinking a bit more than usual, taking a new bottle of liquor to his office every couple of days instead of every few weeks, like before. He shoved things around, slammed doors, and barely acknowledged Kevin.

She watched Dean fix a particularly unfriendly stare at Kevin when Castiel got up to play a song on the jukebox, and a thought hit Charlie like a truck. _Oh my fracking god, he's attracted to Cas! That's why he's being such a jackass! Why didn't I see it before? No wonder he's been so miserable lately. Now things are starting to make sense..._ She recalled that particularly rough year when Dean was twenty one, and he went into a bit of a tailspin. Sam had moved to California to attend college, and Dean didn't know what to do with himself. He got depressed and started hanging out with that awful guy, Crowley, who got him arrested. _Now that I think about it, there had always been something a little...more....to that_ _bromantic_ _relationship,_ Charlie remembered. They stood a little too close, laughed at each other's awful jokes, stared a little too long at each other, shared meaningful glances, and spent just about every hour of every day together for the better part of a year. Looking back, she didn't know how she missed it, which made her wonder if that's why Bobby and Ellen did what they did for Dean. Armed with new knowledge, she decided to talk to Cas about his relationship with Kevin.

Dean heard Joe Cocker start to sing the song that Castiel picked a moment ago, and his heartbeat sped up. _He really knows how to pick the right songs. Damn him and his timing! And damn him for liking my music!_ Dean had watched, for two weeks, the blossoming relationship between Castiel and Kevin. There they were, more often than not, in HIS bar, sitting next to each other in the secluded corner booth, eating dinner together, talking, laughing, and then leaving together. The more he watched, the more his stomach was in knots. He began to avoid eye contact with Kevin, only speaking to him formally, when he needed to approve deliveries or hand him his paycheck. He wasn't sure if he was ingesting more alcohol or antacids these days. One quieted his head, and the other quieted his stomach.

Why he was reacting this way about a relationship between two men he barely knew was beyond him. On the one hand, he knew he wasn't ready to jump head first into another doomed relationship, but he was lonely as hell. On the other hand, he'd only said about five words to Castiel, in the bathroom, no less, and that man just pushed all the right buttons. _I don't know a damn thing about_ _him._ He thought. _Nothing, other than he has a gorgeous smile, amazing eyes, and he smells like warm sugar cookies and fresh, clean laundry all rolled into one. He makes me want to lick him, then throw him on the sheets and strip his clothes off_. Dean groaned inwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. _Really, Winchester?_ _That's_ _ridiculous_ _. Even for you._

Tonight, like every night, he watched Kevin with an unconscious look of contempt as Kevin held the door open for Castiel on their way out. He wanted nothing more than to retreat back into his office and down a few gulps of whiskey, and try to forget about it all. Even that wasn't helping, though, if he was being honest. It did little to numb his mind, which was so actively running what-if scenarios all night that he was barely getting four or five hours of sleep. Something had to give, sooner or later, and he was afraid that meant firing Kevin. If nothing else, it would get them both out of his bar. Out of sight, and hopefully out of mind.


	10. I Don't Know

_Everyone goes through changes_  
_Looking to find the truth_  
_Don't look at me for answers_  
_Don't ask me - I don't know_

_I Don't Know - Ozzy_ _Osbourne_

~~~~~

  

When Kevin arrived at work, he was hit by the heavy music of Ozzy, which was a stark contrast to the bluesy rock music Dean preferred in the mornings. He found Dean waiting for him with a stern expression on his face. Kevin sensed he wasn't going to like what was coming. "Hi, Boss. Is everything ok?" He asked, checking watch. "I'm not late, am I? It's just that you look like you wanna kill me, and I'm pretty sure I haven't messed anything up, nobody's complained about the food, and I've always been on time..." He trailed off, nervously looking around, and not sure what to expect.

Dean pushed himself off the prep table he was sitting on, boots landing on the floor with a resounding thud. Kevin gulped and clutched his bag close to his chest. He really didn't want to get hit.

"Kevin, listen, I've been thinking. You're preoccupied with your history books, or whatever, and your new relationship with that guy. You two are all over each other every other night, and using up valuable space in my bar that could be filled with paying customers. I think your priorities are a little skewed, and you need to decide what's more important to you; this job, or your boyfriend?" He crossed his arms, putting on the most boss-like and menacing pose he could muster.

Kevin's mouth hung open as he took in what Dean said. He didn't like where the conversation was going, and thought maybe he and Cas should just come clean to Charlie, and then Dean wouldn't have a reason to be angry. It certainly wasn't worth getting fired for. He didn't want to hurt Castiel's, though.

"Dean, listen, I don't want to throw Charlie under the bus here, but she assured me it was no big deal that Cas and I work on my research together at the bar, and we definitely aren't hanging all over each other. We're very respectful of people's views. I need this job, man. I can't afford to feed myself without it. If it's a matter of moving my research somewhere else, I'll do it. If you want Cas to start paying for food, done. I just don't want to lose my job, Dean, please."

_Damnit_ _, now I feel bad for the kid._ Dean mulled an idea over, uncrossed his arms and suddenly felt very tired, and no longer menacing. "Look, Kevin, I don't want to fire you, but when I hired you, I didn't account for feeding every Tom, Dick and... Cas you decide to date. Your job is your first priority when you're here. Your school crap stays out of the bar, and your love life should definitely be kept at home, ok? You can stay, as long as you promise me no more study-cuddle sessions in the corner. And no more free burgers."

Kevin breathed a sigh of relief and put his bag on the floor, no longer feeling the need to protect himself. "You got it, Boss. I promise. The free food, though, that was Charlie's doing. You can take it out of my check in installments to pay you back. I'm fine with that. But....Thank you, dude. Seriously."

"Figures she'd give my food away to her friends. I'm not taking anything out of your check. Just don't make me regret it." Dean, feeling like a jealous and spiteful teenager, retreated back into his office and closed the door.

Kevin didn't want to give Dean any more reason to bust his balls, so he busied himself with inventory, right after texting Cas to tell him what happened.

Kevin: I almost got fired for studying w/u here and feeding u

Cas: What?! That's asinine!

Kevin: No. I get it. He has to make a profit

Cas: He's an asswad. Charlie said he's been mean lately. I have half a mind tell him off

Kevin: Don't do that... Do u think we should come clean to Charlie?

Cas: No! Please? Just wait until after Thanksgiving, ok?

Kevin: Fine

Castiel spent the rest of the afternoon rereading Kevin's texts, and overthinking the situation. Over thinking was not something he normally did, but for some reason Dean's attitude was really eating at him, and he worked himself up to a very bad decision to confront him. He closed the store early, grabed a couple handfuls of the mini booze bottles behind the counter as an afterthought, and boarded the next bus to the outskirts of Sioux Falls before he could change his mind. He downed all five of the miniature bottles of liquor before getting off at the stop outside the bar. He figured he'd need all the courage he could get, and liquid courage was better than nothing.

Charlie, in the middle of wrapping silverware, glanced out the bar's front picture window to see Castiel unsteadily stalking across the parking lot with an angry look on his face. _What on earth...? Oh_ _, shit,_ _he's drunk._ Charlie ran to the kitchen, grabbed Kevin by the arm and dragged him out to the bar. He protested, but stopped when he saw where she was pointing: at Castiel, very unsteadily pacing the parking lot.

"Out with it, Kevin. What did you do to him?" Charlie hissed, trying to keep her voice down so she wouldn't alert Dean.

"I can explain. Um, Cas is upset with me because, ah, I told him we can't study together here anymore. It's not fair to Dean. We've been taking up a table that should be left to customers."

Charlie glared at Kevin, arms crossed, tapping a foot in annoyance. "Right. YOU told Cas that it wasn't fair to DEAN." She leaned in closer to Kevin and poked him in the chest with one finger. "You're lying to me, Kevin Tran. I'm very good at finding things out, and you smell like a fibber."

Before Kevin could open his mouth, Castiel shoved the door to the bar open and stomped past them and into the kitchen, a little wobbly, but upright. They look at each other, stunned, and Charlie kicked herself for not relocking the door.

Castiel opened Dean's office door and slammed it shut before they could recover enough to go after him. By the time they reached the door, Castiel was inside the office and they could hear angry, muffled voices coming from beyond inside. Anger forgotten for the moment, Charlie motioned for Kevin to huddle with her, their ears on the door trying to hear what was going on inside. Dean's music was too loud, though, and they couldn't make out any words.


	11. Burnin' For You

_Burn out the day, burn out the night_  
_I can't see no reason to put up a fight_  
_I'm livin' for givin' the Devil his due_  
_And I'm burnin', I'm burnin'_  
_I'm_ _burnin'_ _for you_

_Burnin' for You - Blue Oyster Cult_

~~~~~

  

Armed with a little too much alcohol in his system and a fierce determination to stick up for his friend (and himself), Castiel yanked the door to Dean's office open, and slammed it shut behind him, his head spinning and his heart beating like crazy. It startled Dean, who jumped up and yelled. "What the hell, man? What do you think you're doing?" He started towards Castiel.

"Just shut up and sit down, you jack hole! I have some things to say to you. First," Castiel held up one finger, while he steadied himself on the corner of Dean's desk with his other hand. "Where do you get off being such a douche canoe?"

Dean stood, hands on his hips, staring at Castiel, who was obviously more than a little tipsy, and mouthed ' _douche canoe'_ to himself, trying not to look amused.

"Second," Cas wavered a bit as he held up one finger on his other hand, no longer having the desk to steady him. "Why are you so mad at Kevin?" He swayed on his feet and Dean, without thinking, hurried over to keep him from falling.

Castiel knocked his arms away and put his hand on Dean's chest, giving him a little push. Dean was caught off guard, and he stumbled, back against the wall. Castiel involuntarily fell forward and caught himself against Dean's chest. He stayed, staring at Dean's mouth, lips so close they were almost touching his, and said in an almost whisper, "You're mad at Kevin and mean to Charlie, and you don't like me. Why?"

Castiel's voice cracked a little as he asked one more time, "Why don't you like me?" Dean was hit once again by the sugary, clean, and soft smell of the man leaning against him. _I'll never forget that scent as long as I live. It smells like home, and cookies, and sex, and it drives me fucking crazy._ Their mouths were so close, all he had to do was tilt his head a little... then the smell of alcohol on Castiel's breath hit him.

Dean cleared his throat, and Castiel took a wobbly step back and looked up at Dean, eyes shining from unshed tears, and Dean immediately felt like the bad guy. There was no way he'd want to see this beautiful man cry, let alone be the cause of his tears. He pushed Castiel easily into his chair and leaned down, one hand on either side of him, on the arms of the chair, effectively pinning him there. He looked directly into his eyes. It was only a few seconds, but it felt like minutes that they were staring at each other.

Cas recognized something deep and sad and lonely in Dean. _His eyes are the most beautiful shade of_ _sea_ _green._ "Just like the pacific ocean," Castiel whispered. _Oh god, I said that out loud!_ The color drained from his face, his eyes widened, and he felt himself sobering up quite quickly.

Dean thought maybe he'd imagined what he heard Castiel whisper, but he wasn't sure. ' _Just like the ocean.' Hmmm._

Castiel's eyes glanced quickly from Dean's impressive biceps to the lean muscle that was visible beneath the thin t-shirt that clung to his chest. He immediately felt ridiculous for thinking he could come here and confront Charlie's brother. He was easily outweighed by about twenty pounds of muscle and he didn't even know how to fight.

Having sobered up quite a bit, he realized how close he was to the gorgeous man, and Castiel's heart did a flop in his chest, and the familiar tight feeling low in his abdomen started to grow and spread. He couldn't seem to help his instant attraction to the gorgeous man leaning over him, smelling alluringly of warmth and leather and whiskey. Castiel licked his lips nervously and said in a suddenly very deep, very calm voice, "I shouldn't have come here, and I'm sorry. I have to go."

Dean was mesmerized by Castiel's mouth as he watched his long, pink tongue lick his dry, but lusciously full lips.

Dean realized with a start that he'd been staring, and was probably making the other man extremely uncomfortable. That sexy, deep voice, though, sent another surge of longing through him, his jeans grew uncomfortable. He stood up abruptly and turned to the bookshelf against the wall, pretending to straighten the books. "Look, don't worry about it, ok? Let's forget it happened," he said gruffly over his shoulder. Then his hands stilled and dropped to his sides, and he said softly, "I'm not mad, Cas. And I don't hate you." He heard Castiel's sharp intake of breath, then heard him get out of the chair and go to the door.

With his hand on the door knob, Castiel paused and turned back to see Dean still had his back to him. "I'm sorry, Dean. For everything." With that, Castiel left the office, and Dean could hear Charlie and Kevin firing questions at him as they followed him out to the bar. Dean collapsed into his chair, chest heaving and mind spinning. Abandoning his glass, he drank straight from his bottle of booze.

Castiel ignored both Kevin and Charlie and walked out of the bar the way he came in, and made a beeline for the bus stop. His mind was a jumbled mess, his heart was beating straight adrenaline through his body, and he needed to get some air. He wasn't sure what had just happened, but one thing was for sure. He was extremely attracted to his best friend's brother, and he'd never wanted to kiss someone as badly as he wanted to kiss Dean Winchester. _Why on earth do I always go for the bad boys? They're nothing but trouble, especially when feelings aren't reciprocated._

Back at the bar, Charlie began pacing. "This is not good. Not good at all. This is very out of character for Cas, Kevin. I don't like it. I need you to tell me what's going on. Now."

Kevin decided the best thing to do was to tell Charlie the truth, so he stopped her, and motioned for her to sit at a table. Kevin put his head in his hands, stared at the table, and as quickly as he could, he told her exactly what had been going on.

"....so you see, Charlie, it wasn't supposed to make anybody mad. We just wanted our friends and family to stop, um, meddling? I guess? And this was what we came up with. Please don't be mad. He didn't want to hurt your feelings."

Charlie was silent for a minute, soaking it all in. "So you're telling me you're straight?" she asked incredulously, eyes narrowed.

"Yes, of cour.... Wait! Why is that the only thing about this that's hard to believe?"

Charlie sighed and leaned back in her chair, smiling. "So the only thing I got wrong is that you're straight? I knew you were perfect for each other! Aside from the pesky sexual orientation thing." She waved her hand flippantly. "I guess I understand why you both did it, but it still hurts that he couldn't tell me the truth. He's my best friend."

Kevin just stared at her, in disbelief. "Charlie, Cas is a great guy, if you haven't noticed, and he loves you like a sister. There's no way he'd ever tell you something that would hurt your feelings."

"Ugh. You're right." Charlie leaned forward. "But Now I'm worried about Dean. I'm not mad, but I'm gonna make a deal with you. Can you keep a secret?" Kevin nodded, and Charlie continued. "I think Dean's bisexual. No, I'm sure of it. I've never seen him with another guy, like, in a relationship, but there was this one friend he had after high school... Anyway, He's been in a really shitty mood lately, and I think I know why. Ever since you and Cas started your 'relationship'," Charlie air quoted and rolled her eyes, "he's been angry and distant. He's breaking things, he's not sleeping, he's been short with the customers and downright mean to me sometimes. And he's been giving you dirty looks. He almost fired you, literally just for spending time with Cas. Think about it, Kevin. My big brother has the hots for my best friend and your fake boyfriend."

For the second time that day, Kevin's mouth hung open in disbelief. "Holy shit. What do you want me to do? You said you had a deal for me?"

"That's right. Since you're so good at it, I'm gonna need you to keep pretending you're dating Cas, but just don't bring him in here all the time. You DO need to keep your job. I don't want Cas to know that I know the truth just yet, because he'd never forgive me for setting him up again. And I don't want Dean to know you're not really dating, because he's a stupid jock, and bull-headed, and he needs to realize this on his own...with a little help from yours truly. And now you." She stood up and smiled. "You, my lying and scheming friend, are going to help me make sure my best friend and my brother fall for each other."


	12. With A Little Help From My Friends

_What do I do when my love is away?_  
_(Does it worry you to be alone?)_  
_How do I feel by the end of the day?_  
_(Are you sad because you're on your own?)_  
_No, I get by with a little help from my friends_

_With A Little Help From My Friends - Joe Cocker (originally, The Beatles)_

~~~~~

The next week went quickly for Dean, who had his mind focused on not focusing, and just being busy with his bar and restaurant, and customers. He'd been so preoccupied with the Kevin and Cas situation that he'd all but forgotten to come up with a new signature menu item for the local Sioux Falls Pizza Showdown, which he entered every year. It was one of the contests that put his restaurant on the map a few years prior with his Four Horsemen pizza, and this year's competition was coming up quickly. With Thanksgiving dinner in just two days, he was starting to think of backing out of the contest, since he had nothing prepared, and no new ideas. After some thought, though, and even if it was out of character for him, he decided to man-up and apologize, then ask Kevin if he had any suggestions.

He walked out into the bar's kitchen from his office. "Hey, Kev. You got a second?".

"Sure, Boss, what's up?"

Dean looked at his feet and nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, about the other day...you know...I just figured..."

Kevin cut him off. "It's all good, man. Seriously. You're a good guy, and I took advantage of that. I'm the one who's sorry, ok?"

Dean looked up in surprised relief. Apologies weren't his strong suit, heaven knew, so he was grateful that Kevin stepped in. "Great. So we're square?"

"Five by five," said Kevin.

"Awesome. Which brings me to my question. How are you at making up recipes? I need some help with a contest, and my mind has just not been in the game lately." He looked at Kevin hopefully.

Kevin saw an opening for an opportunity that he couldn't pass up. "You know, I'm not great at that kind of stuff, like, at all. Give me a recipe, and I'll follow it, but I'm not creative like that. Cas is awesome at it, though. He's got a great imagination, like you, when it comes to food. You guys make it up, I just cook it. You should talk with him about it on Thursday after dinner. He's a really great guy. He'd be happy to help."

Dean looked like a deer in headlights. He froze at the thought of having a one-on-one conversation with Cas. Kevin was one thing, but Cas was a whole other thing entirely.

"Yeah, uh, thanks for the suggestion," Dean muttered as he headed back to his office, wondering how he'd be avoiding that disaster. It was probably best not to think about it - any of it - until the situation presented itself. For the time being, he'd just focus on the recipes he knew by heart for the cranberry sauce, stuffing, and turkey for Thursday's dinner. _One step at a time, Winchester._

Kevin watched Dean retreat into his fortress of solitude and close the door before heading out to the bar area to tell Charlie the good news.

"What's up, buttercup?" Charlie said cheerfully, when Kevin walked in.

"I just created a scenario for Dean and Cas to have an honest, real life conversation on Thursday," Kevin said smugly, and he laid out his plan to Charlie, who was literally bouncing with excitement as she listened.

"Ooh! I could kiss you!" She squealed. "I'm gonna text him and start this show off right."

Charlie:  Dude. Put ur thinking cap on. I need pizza ideas

Cas:  Who is this, and how did you get this number?

Charlie:  Hardy har har. Seriously. I need ur help.

Cas:  Ok. Fine. I'll bite. What is it for?

Charlie thought for a moment about whether to mention Dean's contest. _Nah. We'll tell him when he gets there for dinner._

Charlie:   Me & Kev. Pizza duel. I need ur best recipe ideas. Will u help? We can talk on Thurs

Cas:  Of course I'll help you

Charlie turned to Kevin, gave him a high-five and said, "Houston, we have liftoff!  That poor boy can't resist showing off his cooking talents."


	13. You Shook Me

_'Cause the walls start shaking_  
_The earth was quaking_  
_My mind was aching_  
_And we were making it_  
_And you shook me all night long_

_You Shook Me All Night Long - AC/DC_

~~~~~

Thanksgiving morning was a bustle of activity at the Singers' house. Dean arrived first with tons of food, along with Charlie and Dot, piled into Baby. Everyone had their hands full carrying it all into the house. Moments later, Jo and Ash showed up with Sam and his wife Jessica in tow, fresh off a plane from California.

"Sammy! You made it! And I see you brought your better half. You know, Sammy, you could've just stayed home. We like Jess better," Dean said with a huge grin on his face and a wink at Jess as he went in for a hug.

"Very funny, Dean," Sam managed to squeak out as he was being bear hugged and swung around in a wide circle by his older brother, despite the nearly four inch difference in height.

"Careful, ya idjits. You'll break something," grumbled Bobby as he came into the room, hugging Sam and Jess in turn.

"Oh, hush, you old fart," laughed Ellen. "Looks like Sammy's grown another foot since we last saw him. Careful, Dean, he might just be in good enough shape to finally whip your ass this year."

"Nobody beats me. I'm unbeatable. Mark my words," said Dean, as he flexed. "I've totally been working out."

"Looks like you've been putting a knife and fork to work, too," laughed Sam as he slapped Dean on his stomach. "Lookin' a little pudgy since last Christmas, Dean."

"Yeah, well owning a bar and being a fantastic cook will do that to you. I think we've all gained about ten pounds, thanks to Dean's cooking, " Ellen said, proudly. "Let's get this stuff in the kitchen and get to work. The rest of the food's not gonna cook itself."

The morning flew by in a flurry of conversation, laughter, cooking and table setting, until the doorbell rang.

"You mind getting that, Dean?" Asked Ellen. Charlie, knowing it had to be Kevin and Cas, glanced at Dean, who looked positively pale and ready to bolt. She figured she'd better save him the grief, for now.

"I've got it." _Little sister to the rescue!_ she thought, as she went to answer the door. "Cas! Kevin! You made it. And you brought PIE!" She shouted over her shoulder. If there was one thing that could get Dean to open up, it was pie. Charlie led the two of them into the kitchen, where the rest of the family was hanging out. "Look, Dean. PIE!" she said again as she shoved three pies into his hands.

"Wow, these look great!" said Jo, as he passed them to her to put on the counter.

"Thanks, they're my mother's recipes," said Castiel quietly, which caused Dean to look up sharply.

"YOU baked them?" he asked, his voice coming out higher and louder than he intended. _Seriously? And wearing a Styx shirt, too? Can he get any sexier? Jesus...._

Sam was the only one who seemed to notice Dean's apparent uncomfortableness, and the sudden increase in octave in his voice. He looked from Dean to Castiel and back again, curious, but said nothing.

"Yeah," said Castiel, a little blush creeping up on his cheeks. "Baking relaxes me. I just didn't know what kind you'd all like, so I made three. There's caramel apple, bourbon pecan and ginger peach."

_Shit. Bourbon AND pecans together in a pie?!_ Dean felt a surge of emotion. _How the hell am I gonna get through this day?_

"They all sound amazing. Thank you," said Ellen as she stepped forward to hug him. "Dean's favorite food is pie, so you just keep baking 'em, and you'll fit right in here." She smiled back at Dean. "Now, how about some introductions? Charlie?"

Charlie introduced Castiel and Kevin around to the family. "Everyone, this is Castiel, aka Cas, my bestie - as some of you already know, and this is his boyfriend, Kevin, Dean's new cook." Introducing them as boyfriends didn't seem to phase anyone. It's not like same sex relationships were taboo in the family. Not since Charlie hit puberty. It's just something they accepted. Sexual orientation made no difference to the Singer/Winchester clan. It did make Sam raise an eyebrow, however, because of Dean's earlier reaction to the man. Charlie finished introducing her family, ending with Sam, who reached out to shake Castiel's hand. "Nice to meet you, Castiel."

"Likewise." He grinned up at the taller brother. "So, there really a ARE giants. You know, ancient skeletons of giants that date back to 9,000 BC have been found all across North America. One of them was 7'6" tall and adorned like a king in his grave. You would have been highly decorated, Sam."

Dean threw his head back and laughed. "Damn, Sammy. Prince of the giants. Don't let it go to your head." Everyone chuckled. Dean looked at Castiel, and held his gaze a bit too long. Castiel looked away and blushed.

After the introductions, the women stayed in the kitchen, and the men were ordered by Ellen down to the basement game room, where Bobby and Ash were kicked back, watching football. Sam grabbed Dean's arm gently and held him back at the top of the stairs.

"Hold on, Dean. Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Ah, sure Sammy. What's up?"

"Is everything ok, Dean? Is there anything going on that you might wanna talk about?"

"What do you mean? Everything's peachy, man. Not a care in the world."

"You sure? You seemed, I don't know, a little nervous earlier when that Cas guy got here, and you kind of shared a, uh, moment back in the kitchen."

"I seriously don't have a clue what you're talkin' about, Sammy. Now come on, and let me kick your ass at pool." Dean smiled, patted Sam on the back, and jogged down the basement stairs. Sam followed close behind, and remained unconvinced that there was nothing bothering Dean.

Dean and Sam decided to set up a friendly game of partners pool on the other side of the fully furnished basement, away from the TV. Dean tuned the radio to the classic rock station, and AC/DC shot out of the speakers.

"I love this song!" Both Dean and Cas exclaim in unison, then smiled at each other, and immediately looked away, turning four different shades of red, also in unison. This time, Sam definitely noticed the exchange, and so did Kevin. Ash was busy arguing with Bobby over the game on the screen, so they were oblivious to the rest of the room. Sam had never seen his brother so flustered around another man before, but he'd heard the stories from Ellen and Bobby about the Crowley guy he'd taken up with a few years back. It stood to reason that he'd been in a relationship with the man, from the things he'd heard, and he was interested in seeing where this was going, considering Cas and Kevin were introduced as a couple.

"Ok, guys!" Said Sam, breaking the tension. "Were playing teams."

"I'll take Sam," said Kevin quickly, eager to put Charlie's plan in place.

Dean looked at Sam for help, but he just shrugged back at him. "Sorry, Dean. Kevin called dibs, he's got me."

"But, um, I've never played before," Castiel said, a slight waver in his voice. _I think I'm gonna throw up._

Sam handed him a pool cue. "No worries. Dean can show you how it's done."

Sam racked the balls and Dean broke them, making a solid in the corner pocket, while Castiel stared at his muscular arms. Sam took his turn, and missed (on purpose) so that Cas and Dean were forced to work together. If nothing else, watching Dean act flustered was amusing.

"Cas," said Sam, breaking him from his arm-watching trance. "Now it's your turn. C'mon, Dean. Help him. Show him what to do."

Reluctantly, Dean went over to him and demonstrated how to hold the pool cue. After watching him, Castiel tried, and failed to hit a single ball, including the cue ball. Dean chuckled and offered a few tips, talking him through angles and shooting styles, but keeping his distance.

"About damn time," muttered Kevin, which Sam heard, and then immediately turned and demanded information. Kevin, relieved to have someone else besides Charlie in on it, quietly gave Sam the gist of the story, and the plan, while Dean tried to teach Castiel the ins and outs of shooting pool. _Oh no,_ thought Kevin. _Hopefully Charlie doesn't kill me. This_ _was supposed to be a secret._

"Its no use, Dean. I'm not getting this. Can you play without me?" He looked like he was going to cry, so Sam looked pleadingly at Dean.

"Dean, do remember how dad taught us to shoot?" Now that Sam knew what the plan was, there was no way in hell he was going back to California without seeing it through.

"Yeah, Sammy, I remember." Dean took a deep breath and steeled himself for what came next. "Ok Cas, c'mere. You hold the stick like I showed you, and I'll help you do the rest, but I need you to relax."

Castiel had a nervous habit of relaying useless information, and seeing as how he was about to be very close to Dean's body, he was extremely nervous now. "Did you know, billiards evolved from a lawn game similar to croquet during the 15th century in Northern Europe? It's one of the safest games in the world, and it was the first sport to have a world championship in 1873."

Sam cleared his throat. "I, uh, didn't know that, Cas. That's interesting."

Dean just shook his head and stepped in behind Castiel to put his arms around him, guiding his upper body and bending him a bit, explaining how to line up the shot. He was hyper aware of how close they were, the strength of Castiel's arms under his hands, the heat of his Castiel's back against his chest, the amazing smell of his skin and hair... his breath quickened and he felt a little dizzy.

Castiel, also overheated from his proximity to Dean, stood up straight and gestured, nearly hitting Dean in the face with his elbow. "So, um, I just line up the cue ball with the hole I want the striped ball to go in... oh no, I'm sorry!"

Dean took a few steps back and leaned against the safety of the wall, watching from a distance. "Exactly, Cas. No worries. Your cue ball is kinda far away from the cluster, so hit it with some strength. And remember the angles."

Castiel hit the cue ball pretty hard, and dead center. They all watched as the striped ball rolled forward and fell into the desired pocket. Kevin and Sam cheered, and Castiel turned to Dean with a huge, adorable grin on his face, his smile so wide it crinkled the corners of his eyes. He looked so happy that Dean's stomach had butterflies. _Oh, fuck me, he's so cute right now._

Just then, Ellen called down to the guys that dinner was ready, and they all headed up the stairs. Castiel was the last one in line, watching Dean from behind as they ascended toward the dining room. _That was amazing! But what was I thinking? That ass, is what I was thinking. And those arms. And... oh, sonofacracker. I'm falling for my best friend's brother._


	14. How Do I Get You Alone?

_Til_ _now I always got by on my own_  
_I never really cared until I met you_  
_And now it chills me to the bone_  
_How do I get you alone?_

_Alone - Heart_

~~~~~

  

As they all settled into their chairs around the large dining table, Castiel and Dean realized they were seated directly across from each other. Castiel just kept his eyes trained on his plate, arranging and rearranging his napkin nervously. Dean tried to get Charlie, and then Sam to switch seats with him, but they both ignored him rather effectively. Castiel wasn't oblivious to the fact that Dean wanted very much to be anywhere but seated across from him. He could still hear the words Dean had said to him before, when he'd made a drunken fool of himself in his office. He was sure he'd pissed him off thoroughly. ' _I'm not mad, Cas. And I don't hate you.''_ At the time, those were the sweetest words he could hope to hear out of Dean's mouth. The way he was acting towards him today, though...the reluctance to help him shoot pool, and not wanting to sit near him, could have fooled him. Maybe it was for the best. Or maybe he needed to help him change his mind, because he desperately wanted to be close to his body again.

Glasses of wine and beer were being handed around the table by Ash, which Castiel refused politely. _It'll be a long time before I get drunk in front of a Winchester again, let alone the whole family._ "Thank you, but I'll just have water." Ash shrugged and handed the beer to Dean instead. Dean took note of Castiel's drink choice, and a little smile played at the corner of his mouth. _Too bad. The man can't hold his liquor, but he sure is an adorable drunk._

Bobby, not usually one for many words, stood at the head of the table and cleared his throat. "Y'all know I don't like makin' a big deal outta things, but this year we've a couple extra people at the table. Kevin, Cas, we're glad to have ya, and we hope to see ya at Christmas. Now, we don't say grace around here. Just bein' together all at once is good enough. Let's eat!"

It wasn't the most eloquent speech, but to Castiel, it meant the world. He'd been friends with Charlie for a while now, but had never met her family, aside from Dot. Having no family of his own left, none that he cared about, anyway, it moved him to know that just by being invited to dinner, he was accepted. It had been far too long since he felt wanted by anyone. He wiped the moisture from the corner of his eye, and looked around the table at everyone. They were all busy passing plates, but then he met Dean's eyes, and had to quickly turn his attention back to his plate, embarrassed.

Dean watched Castiel. He couldn't help it. _Lord, but the man is sexy._ He watched the emotions play on his face as Bobby spoke. Watched his nervous expression soften as he smiled. Watched as his tears threaten to spill before he quickly wiped them away so nobody would notice. He saw the relief on his face. _His beautiful face. What I wouldn't give to be able to reach across the table and wipe his tears. What I wouldn't give to have him smile at me like that. Agh! No. Stop it, Winchester._ Dean cleared his throat and took a long swig of beer to try and swallow around the emotion that was building there.

As food was being eaten and second helpings were being passed around, conversation was moving quickly from Sam and Jess and their studies, to Charlie and Dot and their plans to buy a house, to Dean's upcoming entry into the pizza contest, and the recipes he'd come up with.

At the mention of the latter topic, Castiel sat up straighter and looked first at Charlie, then at Kevin, questions written all over his face. In a soft, confused voice he said, "I thought you said it was your contest, Charlie? You told me you needed help wi -"

"I did!" Charlie practically yelled as she cut him off, making everyone stop and look, forks halfway to their mouths, eyes wide. She continued quickly, "But what I meant, was, um, that Kevin and I were thinking of helping Dean with some recipes, and I wanted to get your input! I didn't...um..." Charlie was grasping for a plausible explanation, but she just stopped. She glanced from Dean to Castiel to Kevin, and back to Castiel again.

All heads turned to Castiel.

"You lied to me, Charlie?" Castiel had spoken very little throughout the day so far, so everyone was captivated by the turn of events. "Kevin?"

All heads turned to Kevin.

Kevin tried to explain. "Look...Cas....I'm sorry. Dean...you needed help coming up with a recipe, and Cas here is an amazing cook. We just didn't think you'd be open to his help, considering what happened the other day, you know...when you told me..." He trailed off.

All heads turned to Dean.

"I know what I said, Kevin. Thanks." Dean turned to Charlie, pointing a finger. "You and I will definitely have a conversation later." He then faced Castiel and said softly, sincerely, "I'd like to hear your ideas, Cas. Ok?"

All heads turned to Castiel.

Castiel nodded, and then stood, addressing the table. "I, uh, the food was great. I need some air. Thank you, everyone for making Kevin and I feel welcome here, today. It really means a lot. I'm sorry." He left the dining room and headed for the front door, grabbing his trench coat on the way. He closed the door behind him, and saw that snow had once again started falling. He shrugged his coat on, wrapped it around himself, and made his way over to the old-fashioned porch swing on the far end of the porch.

He loved watching the snow fall through the trees. He brought up his Pandora playlist on his phone, and Heart began playing softly from his pocket, adding to the ambiance. He hated to admit it, but he was cold, and was just thinking of going inside when Dean walked out the door and made his way towards him. Everyone had tried to get the story out of Dean and Charlie after Castiel left the table, but Kevin stepped in, saving them from giving the real explanation, and told them it had just been a miscommunication, but they were curious, and Dean couldn't take the questions.

"Do you mind?" Dean asked, as he motioned to the empty half of the porch swing next to Castiel.

"No, go ahead."

"Thanks."

They sat in silence for a moment listening to the song while Castiel tried desperately to not shiver himself out of the swing, wishing he had a thick leather jacket like Dean's.

Dean took notice of Castiel's increasing shivering and leaned down to open the wicker chest on the porch, to his right. He brought out a thick blanket, and handed it to Castiel, helping to cover his legs. "That should help. You know, you should really invest in a better coat, man. You'll get hypothermia before they serve the pie." He chuckled.

Castiel smiled at Dean. He liked hearing Dean laugh. He didn't think he'd ever heard or seen anything sweeter. It gave him the warm fuzzies in his heart. He liked how laughing, even a little bit, made Dean's face soften and his eyes crinkle at the corners. _He's got a lovely mouth. Perfect lips, and a perfect Cupid's bow... And, just... perfect for kissing._

"Thank you for the blanket, Dean. I appreciate it." He thought for a moment, then continued, "I love this old coat, though. I don't think I could ever give it up. It's been with me through a lot. My dad leaving, my mom getting sick..." His voice was thick and soft. "It has seen death and pain, and has had it's fair share of abuse. I just keep cleaning, sewing and wearing it. It's the last thing my dad gave me before he left. I keep it because it reminds me of what used to be. This coat is kind of who I am. That probably doesn't make sense to you." He shook his head. _Oh, son of a crap. I did NOT mean to go there. Not everyone needs my life story._

Dean was silent, trying to find the right words, and actually wanting to connect with Castiel. "You see that car out there? That black one? I've had that car since I was a teenager. I call her Baby. She was my dad's. She's the car that got my mom to the hospital when she was in labor with both me and Sammy. She's the car we went on road trips in. Sammy and I literally carved our initials into it. Honestly, that car is the last place I can remember being together as a family, happy and without a care in the world... before my parents died. That car is everything to me..." The emotion in his voice was thick.

Castiel instinctively reached out to Dean's hand to give him a reassuring pat, but his the moment his fingers touched Dean's, he felt the tingle of electricity on his skin, and it made him excited. He let his fingers linger for a few seconds longer than was necessary, wishing he could run his hand up Dean's muscular forearm, before pulling his hand back under the blanket.

"Than you, Dean. Sincerely. Thank you for sharing that with me. We're a bit more alike than I thought. Here I was thinking the only thing we had in common was our fantastic taste in music." He smiled over at Dean, who, slightly flushed because he, too, had felt the electricity between them, nervously laughed, trying lighten the mood once again.

"Yeah, I noticed that the first night you were in the bar." _Shit._ _Damn_ _. Damn. Shit._

Dean's admission startled Castiel. "You noticed me that night?"

"Yeah," he said with a sigh. "Dude, you were wearing a shirt with my favorite band on it. And you didn't complain about the music or the food. That goes a long way, in my book. And there's the impressive collection of classic rock t-shirts you seem to have. AC/DC, Scorpions, Kansas, Foreigner, Bob Seger... excellent choice in music, my friend."

They continued slowly swinging in silence for a few minutes. Castiel felt utterly blissful, having an actual conversation with this beautiful man while swinging gently on the porch, watching the snow fall silently around them. _It really is too bad this will go no further than friendship. He's so much nicer than he pretends to be._ When he finally spoke again, it was at the exact same time as Dean.

"Listen, Cas..." - "Dean, I...."

They both laughed. "You go first," said Dean.

"I just want to say I'm sorry, Dean, for rushing into your office the other day, and for messing things up at the bar by studying with Kevin. I didn't know it was a problem for me to be there. The other day, I took too many mini bottles from the store and subsequently drank them all, and I'm a terrible drunk. I seriously cannot hold my liquor."

"I noticed. I thought you were gonna pass out on me in the bathroom that first night, and I'm pretty sure you only had three beers." He laughed out loud and ran his hand through his hair. "Look, it's all good, Cas. I'm sorry. You're welcome back in the bar anytime. I know Kevin will be happy to have you there." _What am I getting myself into?_ He sighed out loud. "Now. Let's talk pizza. If your recipe concocting skills are half as good as those pies in there look and smell, then I might have to make you my ringer for the contest."

Dean found it easy to converse with Castiel on a strictly-friends level. He wasn't looking for anything sexual or romantic, and Castiel had Kevin anyway, so there was no danger, despite his attraction to the man.

They talked about pizza for a little while, and the conversation eventually switched to Castiel's job and family, and then back to music. Dean had grabbed the other half of the blanket and covered himself at some point. There was no sense in freezing his ass off, and no sense in going back inside where everyone would be nosy.

Eventually, their conversation lulled once again. Dean wasn't sure how long they'd been sitting in silence, listening to music, just swinging and sitting next to each other, when Castiel's head slowly and gently dropped onto Dean's shoulder. He looked down and smiled, his heart swelling a bit, making his chest feel tight. He really wanted to stroke his stupid, gorgeously messy hair and put his arm around him, but stopped himself. _No, Dean. You're_ _not in the market for a relationship, and he's got Kevin. There's no way_ _you're_ _gonna be a homewrecker._

Back inside the house, dinner had been over for a while, and everyone had dispersed to their respective corners of the house. Bobby and Ash were in the basement once again watching a game and Sam and Dot were playing pool. Ellen, Jo and Jess were in the kitchen finishing the clean-up, and Charlie and Kevin were quite content watching out the window of the front door, spying on Castiel and Dean.

"Oh! Look at that! They're getting along." Charlie smiled at Kevin. "This is going so perfectly."

"So it's a good time for Cas and I do our little 'break-up' scene, then?"

"No way! Not at a family dinner, are you crazy? Let's let it play out a little longer and see how it goes. Maybe wait 'til after the competition? We need Dean to admit to his feelings for Cas. He has to be sure, because I don't want to even THINK of what would happen if Cas fell for him and Dean didn't feel the same way."

"Fine. Maybe we should go out there and get them? It looks like they're freezing."

"Yeah, I think it's dessert time, anyway. I'll get 'em."

Charlie stepped out onto the porch, and the sound of the door opening startled Dean. He turned to look and woke Castiel, who raised his head and realized, immediately embarrassed, that he'd fallen asleep on Dean. _I fell asleep on him, and he let me?_

"It's dessert time, bitches!" Charlie, smiling, turned on her heels and went back in the house.

Dean stood up and folded the blanket, putting it back in the chest. He turned to Castiel and smiled. "C'mon." He indicated to the door with his head. "Let's go eat some pie!"

Everyone was around the table once again, the earlier altercation all but forgotten, enjoying pie and coffee. Dean had a slice of each kind of pie, his arm wrapped protectively around his plate, and he was making obscene sounds as he savored every mouthful.

"Uh, Dean, you gonna need some alone time with that plate?" Asked Sam. Everyone laughed.

"Seriously, though," said Dot. "This is some great pie, Castiel."

"Great? Try friggin' amazing." Dean sang his praises between bites. "Cas, buddy, you can bake the hell outta some pie!"

Everyone at the table, mouths full, agreed in unison. Castiel beamed. "Thanks, everyone. Did you know that eating pie was banned in 1644? The ban was lifted in 1660. Also, more than one-third of Americans have eaten pie in bed."

Dean snorted and shoveled another piece in his mouth, using his fork to accentuate his words. "Banning pie is ridiculous. It's the most perfect food in the world. I'm glad they came to their senses." He took another bite. "And pie in bed. Now THAT'S something I can believe in."

Everyone groaned at Dean's goofiness, and Ellen patted Castiel's arm. "You're gonna need to bring about five more of these when you come back for Christmas."

Castiel smiled so hard his cheeks hurt. _I_ _get_ _to_ _come_ _back_ _for_ _Christmas_ _!_

After the plates were cleared and coffee cups were drained, the night was finally winding to an end. Charlie and Dot opted to stay the night to catch up some more with Sam and Jess, so they didn't need Dean to drive them home. Dean had to wake up early to take stock and do the ordering for the following week for the bar, which meant Kevin had to be in early, and seeing as he drove Castiel there, he had to leave, too. After everyone said their goodbyes, and hugs were given all around, the three of them headed out to their cars.

Kevin sprinted down the steps and out into the snow to get his car started and the heater going, and as Castiel took a few steps to follow, Dean reached a hand out to grab his arm, keeping him from leaving. "Wait, Cas."

Castiel turned back a little too fast and with the slippery ground under foot, he ended up inches away from Dean's face. "Yes, Dean?"

"Uh..." Dean couldn't think. Words failed him at that moment, having him so close. _Oh, God_ _. "_ Um, yeah, can I have your number? You know, so I can plan that pizza?  With you?" He cleared his throat. "Not like, pizza together, but pizza. For the thing. The working together. Thing." He cleared his throat. _Ok._ _What_ _the_ _hell_ _happened_ _to_ _my_ _brain_ _?!_

"Oh. Yes. That would be fine." He smiled and handed Dean his phone. "Now you give me yours, and we can both put our numbers in." They put their numbers into their respective phones, and Castiel handed Dean his phone back. Their fingers touched, and he felt that little jolt of electricity crackle between them again. He giggled nervously, and slid his phone back into his pocket.

Dean smiled at that, in spite of himself, and said, "I'll call ya. Good night."

"Good night, Dean." Castiel turned to leave, but hesitated and turning around, against his better judgement, he threw his arms around Dean's shoulders and hugged him. "And thank you for today. I... I love seeing you smile... you have a beautiful smile, Dean. I wish I could see it more often." He let go and jumped quickly into Kevin's car and closed the door.

As Castiel and Kevin drove away, Dean stood in the driveway, speechless. It was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to him, and he was, frankly, not sure what to do with it. In one night, Castiel had shown him more compassion and genuine affection than he'd been given from someone outside his family in a long time, and though he tried to convince himself he didn't want it, he couldn't help smiling.

Inside the house, everyone, including Bobby, was watching out the picture window, smiling. Sam elbowed Bobby in the ribs as he said, "THIS is EXACTLY what I was trying to tell you guys!"

Jo whispered "I knew it!"

Ellen leaned her head on Bobby's arm and he nodded and murmured. They'd just confirmed what they'd suspected from day one with the Crowley situation.


	15. Carry On

_Masquerading as a man with a reason_  
_My charade is the event of the season_  
_And if I claim to be a wise man,_  
_Well, it surely means that I don't know_

_Carry On My Wayward Son -_ _Kansas_

~~~~~

Castiel had been in a much better mood in the week following Thanksgiving dinner.  He hadn't yet heard from Dean, which was making him nervous, but he'd wait it out.  Dean told him he'd call, and he believed him.  He had no problem waiting.

His shift over for the day, Castiel was back in his apartment and had just settled into his couch with a bowl of soup and a glass of iced tea, about to start season three of Dr. Sexy on Netflix, when his phone played the intro to Carry On My Wayward Son, the song he'd set as Dean's ringtone.  As he reached out and hit 'answer' on his phone, he nearly knocked his soup over, and instead succeeded in spilling his tea on himself.

".... Shitty shit!  No... Not the...!  Ah, hell....." Castiel dropped the phone into his soup as he struggled to hold it with one hand, while picking up his glass and mopping up his tea with his free hand.

"Cas?  Cas!  Is everything ok?  Do you need help?"

Castiel could hear yelling through his phone's speaker.  He held it up to his ear wet and dripping with vegetable beef.  "I'm sorry, I just spilled a giant glass of very cold tea all over my lap, and I hadn't even started watching Dr. Sexy yet.  And my phone took a bath in my soup."

Dean laughed, which sounded like music to Castiel's ears.  He didn't think hearing that sound would ever get old.  "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Dean. Thank you for asking.  My lap is currently very cold and very wet, but nothing to worry about."

"Listen, I've got some free time tomorrow morning before I open.  Meet me at the bar and we can talk pizza. I've got all the ingredients we talked about."

"Sure, Dean.  What time, though?  I've got tomorrow off, but the bus doesn't start running 'til 9 am."

"I was thinking around 8 am.  Text me your address and I'll pick you up.  Sound fair?"

"Definitely.  I'll be waiting."

"Great.  It's a date.  Uh, I mean, it's...ah...yeah.  I'll see you tomorrow."  Dean didn't bother with a goodbye. He was so flustered, he hung up before he could say it.

Castiel just stared at his phone in awe.  He was pretty sure Dean had just made a Freudian slip, and called their working arrangement a 'date.'  _Nah. Dean-Fabulous Ass-Winchester doesn't like boys.  He's into trashy, emotionally unstable women who leave him wrecked._ Castiel dismissed the idea... but he was intrigued. 

Back in his own house, Dean hung up his phone and put his face in his hands.  _It's a date?  Really?  You've lost your marbles for sure this time._

~~~~~

True to his word, Dean pulled up outside Castiel's very run-down apartment building bright and early the next morning.  He tapped out a quick text to let him know he was outside.  Castiel texted back almost immediately that he was dealing with an issue, and he'd be out soon.   Five minutes went by, and still no Castiel, and Dean started to get worried.  He texted and got no response.  Five more minutes went by and he called, and got no response.  Now Dean was downright scared that something had happened to Castiel.  He didn't live in the greatest section of town, so who knows what kind of hoodlums were lurking around.  He wasn't sure he wanted to leave his Baby out on the street alone, but he needed to go help Castiel. 

Just as he'd entered the building and was trying to figure out which floor he needed, Castiel threw his door open and got halfway down the stairs before seeing Dean in the hallway.

"Dean, up here.  Quick.  I need your help."

Dean spun around and sprinted up the stairs to come face to face with a soaking wet Castiel, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans, unbuttoned at the top, hanging dangerously low on his hips.  His hair was a mess and he was dripping wet from head to toe.  "What the hell...?"

"I was getting dressed when I heard a bang from the kitchen.  I went to look, and there was water everywhere.  I tied a towel around the faucet, but I can't figure out how to stop the water.  Can you help?"  He looked down at Dean, standing a step below him, and saw the legitimate concern in his eyes.

Dean was nearly immobilized by the sight of Castiel's bare, wet chest.  He wasn't a body builder, but he had the body of a runner.  Toned, lightly tanned, slightly defined pecs and abs, and very nicely muscled arms.  His eyes flicked to Castiel's waist where the top button of his jeans were opened, revealing a lightly sculpted vee with just a little glimpse of hair trailing into the waistband... _Good God, why do you tempt me like this?_ Dean swallowed hard, and his voice came out in a squeak. "Uh, yeah. Of course I'll help."

Castiel led Dean up the remaining rickety stairs to his apartment, and Dean's eyes were fixed on a very shapely, very nice, wet, denim clad ass the entire way.  He tore his eyes away from said ass to find himself in a tiny, old, one bedroom apartment.  The wallpaper had seen better days and was beginning to peel and the carpet was worn through to the floor beneath in some places, but the furnishings looked like antiques and they were in good shape. A door to the right stood open, and he could see a bed and tiny bathroom beyond it.  To his left was the kitchen sink with the leaking faucet.  He went directly to it, and proceeded to get on his knees and look in the cabinet under the sink.  He got on his back for a better view, and scooted head first into the cabinet.  He tried to turn the water shutoff valve with his hands, but it wouldn't budge.  "Cas, do you have a wrench?"

"Wrench.  Wrench.... uh, no, I don't think so.  Wait!  I have an old tool box of my dad's in the closet.  I'll be right back."  A small crash and a muffled 'Blazes!' later, and Castiel returned with an old, rusty red 1970's tool box.  He opened it up and dropped to his knees next to Dean.  "Here, will this work?"

Dean took the wrench, which thankfully was adjustable, and finally managed to shut the water off.  "Cas, c'mere.  Get on your back and put your head in here.  I want to show you what I did, in case this happens again."  Castiel turned over and wiggled into the cabinet next to Dean, and Dean switched on his phone for more light.  "You see this knob?  This shuts off the water.  These pipes are so old, that it was rusted open, but I managed to shut it off.  If this happens again, you just turn it that way," he motioned, "and you're good to go.  But right now, you need to call your super and get him to fix this shitty, old plumbing."

Phone still glowing, both men silent, Dean turned his head to face Castiel, who was already starting at him.  Castiel's wet hair glistened, and his face was a mixture of shadows and light dancing off the drops of water on his eyelashes, his nose, his lips.  Dean's breath was suddenly shallow, and he licked his dry lips.  He'd never wanted to kiss someone as badly as he wanted to kiss this man. 

"Thank  you, Dean."  Castiel spoke at last, breaking the silence.  "Really.... I... I don't know how to thank you."  He was staring at Dean's lips, wondering what he would taste like, or if he'd get angry if he leaned over and kissed him.

Dean stared at him for a moment longer, and then scooted back out from under the cabinet.  "No need, Cas.  Let's, uh, let me clean up the water. You go change."  He was already on his feet, grabbing at the towels on the counter.  Castiel reluctantly walked to his room to change clothes.  Dean's eyes followed, hoping to catch a glimpse of... something... as he changed, but much to his disappointment, he didn't see anything.

~~~~~

Once Castiel was properly dressed and he'd called the building manager to make the repairs to his sink, they left the building and climbed into Dean's car, making their way to his bar.  Dean stuck an AC/DC tape into the tape deck and it played quietly in the background.  Castiel looked around the interior of the car and was immediately impressed.  "This car is amazing, Dean.  I can see why you love her.  You must pay a fortune to keep her this nice, and running this smoothly."

Dean was beaming.  Aside from Sam and the bar, he was most proud of his car.  "Nah, I do all the work myself.  After my dad died, I spent a lot of long, lonely nights in Bobby and Ellen's garage getting her back into shape.  That's why I named her Baby.  I feel like I raised her, gave her a good home, everything she needed." _And_ _now_ _my_ _brain_ _works_ _._ _Thanks_ _,_ _brain_ _._ _I_ _appreciate_ _it_ _._

Castiel was even more impressed with Dean as he talked.  He had an amazing work ethic that must have been instilled by his parents at a very young age.  He felt his attraction growing stronger, and as Dean continued, Castiel couldn't help staring at him across the wide bench seat, studying his face.  The way his profile looked against the window with the morning light behind him, his chiseled jaw and strong chin, the tiny smattering of freckles across his nose, and the impossibly long eyelashes framing those beautiful green eyes. 

Dean could feel Castiel's eyes on him, and it was making him squirm in his seat. Not because it made him uncomfortable, but because he was growing increasingly aroused by the in-depth study of his face.  Nobody had looked at him like that in a long, long time, and he could feel his face start to flush and the warmth began traveling down to his abdomen and lower... He shifted in his seat and turned the music up, and Castiel looked away, blushing.

They'd almost arrived at the bar anyway, which made Dean release a long sigh when he pulled the car around to the house in back.  He could get a distance between himself and Castiel, so that the bulge in his pants could settle down and quit betraying him. They both got out of the car and Dean led Castiel to the front door of his house. "All of the ingredients are in my kitchen in the house. You mind helping me take them into the bar?"

"Sure, happy to help," said Castiel, as he followed Dean. Truth be told, he was quite interested in what the inside of the house looked like.  He was having a hard time getting a bead on what made Dean Winchester tick, because it felt like - for a seemingly straight guy - he was maybe a little interested, but was also holding back, and he wasn't quite sure what to make of it.

Once inside the house, Castiel could tell that the decor matched the man, perfectly.  Somber colors, dark wood, worn but comfortable furniture, and just enough light to see by.  Everything had a comfortable, manly, yet tasteful feel to it.  He followed Dean through the small house from the entryway through the living room - where he could see a small fireplace and a short hallway to his left, and another short hallway to his right - and ahead into the kitchen. He let Dean load his arms up with supplies before following him back outside and into the bar's back door to the kitchen.  They took their jackets off, and Dean made a pot of coffee.  With all of the ingredients, bowls, pans and utensils out on the table, they began working on the recipes they'd talked about at Thanksgiving.


	16. My Guitar Gently Weeps

_I don't know why nobody told you_  
_How to unfold your love_  
_I don't know how someone controlled you_  
_They bought and sold you_

_While My Guitar Gently Weeps - The Beatles_

~~~~~

While Dean and Castiel worked, they shared a bit more of their respective backgrounds, with Dean being the first to ask, since Charlie had already told Castiel her life story, and she liked to talk, so everyone else's story had been told as well. Besides, his brain was functioning minimally at best, and he'd rather listen to how this sweet man with the hauntingly blue eyes and beautiful soul came to be here.

"So, Cas. Where do you work, and why do you live in that rat hole? You seem smart. You should be teaching, or something fancy." Castiel, somewhat curious as to why Dean wanted to know so much, but happy to have an outlet, began to tell him how his dad left, how his mom got sick, how he had to leave college and how he subsequently lost the house he grew up in.

"It was a really rough time for me, taking care of the finances and funeral details all alone," Castiel explained while they worked. "After I was given the eviction notice, I had already been out of school for too long, had very little money and almost no options. I took the first job I could find, not that it's a bad job, mind you, but it doesn't pay the best. I found the cheapest apartment in the paper, and I guess I've just been... existing, ever since. I've managed to save a little money, but it's not much. I'm hoping to buy a car soon. I really despise public transportation."

"That sounds rough. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be. And don't waste your worry on me. I'm fluent in enough languages to talk to and get along with just about everyone I meet, and I'm saving money regularly."

His instinct screamed at him to stop, but Dean put his hand over Castiel's on the prep table in a gesture of compassion. He didn't trust himself to form words.

Castiel looked down at Dean's hand covering his own, and a delicious tingle of excitement traveled up his arm from the soft touch. Just as he was about to open his mouth to say something, the oven timer chimed, signaling the fifth pizza was done. With five different pizzas assembled and four already taste-tested, Dean and Castiel shared an excited smile between them. Dean removed his hand, regrettably, so he could take the final pizza from the oven. It was the pizza Castiel was most excited about with smoked, shredded beef brisket, honey barbecue sauce and cheddar cheese, and a honey garlic crust. Once it cooled, they each ate a slice and rated it, like the others, on a scale of one to ten in terms of crust flavor, sauce flavor, crust to cheese ratio, toppings, etc. Dean was determined to win the contest, so rating was important. "Cas," Said Dean, with a grin. "I really think this one's the winner. It's freakin' delicious, and I think the judges are gonna agree."

Castiel was feeling proud of himself, and felt an even stronger connection to Dean now than he had before. He didn't think Dean would open up to him more than he already had, but he wanted to try. He wasn't sure how to broach the subject of Dean's love life, so he just blurted out, "Dean, why don't you have a girlfriend?" He regretted it almost instantly. "I'm sorry. It's none of my business. I shouldn't pry."

"I don't talk about me that much. Nobody asks and I don't offer."  Dean leaned against the small counter that held the kitchen's sink. "I'm not... Um... good at that stuff.  For me, relationships end badly, and I'm taking a break. From all of it. Indefinitely."

Castiel thought for a moment, as the Beetles played over the speakers. "You can't get hurt if you don't try, right? So you're just...done trying?" Dean was silent, so Castiel continued, not meeting his eyes. "I get it. Ever since I was in high school and got screwed over by one of the popular boys... well, that's a long story, but let's say I thought he was interested, and he was just playing out a bet with his jock friends. He was my first kiss, and it kind of traumatized me. I really haven't had another one since. Not for lack of wanting... I just stopped trying. Sometimes I think I'm not meant to have the kinds of things other people have. If I was, it would have happened by now."

Dean listened quietly and patiently to Castiel talk, and realized it must have been really painful for him to open up like that. The more Castiel talked, with those beautiful blue eyes cast downward at the floor, the more he realized how very similar they were, to the point he was seeing himself in Castiel. He inched closer to his side, until their shoulders were almost touching.

"Cas," Dean said softly. "The actions of 15 year old assholes do not make you deserve less than anyone else."

Castiel looked up in surprise. He didn't realize Dean had gotten so close, and wasn't expecting to hear such kindness in his voice. He cocked his head toward the speaker in the ceiling. "You know, Dean, George Harrison wrote this song because the I Ching inspired it. The Eastern concept is that whatever happens is meant to be, and that there's no such thing as coincidence. Everything that happens has a purpose. I believe in that school of thought, Dean. I know I've been alone for a reason. Just as I've met you for a reason." He turned to face Dean and continued, noticing Dean's breath was now coming in shallow gasps, and he was watching Castiel's lips. "I don't know who you've been involved with before, Dean, and I don't want to know. What I do know, with certainty, is that they were all beyond foolish and ignorant for letting you go, because you should be loved, Dean..."

_To hell with him being straight._ _If I don't do this now, I'll never forgive myself._ Castiel touched the back of Dean's neck with one hand and placed the other on his cheek, his thumb tracing circles on his cheekbone. Dean didn't budge. Castiel moved his head inches forward to bring their lips together, gently at first. He sucked lightly at Dean's bottom lip, then ran his tongue along the inside of Dean's top lip. Castiel's mind and body were positively humming with pleasure as Dean let out a sigh and pressed his body closer, wrapping his arms around Castiel's waist, kissing him with more feeling, as Castiel opened his mouth to let Dean's tongue in. Castiel felt goose bumps crawl over his arms as Dean's lips moved to his neck and his hands moved up to stroke his hair as he nibbled his way back up his neck, along his jaw, and back to his lips. He captured Castiel's lips once again and kissed him deeply, until they were both out of breath, forehead to forehead, gasping for air.

Suddenly, someone cleared their throat loudly from the doorway, and Dean and Castiel jumped apart quickly, embarrassed and with their faces flushed and lips swollen. Kevin was standing in the doorway, trying his best to hide his smile and to look angry, hurt, betrayed, whatever he was supposed to be. "Castiel, what's going on? Dean? Can someone explain this to me?"

"Shit, Kevin, I'm sorry. That wasn't supposed to happen. I... It was nothing..." Dean looked at Castiel, who remained silent, a hurt look on his face.

Kevin looked at Castiel and said, "We're over." Then he looked at Dean. "It's almost time to open. Mind if I have some pizza?"

Castiel, feeling more than a little embarrassed and hurt, hurried toward the door, turning before leaving, and said, "I'm sorry, Dean. I wasn't thinking. I hope you can forgive me." With that, he was out the door and running from the bar once again.


	17. I Want To Know

_In my life, there's been heartache and pain_  
_I don't know if I can face it again_  
_Can't stop now, I've traveled so far_  
_To change this lonely life_

_I Want to Know What Love Is - Foreigner_

~~~~~

Dean looked at Kevin, horrified. "Kevin, man, I'm sorry. I... Uh, I don't know what that was. I didn't mean..." He rubbed the back of his neck, and tried to calm his breathing.

"Dean, no worries." Kevin cut him off. "We weren't really serious, anyway. It's ok. I didn't even get as far with him as you did." He grabbed a couple slices of pizza. "You know, I think he has a thing for you anyway. He's not great at hiding his emotions. They're kinda, like, out there on his face. All the time." He made a circular motion at his face with his hand.

"Yeah?" Dean looked up, curious. "You think he has feelings for me?" Dean cleared his throat and lowered his voice, trying to sound less like a highschool girl with a crush. "I mean, uh... So you think he likes me?"

"Oh, for sure." Kevin said nonchalantly, now munching on his third slice. "And I bet he's freezing his ass off. He left his coat over there." He indicated with his chin to the chair in Dean's office. Dean turned to look, and sure enough, there was Castiel's old, tan trench coat. Dean made a decision then, and he'd be damned if he was going to think about it any longer than it took to grab his car keys and Castiel's coat, and run out the door.

~~~~~

Dean thought for sure Castiel would be at the bus stop. When he didn't see him, he thought he'd find him walking the highway back towards town.  He drove slowly, hoping he wouldn't find his frozen body in the ditch, cursing the whole time. 

_Shit.  It's the beginning of December for Christ's sake._

_It's like 10 degrees out here, dammit._

_Son of a bitch_ _!_ _Maybe he caught the bus and he's on his way home._

_Fuck!  That had better be what he did._

Dean was ridiculously nervous, on the verge of a panic attack, over a damned _guy._ He tapped out a quick text to Castiel before he took off speeding down the road.

Dean:  Hey.  We need to talk.  Where are you?

No response.

Dean drove to the convenience store, just to be sure he wasn't there, and he wasn't.  He felt his anxiety rising.  He texted Charlie.

Dean:  I can't find Cas.  Is he with you?

Charlie:  What do u mean u can't find him?! WHAT DID U DO???

Dean:  Nothing!  He left and I can't find him.  Never mind

Charlie:  So help me Dean, if u hurt him...

He ignored Charlie's subsequent texts that kept his phone chiming on the seat next to him, and drove to Castiel's apartment. He parked haphazardly on the street out front, grabbed the coat, and ran inside the building and up the stairs to his door. He knocked and knocked, with no response. Weary and worried, he sat down on the top step and waited. He sent another text to Castiel.

Dean: Cas, I'm sorry. Please talk to me

No response.

He tried to call him, and it went straight to voicemail:  'This is Castiel.  You should leave a message... If you want to. Ok, I'm done. Hey, how do I stop this thing?  Charlie!  Which button do I push?'  Dean chuckled to himself, because that was just so damn cute, but he didn't leave a message.  If it took all day, he was going to wait for Castiel. He had to come home sometime.  He scooted over and leaned against the wall, using the trench coat as a pillow, and unintentionally fell asleep.

~~~~~

Close to an hour later, Castiel was shivering and his arms were wrapped around himself. He was kicking himself mentally for leaving his coat at the bar. It was a short walk from the bus stop to his building, and the first thing he noticed was Dean's car, parked like a jackass, out front. _What the nuts?_ He checked his phone and realized it was dead.  He walked cautiously through the building's front door and stopped short when he saw Dean, asleep, on the stairs.  _He_ _actually_ _fell asleep on my stairs.  It's quite adorable..._

Dean stirred as Castiel walked up the stairs to stop in front of him, and woke up when Castiel shook his shoulder. "Dean? What on earth are you doing here?"

"Cas? Where the hell have you been?" Dean practically barked out as he jumped up. "I've been worried sick! You can't just take off like that and not tell people where you're going, and you can't just ignore people's calls and texts." He was on his feet now, and he thrust the coat into Castiel's arms. "You forgot your coat. I thought I was gonna find you frozen to death on the side of the road, damn it." His voice was gruff with emotion, betraying the tough exterior he always tried to wear.

Castiel regarded him cautiously.  "Dean, it's a very long bus ride. I told you I hate public transportation, and that's why. And my phone is dead. I didn't know you - ". Suddenly, he was swept up in a tight hug that he didn't see coming. He was freezing and Dean was so warm. He allowed himself to melt into him, putting his arms around his waist, hooking his chin on Dean's shoulder, hugging him back.

Dean didn't want to think.  Castiel felt so good in his arms, and he didn't want to over analyze things like he always did.  He just wanted to feel, to shut his mind off, which was doing a damn fine job of not working lately anyway, and let his body decide what to do.  He reluctantly pulled away, but the moment he saw the longing in Castiel's beautiful eyes, his brain ceased thinking. He just dipped his head and caught Castiel's lips with his, and kissed him like he was dehydrated and Castiel's mouth was water. 

Castiel groaned, the kiss so intense he almost lost his balance on the stairs. He broke the kiss and taking Dean's hand in his, he led him up the last step.  He nervously fumbled with the keys, finally unlocking and opening the door.  He dropped his coat and keys on the table by the door and kicked it shut, turning to Dean, and held him for a moment at arm's length.

"Wait, Dean.  I don't understand. I kissed you, and you seemed very into it, and then you said it was nothing. Now you're here, kissing me again. Please help me understand what's happening."

Somewhere in the tiny apartment, Foreigner was on the radio, and the yearning lyrics went straight to Dean's heart, giving him the strength to say what he was feeling.  "Cas." Dean sighed, and rubbed his hands down his face. "It's not that simple. I mean, Kevin snuck up on us, and you two were still together, and you caught me by surprise, Cas, and you KISSED me." Dean walked to the small couch and sank down into it, elbows on his knees, face in his hands. He continued, muffled.  "Do you have any idea how long I've been wanting to kiss you? It was driving me crazy, seeing you with him."  He leaned back, his arm covering his eyes.  "I'm so sorry, Cas. It wasn't nothing. It was so..."  He sighed.

In a matter of seconds, Castiel closed the gap between the door and the couch, and boldly straddled Dean's lap, on his knees, facing him. He took Dean's hands in his and pulled them away from his face.  He brought his hands between them and, looking down at them, rubbed his thumbs softly over Dean's palms, tracing the lines. He looked into Dean's eyes and saw that same sadness and loneliness he saw before, but this time there was a spark of something new and hopeful there.

Dean pulled his hands away and rested them on Castiel's hips and tilted his chin up.  Castiel put his hands behind Dean's neck and slowly drew his fingers through his hair, loving the silky feel of it on his skin.  Dean closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of hands in his hair. He was aching to have Castiel's lips on his, but the anticipation was delicious, and it made his entire body tingle. Dean shifted his hips and Castiel could feel Dean hardening against him.  His own jeans grew tighter as his length filled, straining against the zipper, sending a shiver through his body.  Castiel dipped his head and gently covered Dean's mouth with his, kissing him tentatively, enjoying the softness of Dean's perfect lips.  Gripping Castiel's hips tighter, Dean hungrily kissed him back, deepening the kiss, opening Castiel's mouth with his tongue.  Not entirely satisfied, Dean's hands slid down to Castiel's ass and pushed his hips down, lightly bucking his own hips against him, enjoying the friction.  Castiel broke the kiss, breathing heavily, startled by the intense feeling of pleasure. Not that he hadn't been intimate with himself before, but this was an entirety new sensation.

Dean locked eyes with Castiel and slid himself down to the edge of the overstuffed couch with Castiel still straddling him, forcing Castiel to tilt his own hips and fall forward slightly onto Dean's chest, knees still on either side of him on the deep couch. Maintaining eye contact, Dean's hands slipped inside the back of Castiel's jeans and gripped his ass even tighter, kneading and pushing, still bucking his hips and thrusting his swollen, denim-covered pelvis into Castiel's, whose eyes were shining with pure lust.  Castiel moaned and nuzzled Dean's neck, shoving a hand up under his shirt. He found and tweaked one of his nipples, sending waves of pleasure through Dean's body.  They were both panting hard. Castiel's mouth nipped hungrily at Dean's neck, and his hands gripped Dean's shoulders for leverage. Dean sucked on the hollow between Castiel's neck and shoulder. They were both grinding hard into each other.  Their pace turned frantic, and suddenly Castiel was moaning as a shudder ran through his body, and seconds later Dean bit down lightly on Castiel's shoulder to muffle his own groan of release.

They both stilled, and Castiel buried his face in Dean's neck.  Dean brought his hands up to Castiel's back and rubbed lightly, comfortingly.  "Cas, that was... unexpected." Dean instantly regretted his choice in words.

"Unexpected," Castiel repeated.  He sat up straight.  "Your pants... Dean, I'm sorry."  he looked up at Dean, biting his lip.

"I, uh, I have a change of clothes in the car."

Castiel's eyebrows shot up. He got to his feet and quickly headed to his small bedroom. "I'm going to change now."

Dean wasn't sure why Castiel's mood suddenly switched.  He looked at his lap. The wetness hadn't yet spread to his jeans and wasn't noticeable, although it was becoming uncomfortable. He sprinted down to the car and back, a change of clothes in hand.

Castiel heard his front door close and he called out to Dean.  "Why don't you change in here.  I'm finished.  Feel free to take a shower, if you need to."  He waited until Dean was in the room before quickly walking out without eye contact.

Once again, Dean was perplexed by the sudden mood shift. He cleaned up and changed in record time, opting not to take a shower.  He came out of the bedroom to find Castiel frantically cleaning the tiny kitchen, his back to him.

Without looking up, Castiel said "You don't have to stay. I understand. You can leave your clothes here and I'll wash them and have Charlie bring them back to you - " Suddenly he was pulled into another tight hug, this time from behind. Dean's strong arms wrapped around his waist, his mouth on his cheek. 

"I'm not leaving, Cas. Not yet." He turned Castiel around in his arms so he was facing him.  "What's wrong?"

Castiel looked at the stove, out the window, at the floor...anything to avoid eye contact.  He felt stupid, and could feel the heat rising in his face.  "Dean, what we just did... I... why do you have a change of clothes in your car?"

Dean sighed. "Cas, I don't run around looking for fun fucks. That's not who I am anymore. I haven't had sex in a few years. The clothes weren't there for one night stands.  Look at me." He took a step back and indicated his tattered, stained t-shirt and ripped jeans.  "These are the clothes I wear when I work on Baby out at Bobby and Ellen's.  So I don't mess up my good clothes. I get grease and oil on everything."

Castiel felt his cheeks flush again and he looked away. "I have to admit, I... I'd like to do that again, Dean. I just... I know you're far more experienced than I am. I... I'm a virgin. I've never been with another man. Or a woman."

Dean cringed inwardly. _A_ _VIRGIN?  Fuck my damn life._ He felt the internal walls he'd built over the years beginning to shake, and knew that no good could come of this.


	18. I Can't Get Enough

_Well, I take whatever I want, And baby, I want you_  
_You give me something I need, now tell me I got something for you_  
_Come on, come on, come on and do it_  
_Come on and do what you do_  
_I can't get enough of your love_

_I Can't get enough - Bad_ _Company_

~~~~~

Dean suddenly remembered that he hadn't opened the bar.  He'd left Kevin standing in the kitchen with the remnants of the pizzas.  "Shit, what time is it?"  He pulled out his phone to check the time.  1:15.  The bar was supposed to be opened over two hours ago.  He looked at the phone again and saw he had fifteen missed texts and one missed call.  "Dammit, Charlie! Fifteen messages is overkill! I'm sorry, Cas, but I've gotta call her and check on the bar."

"No problem, Dean. I guess I should probably charge my phone. You can go in the bedroom if you need privacy."

While Dean called Charlie, Castiel plugged in his phone and proceeded to read his missed messages; two from Dean. He saved those.  Three from Kevin asking if he was alright and saying he was glad the ruse was over. Seven from Charlie:  'Dean's looking for u. Are u ok? Where are u? Now Dean is missing. What happened?' Did he hurt u? Do u need me to hurt him?' He sent a short text to both Charlie and Kevin letting them know he was ok, Dean found him, and that they were talking.

"Charlie!"  Cas heard Dean yelling from the bedroom.  He didn't want to eavesdrop, but it was a small apartment, so it couldn't be helped.  "I'll be damned if I'm telling you what's going on!  No, I won't 'spill it' and you should know better than to ask." 

A pause.

"I'm sorry.  Thanks for opening for me. Yes, fine, you're the best sister in the whole world.  Will you tell the guys 'hey' for me, and make sure you comp Jodi's meal?  Yeah, I know you know, but...  Oh. No! Wait!" A sigh. "Hi, Ellen.  Yes.  Thanks for stepping in to help, I..."

A longer pause.

"Oh my god!  You guys have too much time on your hands!  I should probably be thoroughly disgusted by that.  Yes, he's fine. No, I didn't hurt him. And no, I didn't do anything close to that with - fine, I'll shut up."

An even longer pause, and Castiel could see Dean pacing the small bedroom.

"I know.  He does.  Yes! Why? What's so weird about that?  Ok, I will. And thanks, Ellen. No, I don't need to talk to her again. She can go to hell with that dirty mouth of hers.  Love you, too."

Dean came out of the bedroom to find Castiel looking at him with a mixture of amusement and horror on his face.  He held up his phone and gave it a little wiggle.  "I think I need to give Charlie more to do.  She has too much downtime for thinking dirty little thoughts.  She thought I'd kidnapped you and... well," Dean blushed.  "You don't want to know what I heard come out of her mouth.  Anyway, she opened the bar, and called Ellen to bartend, so it's all running smoothly without me, apparently."

"Good. It must be nice to have people like that in your life.  At least you know you have someone worrying about you."

"I think you misunderstood me, Cas. They weren't worried about me. They thought I hurt you. I mean, it's my family, and they're worried about you. Ellen told me to give you her best."  Dean laughed.  "You made an impression on them at Thanksgiving, you know.  On me, too."  He looked down at the floor, running a toe over the carpet, embarrassed. 

"Dean, come here.  I'd like you to sit with me."  Castiel patted the couch next to him.

Dean went to the couch and sat beside Castiel.  It was the same couch they'd just been intimate on. Somehow, that made Dean nervous. There wasn't much room. It was a tattered and worn overstuffed loveseat, and besides the two bar stools at the kitchen island separating the two areas, there was no other seating in the apartment.  He felt like he couldn't get comfortable, with too much energy built up all of a sudden.

"Dean, relax.  I just want to talk to you.  Remember earlier, when I said I was a virgin?" He waited for a nod from Dean.  "Well, I've been thinking about it, and I'm not asking for this lightly, Dean," He sat forward, nervously twisting his hands.  "But I want my first time to be with you."

Dean opened his mouth to protest, but nothing came out. He wasn't sure what to say. _I don't want to say no._ _Lord knows I want him something awful, but I can't be his first... that just comes with too much baggage._ Dean's throat was dry, and he couldn't bring himself to say 'no,'  but he couldn't say 'yes' either.  His body wanted this man like it wanted food, but his brain was screaming at him to cut and run.

Castiel sensed Dean's indecision, and the silence weighed heavily on the room.  "Dean," Castiel gently touched Dean's arm, trailed his hand down to Dean's hand, and laced their fingers together. "I'm not asking for a relationship. I'm not... I understand what you said earlier, and I still believe you're too hard on yourself, but, I... I feel a bond between us, and you make my body respond in ways I've never felt, and I really want to experience this with you. I want you, Dean." 

Castiel's voice had lowered to an almost growl, and Dean barely hung on to his sanity at the sound of it.  Every inch of his body ached to touch him, and he desperately wanted to see him naked.   His inner monologue was doing double time, arguing the pros and cons of getting involved.  Dean squeezed Castiel's hand, not sure if he was attempting to reassure himself or Castiel more.

"Look, Cas, I can't deny an attraction after what just happened, but I'm not the right guy for... I'm just not the right guy.  I know you said you won't ask for anything further, but you can't guarantee that. Things like this always lead to something more, and I don't do relationships. I'm the guy who... I hurt everyone, and everyone hurts me.  That's what I'm built for. I just...If it happened, I wouldn't stick around. I have nothing to give. I'll hurt you." _Before you have a chance to hurt me._

"Dean." Castiel had turned to face Dean. "I'm not some kid who can't take care of himself.  I'm not asking for anything more than one time.  I'm telling you what I want, no strings. You don't even need to care about me."  _Although I expect you do. You don't hide your feelings as well as you think you do._ The corners of Castiel's mouth twitched up into a small smile.

Castiel continued. "What was it you said before, Dean? What we did was 'unexpected,' right?" Dean winced at that word as he watched Castiel tilt his head to the side as if trying to decide something.  Castiel straightened his back, steeled himself, and looked Dean in the eyes, determined.  "I don't want to do the expected anymore, Dean.  I've done that my whole life. I rather liked the unexpected. It felt good.  And I don't want a relationship.  I just want sex.  With you." He lifted his chin, as if daring Dean to argue.

Dean's heart felt like it was about to beat out of his chest.  He pulled his hand away and stood up to pace the room. Castiel watched him walk back and forth, wearing a pattern in the already worn carpeting, hands in his hair.  _What the hell is wrong with you, Winchester? This is like a gift from the gods.  The heavens opened up and dropped sex on two legs in front of you, wanting nothing more than a fling, and you're having second thoughts?_ More pacing. _I don't do this anymore. This isn't me._   More pacing.  _Yes, but he's literally asking for it. He wants it, and you want him. No strings._ _Just the way you like it._ _It's that simple._   Dean stopped pacing, hands on his hips.  "Ok," he blurted out.

"Ok?"  Asked Castiel, disbelieving.

"Yes. Ok."  He squeezed the bridge of his nose, trying to stem the sudden headache that pounded its way into his brain. "Cas, I'm gonna run to the store real quick.  Pick your poison. I need a drink."

"Surprise me, Dean. I'm leaving it in your hands."

Dean groaned and grabbed his keys off the table by the door.  He had a feeling he was going to regret saying yes.

Castiel smiled as he watched Dean close the door.  He turned the radio up, and sang along to his favorite band, dancing a little as he moved around his small kitchen.


	19. I feel like Makin' Love

_Baby, if I think about you, I think about love_  
_Darling, if I live without you, I live without love_  
_And if I had the sun and moon, and they were shining_  
_I would give you both night and day, love satisfying_  
_I Feel like_ _makin'_ _love, feel like_ _makin'_ _love_  
_I Feel like_ _makin'_ _love, feel like_ _makin'_ _love to you_

_I feel Like_ _Makin'_ _Love - Bad_ _Company_

~~~~~

  

Dean sat in his car after leaving the grocery store, staring at his purchases. _I don't even remember buying that._ He regarded the six pack of Guinness and the single, long-stemmed pink rose on the seat next to him with confusion. He wasn't sure what kind of voodoo was involved in the purchase of the flower, but he sincerely had no recollection of buying it. Beer, yes, flower, no. _He'll like it. It'll make him smile._ Dean really did enjoy seeing Castiel smile.

~~~~~

Castiel started preparing dinner when he realized he was wearing his last clean shirt. He didn't have the money to do laundry until payday, and though he was self-conscious about his body, he didn't want to get his shirt dirty. He knew better than most how messy he could get when he was in his kitchen, in the zone, and creating what he considered to be food masterpieces. Reluctantly, he removed his shirt and put on an apron, just to be completely sure he wouldn't make a mess out of himself.

~~~~~

Dean put the car in gear and drove back to the apartment, taking the stairs two at a time. He knocked softly, unsure if he should just walk in. Castiel opened the door and leaned against the frame, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans that were barely hanging onto his sculpted hips, a cute flowered apron, and a smile. Dean just about drooled. It was domestic and adorable as hell, and it was a pleasant picture to take in. There was immediately an unspoken understanding between them that the deed was going down tonight.

"Dean." Castiel said, opening the door wide to let him in. "You didn't have to knock." His voice was soft and low and was sincerely messing with Dean's heartbeat.

Dean stepped inside and handed the rose to him awkwardly, then held up the six pack. "Beer. I got beer."

Castiel took both from him, sniffing the rose as he walked the short distance to the sink. He smiled as he cut the stem and found a vase to put it in. He put it in the center of the kitchen island, which was already set with what Dean assumed were the dishes and silverware they'd be using for dinner. It really was nice. And the flower did make Castiel smile, which made Dean happy. Castiel put the beer in the fridge, keeping one out on the counter for Dean.

"It smells great in here Cas," Dean commented, still keeping his distance, standing by the door.

"Thanks. I'm making tomato basil bisque. My mom's recipe. And triple grilled cheese on artisan bread. What you're smelling is the soup. It needs a few hours to sweeten up and for the favors to develop." Castiel opened the bottle of beer and walked over to hand it to Dean. He watched as Dean took a long pull, his throat working the liquid down. A drop of condensation from the bottle dripped onto the hollow of his throat, disappearing into his shirt.

Suddenly, Castiel was overcome with the need to kiss him, and Dean found himself up against the door with Castiel's hot, full lips on his mouth, his face, on his throat, searing the flesh everywhere they touched. Hands were under his shirt at his hips, warm and soft, and then just as suddenly as he started, Castiel stopped and looked at his hands a little self consciously.

Lust overriding sane thought, Dean pulled him back in for another kiss, holding him close. "Did you know, Dean," Castiel whispered nervously between kisses, "that tomatoes are fruit?" One of his hands hooked into the collar of his shirt, pulling it down to give Castiel better access to his neck. "There are more than 7,500 types of tomatoes in the world," He whispered against his collarbone. Dean lifted Castiel's head and licked and kissed along his jaw, to his ear. Castiel continued, "The earliest archaeological evidence of soup dates back to 6000 BC." Dean nibbled an earlobe, and one of Castiel's hands went to Dean's hair. He pulled his head down and kissed him hard, tongue sweeping over his lips, and plunging into his mouth, tasting beer and something sweet that he couldn't identify. Dean moaned and having already set his bottle next to the door, deepened the kiss until he couldn't breathe.

Dean broke the kiss, leaning his head back against the door, sucking in air, eyes closed. "God, Cas, where did you learn to kiss like that?" _And why are useless facts about tomato soup so damn sexy?_

Castiel smiled. "I'm a fast learner." He took a step back, more than satisfied with Dean's disheveled look and the evident bulge in his pants. "I believe I need a beer."

"Good idea, but, drink it slow, ok, because.... you can't, well, you know. How about we, um, calm down a bit and watch tv or something?" He grabbed his beer and went to the couch, sitting on the floor, legs out in front of him crossed at the ankles. He took a throw pillow off the couch and put it behind his back, getting comfortable. Castiel sat next to him, apron abandoned, now bare chested and Dean could see the top button of his jeans was undone. _Jesus, I'm doomed._

Castiel brought up his Netflix account and started an episode of 'Dr. Sexy.' "Have you seen this one, Dean?"

"I'm about a season behind, but that's fine. I don't mind watching out of order." He took a swig of his beer and was thankful for the cooling liquid, because his skin was on fire. _If_ _Castiel_ _can learn that fast, and turn me on that quickly, then tonight might not be that awkward after all._

The two of them ended up ignoring the show, for the most part, and fell into an easy conversation about the upcoming pizza competition. Talking about anything other than himself or feelings or sex, Dean could do with no effort. He started out explaining how it worked and how the judging took place, and ended up asking him if he'd like to help out on the day of, to be his right hand man. Truth be told, he couldn't think straight, and had a hard time concentrating, because Castiel had stretched out on the floor next to him. He was lost in watching his toned chest rippling with every movement of his hands as he talked, and his eyes kept glancing down, catching glimpses of a happy little trail of hair disappearing under the zipper of his jeans. Before they knew it, three hours had passed and the kitchen timer beeped, signaling the soup was done, and Castiel jumped up to take it off the heat. "Dean, do you mind helping me put the sandwiches together?"

"Sure." Dean grabbed their empty bottles and put them in the recycling bin, happy for the distraction. "You want another? Or wait til we eat?" Dean asked.

"I can wait. While you've got the fridge open, grab the tray of cheese and the butter, please."

Dean handed the items to Castiel, and he began lining up the sandwich ingredients on the island counter. "I'll butter, you fill with cheese," He told Dean. "One slice of each kind of cheese."

Dean obliged, and when the sandwiches were assembled - two for him and one for Castiel - he put the ingredients away and watched Castiel toast the sandwiches in a skillet on the small stove, a little mesmerised by the way the muscles in his back moved, and thoroughly warmed, and a little itchy, by the domesticity of it all.

Dean opened two more beers, and with sandwiches perfectly toasted and soup in bowls, they seated themselves on the barstools at the island, across from the only window in the room. The snow was falling again outside, and it made a nice backdrop for dinner. _Maybe a little too nice, and too romantic,_ Dean thought. He was starting to get apprehensive again. Not that he was nervous about the actual act, but the inevitable baggage that was sure to follow taking someone's virginity. Still, he couldn't exactly ignore what the simple act of just looking at Castiel was doing to his body.

They ate in silence for a few minutes. The soup was perfect, and Castiel knew his mom would be proud, which just made him miss her. Dean looked up to see him staring out the window, a faraway look on his face. The sun was beginning to set, and it cast a beautiful glow onto Castiel's features. His heart thumped erratically. "This soup is great, Cas," he said softly. "Thanks for making it. And this is seriously the best damn grilled cheese I've ever had."

Castiel turned his attention from the window to look at the rose in the vase between them, then at Dean. He looked so sincere. He reached over and put his hand over Dean's. "Thank you, Dean. I'm happy you're enjoying it. The way you react to my food makes me want to cook for you more often."

Nobody had ever wanted to cook for Dean, besides Ellen. Everyone he'd been with for any length of time knew he could cook, and was perfectly happy letting him do all the work. He had a feeling of tightness in his chest that he wasn't entirely sure he'd felt before. It was somewhere between feeling like he was about to cry and a feeling of pride. It hurt, but it also felt nice. He wasn't sure what it felt like, exactly, just that it was one more thing on the list of crap that was messing with his head. He turned his hand over under Castiel's, and they finished eating, holding hands.

 


	20. Whole Lotta Love

_You've been learnin', baby, I've been yearnin',_  
_All them good times, baby, baby, I've been yearnin',_  
_Way, way down inside honey, you need it,_  
I _'m gonna give you my love..._  
_I'm gonna give you my love._

_Whole Lotta Love -_ _Led_ _Zeppelin_

~~~~~

Dean had continued to hold Castiel's hand, in an effort to keep Castiel calm, _or is it to keep yourself calm?_ while sitting on the barstools, until well after sunset, sipping on the last of the beer and just talking about random stuff. Nothing too deep, but gaining a little more insight into each other. It was almost eerie, how much they had in common.

Dean wasn't necessarily trying to buy time by talking, but he wanted to give Castiel an out, if he needed it - an excuse that it was late, or he was too tired, or something, if he didn't want to go through with it after all. He wasn't sure what would happen if they didn't go through with it. _Will we still be friends? What if we DO go through with it? Will it be awkward after? Why didn't I think of this before?_

Dean had gone silent for a minute, and Castiel took that as his cue to end the conversation and clean up. He stood and began clearing the dishes when Dean caught his wrist.

"Please, let me. It's the least I can do." He took the dishes from Castiel's hands, put them in the sink, and prepared the dishwater since he didn't see a dishwasher anywhere. _I guess I'm doing this the old fashioned way._ While the sink filled with soapy water, he put the soup in a bowl with a locking lid and slid it into the fridge. He began washing the dishes, whistling softly to himself while he did so.

Castiel just leaned back against the island, and crossed his arms, silently watching Dean work. _I think I could get used to this._ He shook his head. _Better not think that way. One, and done. That's our deal. Even if I want more, I can't have it._ He sighed softly. _It was my idea, after all._

With all of the dishes, utensils and the soup pot washed, Dean let the water out and dried his hands. As if on auto pilot, he turned to close the gap between them, instigating the beginnings of intimacy once again by wrapping his arms around him in a gentle hug. "Thank you for dinner, Cas."

Catiel submitted easily and willingly to the hug, because it felt so good to hold him close.

"Cas?" Dean asked against his cheek. "Are you one hundred percent sure about this?"

Castiel nodded. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life, Dean."

For the second time that day, Dean ignored his head and let his body govern his actions, pulling Castiel into the bedroom, and straight for the bed. He stopped, noticing the radio/CD player on the dresser, and flipped quickly through the artists until he found one he wanted. When the sounds on Led Zeppelin quietly filled the room, he walked back to the bed and held Castiel's face in both hands. He needed to say something to let Castiel's know he wouldn't hurt him, physically. Talking before or during sex wasn't something he was usually comfortable with. He preferred getting down to business with quick, mutual satisfaction, but with Castiel...whatever happened afterwards, he needed him to know that physical pain was not intentional.

"Listen, I want you to know that I don't want to hurt you. You're gonna tell me if I do anything that makes you uncomfortable, ok? You won't hurt my feelings, I promise."

"Ok, Dean." Castiel swallowed nervously. "I... I feel stupid asking..."

"You can ask me anything, Cas."

"Can we, um... do you mind if I just... penetrate you? To start, at least? I'm not sure... I've never done either, and I - "

Dean hushed Castiel by kissing him tenderly. "We'll do anything you want. We'll go slow, and you'll tell me what feels good and what doesn't." He realized he'd never seen anyone more adorable in his life. He'd never known anyone so smart, so eloquent and yet so naive - and it turned him on like crazy.

Castiel nodded and put his hands on Dean's waist, hooking a finger in his waistband. "Thank you. I would like you to kiss me again. Kissing you feels good."

Dean groaned and covered Castiel's mouth with his own. Castiel's lips parted immediately, and they took turns with their tongues, licking and sucking, and tasting each other. Castiel put his hands to work inside Dean's shirt. He explored the smooth, muscled back and abdomen with his fingertips. He could feel the muscles beneath Dean's skin twitch as he ran the backs of his fingers under the waistline of his jeans. Dean groaned again and Castiel stopped kissing him just long enough to pull Dean's shirt up over his head, letting it fall to the floor.

"Tell me what you want, Cas," Dean said, a little breathlessly.

"I want you to take my pants off, Dean."

Dean growled in agreement, since Castiel's shirt had been off all through dinner, driving him just this side of insane, he immediately unzipped his jeans, slid them down his legs and off each foot. Dean was crouched below Castiel, who wasn't wearing any underwear, and was seeing him completely naked for the first time. He was perfection personified. He took note of Castiel's larger than average size. A solid eight inches, with an impressive width, and a gentle curve. He was circumcised, and the head was thick, shiny purple-pink, and already dripping with precum, begging to be licked. There wasn't much pubic hair, but what he had was dark and curly. He stood up and began undoing his own jeans when Castiel stopped him, and took over.

Once Dean's clothes were off, they stood, naked, exploring each other with their eyes. Dean was a little more muscular that Castiel, with well-defined muscles everywhere, but with a tiny bit of pudginess in his stomach and the hint of love handles at his sides. His length was an inch or so shorter than Castiel's, but was equally as wide. There was a more pronounced curve near the head, which was also circumcised.

They were both completely naked and fully erect, and staring at each other, eyes full of lust. Since it was Castiel's idea to even be in the situation, he was the first to move.

"Dean, I'd like to touch you."

"God, yes. Touch me anywhere you want, Cas."

Castiel pushed Dean to the bed until he was sitting, then sank to his knees in front of him, and brought his hands to Dean's thighs, rubbing up from his knees to the inner thighs just under his testicles and back down again, as if memorizing the feel of his skin. Dean was watching intently as Castiel brought his palms back up to his inner thighs, and rubbed them up, on each side of his cock, and over his stomach. Castiel enjoyed seeing the way it twitched whenever he got close to touching it. He leaned forward and flicked his tongue out, and slowly licked the head, tasting the sweet precum. Dean gasped. Castiel looked up at him, smiling, and reached his long tongue out. He began circling it around, then slowly sliding his tongue down the underside of the shaft. He worked his way back up to the head, pausing at the sensitive tip once again, flattening his tongue and applying a bit of pressure, which earned a sharp intake of breath from Dean. After a moment, he slid his tongue back down to the base of his shaft and onto his testicles, taking each into his mouth and working his tongue around them.

"Oh, God, Cas... that feels so good," Dean moaned. He shifted his position, laying lengthwise on the bed giving Castiel better access. He closed his eyes and reached out to stroke Castiel's shoulder and back, feeling the need to touch him, as if he could keep him grounded.

Castiel slid his lips slowly over the engorged head, and then down as far as he could before his gag reflex kicked in and he had to slide his lips back up. Encouraged by Dean's moans, he continued slowly sliding his mouth up and down, flattening and pressing his tongue against the vein as he moved down further, gradually taking more and more into his mouth. When he took Dean's testicles in both hands and began to massage them, Dean gasped loudly, sitting up. "Cas! You have to stop or I won't be able to control myself."

Castiel had been so intent on pleasuring Dean that he'd been in a bit of a trance. He stood and sat next to Dean on the bed. "I'm sorry. I kind of got lost in what I was doing to you."

"Shhh. Lay down." Castiel nodded, and stretched out on the bed, holding a hand out to Dean.

Dean almost lost his nerve. Castiel was so willing to please, yet so vulnerable, and it was seriously messing with Dean's ability to function. His body physically wanted this man like he'd wanted no other, but that annoying little voice in his head was telling him that nothing would be the same. He took in the sight of Castiel, laid out for him like a work of art, and silenced the voice. Dean took Castiel's hand and kissed it, then put it, and his other hand above his head. He straddled his hips, and asked, "Are you ok?"

Castiel nodded, his pupils already dilated, and his breathing shallow. Dean softly ran his hands down Castiel's arms to his chest, leaving little kisses in their wake. He brushed his fingers, then his tongue across Castiel's shoulders and chest, stopping at each nipple, sucking and nibbling them lightly until they were hard points, eliciting a moan from Castiel each time his mouth moved lower. Dean moved down and continued his mouth's explorations below his navel, onto the slight vee of his abdomen.

"Is this ok, Cas?"

"Yes! Please!" Castiel hissed as he arched against Dean's mouth, desperate for more contact. Dean turned his head to kiss the inside of his left thigh, then his right, with his fingers tracing random circles on Castiel's hips.

"I can't..." Castiel gasped. "I need..."

"What do you need, babe? Tell me what you want me to do." Dean whispered against Castiel's inner thigh, kissing lightly.

"I... I need your mouth on me, Dean. Now. Please." He practically begged.

Dean had never been so turned on in his life. He was unbelievably, achingly harder than he'd ever been. Just the thought that another man would give himself so willingly, with no demand for immediate satisfaction without thought of his partner, was unlike anything he'd ever experienced. He knew with certainty that hearing Castiel's moans and soft cries of pleasure as he made love to him with his mouth were just about the sweetest sounds he'd ever hear.

Castiel was thrusting his hips and groaning in sync with the movement of Dean's mouth around him, which signaled to Dean that it was time to stop. He didn't want him to finish just yet. He pulled his mouth away, earning a displeased moan from Castiel.

Dean crawled back up to kiss him tenderly. "You can't finish yet, babe. I have more to show you." Castiel nodded silently. Dean continued, "Are you sure you don't want to, uh, bottom?" Castiel nodded again. "Ok, I'll help you get me ready. I'm gonna walk you through it, ok?

"I've seen gay porn, Dean," Castiel finally spoke. "I can do it."

"Ok, good. Do you have lube? And condoms?"

"Yes to the lube, in the drawer next to you. No to the condoms." He paused. "I trust you, Dean. Do you trust me?"

This time it was Dean's turn to nod silently. He'd never had sex without a condom, simply because being bisexual increased his chances of getting a disease. He knew Castiel was telling the truth about being a virgin, and he'd made sure he was clean every year. Being celibate for the last few had certainly made him safe.

Dean was once again lying on the bed, with Castiel between his knees, and having retrieved the bottle of lubricant from the night stand, handed it to Castiel, who had apparently learned quite a lot from whichever porn he'd watched. He brought one of Dean's legs out and up over his shoulder, and bent the other at the knee, away from his body, giving him easier access. He rubbed his hand over Dean's chest and played with his nipple as he slowly parted his cheeks and began to apply the lube with his other hand. His fingers moved like magic as they gently massaged Dean's opening. When Dean had relaxed to his touch he inserted one finger and spread more lube inside. Dean moaned and Castiel responded by probing his finger a little deeper, moving it around in circles. Dean let out another moan as a second finger joined the first. Castiel gently pushed both fingers to the knuckles, rotating and pumping them slowly in and out, stretching Dean's hole each time by pushing in just a little deeper. When Castiel added a third finger, and touched the sensitive spot inside, Dean groaned loudly, "Oh, God yes, Cas." He lifted his ass off the bed, pushing himself further onto his fingers. Castiel found and lightly brushed Dean's prostate again, earning a wild, animalistic moan from Dean. "I'm ready," he gasped. Castiel withdrew his fingers and Dean sat up, turning Castiel onto his back. He straddled him once again, and spread a generous amount of lube onto Castiel, then slowly sank down onto him, inch by inch, until he had taken his entire length, pleasure overriding the pain. Castiel whimpered. Dean stilled. "Are you alright, Cas? Does it feel ok?" Dean couldn't keep the worry out of his voice.

Castiel nodded. "It feels so wonderful, Dean." His eyes were closed, his hands at his sides, and his lips were slightly parted. Dean's heart felt like it had dropped out of his chest. _I'm so screwed. Big time._ He leaned forward and kissed each of Castiel's eyelids, his nose, and finally captured his lips. "You're so beautiful, Cas," he whispered. Without opening his eyes, Castiel brought his arms around Dean's waist. He kissed him hard, and began to move his hips under Dean. "Hold on. Let me do the work," Dean said, as he straightened back up.

Having had time to adjust to Castiel's size, Dean lifted himself up, slowly, and came back down even slower, savoring the sensations. He could feel Castiel inside him - the texture, the warmth - it was so unlike anything he'd experienced with a condom. Again and again, Dean lifted up and set back down, working himself open even further, until Castiel was moaning without pause, his hands all over Dean's chest, stomach, thighs, and finally finding Dean's cock. Dean groaned loudly when Castiel's warm hands found and wrapped around his hard, swollen member, and a shiver went through his body as he felt the electricity shoot through him. "Yes, Cas. Touch me. Oh, God, that feels good," he encouraged as Castiel slid his hands over Dean's aching length. Dean shifted slightly, leaned back onto his hands, and found what he was looking for. The curve in Castiel's cock caused the head to graze Dean's prostate, and he pumped himself up and down as hard as he could, hitting that pleasure spot inside with every thrust.

Castiel was bucking wildly under Dean and moaning "Yes!" "Dean!" "God!" His movements, his voice, his beautiful body, his hands jerking Dean off, and the constant brush against his prostate were sensory overload, and too much for Dean to handle. He came, hard, muscles spasming and head thrown back, crying out Castiel's name. The muscle spasm around Castiel's cock had him crying out with his own release a split second later.

Castiel sighed softly in protest when Dean slipped himself off and collapsed next to him, still panting hard. Castiel pulled the covers up from the end of the bed and facing him, he wrapped Dean in a strong, warm embrace. Dean could feel wetness on his shoulder, and realized it was tears. He propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at Castiel, who was silently crying, tears sliding down his face and onto Dean's shoulder.

"Oh, Jesus, Cas! Are you ok? Was I too rough?" _Oh,_ _shit_ _, I hurt him!_ He held Castiel's face in his hands and wiped the tears from his cheeks with his thumbs.

Castiel shook his head. "You didn't hurt me, Dean." He sniffled. "That was so unbelievable," he whispered. "I've never felt anything like that before. I'm just a little overwhelmed. I feel... I feel SO good. Thank you."

Dean kissed Castiel's forehead and held him close. Never before in his life had he been so turned on, felt so much, or been so uncomfortable yet somehow oddly safe, as he did with this man. He wasn't sure what was happening, but it scared the shit out of him. He looked at Castiel in wonder, realizing for the first time that the baggage he was so afraid of might actually be his own. _This man... I just made love to this beautiful man... And so help me, I can't wait to do it again..._ _so_ _,_ _uh_ _,_ _that_ _can't_ _happen_ _._

"Cas, I... I've never..." He paused, looking for the right words. "I want you to know I wasn't... I never... with you, I - "

Castiel shushed Dean with a kiss. "Dean. It's ok. You're so amazing, you know that?"

Dean was at a loss for words. Nobody had ever called him amazing. Nobody had ever reacted to him the way Castiel had. Dean wasn't the virgin in this situation, but he was certainly experiencing an entire night full of firsts of his own. _Oh, Jesus, I don't want to leave. One night. It was just for one night_... He felt the walls he'd so carefully constructed crumble down inside him, and his heart ached with emotion. He moved to get up, but Castiel's arms tightened around him, and he nuzzled his lips into Dean's neck.

"Will you stay, please? Just until morning?"

Every fiber of his being screamed at him to get out, run away, never look back. "Of course." Dean brought Castiel as close to his body as he could, arms around him, legs intertwined, and held him until he heard Castiel's breaths become deep and even, indicating he was asleep. Dean sighed and snuggled into the covers, and was asleep within minutes.


	21. I've Been Loving You Too Long

_You were tired and you want to be free_  
_My love is growing stronger, as you become a habit to me_  
_Oh I've been loving you a little too long_  
_I don't want to stop now_

_I've Been Loving You Too Long - Otis Redding_  
  


~~~~~

The next morning, before the sun came up, Dean carefully detached himself from Castiel without waking him, got dressed, and wrote a short note before quietly leaving the apartment. He drove home, took a shower and made some breakfast, and all the while tried to convince himself that he did the right thing. Leaving the note wasn't the greatest thing he could've done, but it was better than saying nothing.

By the time the sun came up, Dean had been silently sitting in his leather lounge chair in his dark living room, pondering, for at least an hour. He knew it was finally time to call Charlie. If anyone could listen while he poured his guts out, it would be her. He checked the time on his phone. 8:30 AM. Perfect. She'll already be awake.

~~~~~

Charlie was just headed out the door for her morning routine with Castiel at the store when her phone rang. Dean's picture came up on the screen and she answered, closing the door and stepping back inside.  "Hey, big brother from another mother. What's shaken' bacon? Also, what the hell are you doing up so early?"

Dean sighed. "Charlie... I need your help."

Charlie sat down hard. "The Great Dean Winchester needs MY help?" She'd never actually heard him ask for help from anyone in her life. "What's wrong? It's Cas, isn't it? What did you to to Cas?" Dean was silent, but she could hear him breathing. Fast. Like he was panicking. He didn't sound ok. "Dean? Are you ok?"

"I don't know. I need your advice, Charlie. I, um, I need to know how to... proceed, I guess, from here. "

"Ok, well, I can't help you if I don't know what happened. Do you need me to come over?"

"That would be awesome." He sighed.

"I'll see you in a bit."  Since Dot was still sleeping and the bus was too slow, she decided to take a cab.

~~~~~

Charlie's cab pulled up to the bar and she paid her fare, then sprinted through the snow to Dean's front door. He pulled it open before she could knock, meaning he'd probably been pacing, waiting for her to get there. She took note of his unclean, disheveled hair, half untucked shirt, mismatched socks, and the two-day old stubble on his jaw. Then she saw the worry on his face, and had to give him a hug.  "Start at the beginning, Dean-o. Don't leave anything out."

He went to his favorite chair and with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands, he proceeded to tell Charlie the entire story, from the night he first saw Castiel to the previous night, leaving out the dirty parts, of course. She already had a ridiculously dirty mind and could probably fill in the blanks. "So did I do the wrong thing, Charlie? I mean, I don't even know what to do now that we've, well, you know."

Charlie sat across from him in stunned silence. It wasn't like her to have nothing to say. Two thoughts were in her mind, doing battle. _Did my brother legitimately fall in love? And what in the literal hell was he thinking?_ On the one hand, she had to give Castiel proper respect for using his virginity to get her brother into bed. On the other hand, Dean should have known better than to take him up on something like that, after all he'd been through.

"A note, Dean?" Charlie finally spoke. "A note? Could you be any more of a coward? Never mind." She waved her hand flippantly. "What were you thinking, saying yes to that situation? On what planet would that be a good thing for either of you?"

Dean sat back in his chair and groaned. He rested his head on the back of the chair, covering his eyes with the crook of his elbow. "I know I messed up, Charlie. I get it, ok?" He sighed and sat up, looking Charlie in the eyes. _Serious chick flick moment in three_ , _two, one..._ "I like him. I don't want to, but I can't help it, dammit! And I know he's too good for me. He's smart and good looking, and he's so damn adorable when he spouts off those stupid facts about random crap, and... he wanted me to be his first, Charlie. ME! The idiot with no education and nothing to offer. I shouldn't have said yes. God, I'm so stupid. He deserves someone who's got their life together, someone who's just as smart to have decent conversations with, and someone who's good at relationships and... I'm just not any of those things! I can't do it! That kind of shit is NOT me. I'd only hurt him."

"Wow, Dean. Ya know, sometimes you can be so stupid. I mean, I love you, but you really don't even get it." She shook her head. "You have feelings for him. Who gives a flip if it might not work out! That's what taking a leap of faith is all about, you idiot. You might fall, but you might fly, too, Dean." Charlie was pacing now. "You'll never know what can or can't be if you don't at least try. Take a chance on something other than your bar! Believe in something good happening to you for once. You deserve all the things anyone else does, but you won't get them if you don't fracking try!" Her phone had rung three times while she admonished Dean, then received a text. Once her rant was over, she saw it was from Castiel; 'I have a big problem. I need your help.' Charlie read the text, and knew she had to talk to him, a plan already forming in her head.

"Dean, I need you to quit being so stupid. Take a fracking chance for once. And for the record? Waking up to a dismissive note? THAT was bad form, even for you." She sighed when she saw the pain in his eyes. "I have to go. I'll get a cab."  She dialed the cab company and waved over her shoulder as she walked out the door to the bus stop to wait.

~~~~~

Charlie stepped inside the store and for once, wasn't assaulted by hair metal. Instead, Castiel was listening to Otis Redding. _Oh, no_ , thought Charlie. _He broke out the classic soul_. "Heya, Cas. I got here as soon as I could. What's up? And what's with the throwback?" She feigned ignorance, so she could hear his side of things.

"Charlie, Only Otis understands how I feel." He sighed and threw his hands in the air. "I think I'm in love with your jackwagon brother, and I need your help. Here." He handed her the note he'd found on the counter when he got up that morning. Charlie read it silently, then reread it. _Jesus, my_ _brother's_ _more_ _of an_ _idiot_ _than_ _I_ _thought_ _._

**

'Cas - Last night was great, but like we agreed, it was a one time deal. Please forget about me, like we talked about. You're off the hook for the pizza thing. It'll be easier this way. Take care of yourself. - Dean'

**

Carlie handed the note back to Castiel and perched herself on the counter, watching as he carefully folded the note and put it back in his wallet. Unlike Dean, Castiel's hair was combed, but a bit wind-blown as per usual, his face was freshly shaven, and his clothes were impeccable. He didn't look heartbroken or like he hadn't slept, unlike Dean, who'd looked like he'd slept in his clothes and hadn't seen a razor in a couple days. Castiel looked calm, almost peaceful. Dean had looked, well, like he was in pain.

"So what, exactly, happened, Cas?"

"I seduced your brother. Rather successfully, I might add, and it was magnificent." Charlie opened her mouth to say something and he held up a finger. "No details. You don't need encouragement." He continued. "The only problem is that he's stubborn. I think he cares for me, and I don't want to let him go without trying. I deserve something - someone - good in my life for once, Charlie. I need him to see that he does, too." He looked at his hands thoughtfully then said, "He bought me a rose. And held my hand. And he agreed to my stupid idea of taking my virginity." He blushed as he continued. "He called me beautiful, Charlie. You tell me he doesn't care for me."

Charlie let out a low whistle. "I think you're, right, Cas. That stuff is way out of his realm of normal. I have some ideas. Leave it to me, and just go with the flow, ok?"


	22. Long Time

_Well I get so lonely when I am without you_  
_But in my mind, deep in my mind,_  
_I can't forget about you_  
_Good times, and faces that remind me_  
_I'm tryin' to forget your name and leave it all behind me_  
_You're comin' back to find me._

_Foreplay/Long Time – Boston_

~~~~~

Charlie conference called Ellen, Kevin, and Sam to give them the basic story (with no dirty details; Castiel made her promise) of what was going on between Dean and Castiel, and to go over her plan on how to get them back together. They only had five days until the pizza contest. Charlie thought that putting Dean in unavoidable situations with Castiel leading up to, coupled with the high pressure situation and close quarters of the small contestant kitchen they day of the contest, would force Dean to work through his issues and realize that Castiel was his soulmate. Or at the very least, that he had feelings for the man. Everyone agreed, and willingly stepped in to help.

~~~~~

Castiel received a text just as he was sitting down to dinner.

Charlie:  I have a plan. Just B ready to roll w/whatever they tell u. Trust me.

Within a few minutes, Castiel was getting a call from an unknown number. He answered, hesitantly.

"Uh, hello?"

"Castiel? This is Bobby Singer, Charlie's father." He said gruffly. "She told me you're in need of a car, and I'm in need of someone to take one off my hands, but there's a catch."

"Uh... yes, sir... ok..."

"The catch is you can have it at no charge, but it needs some minor repairs first. You can do them in my garage, with my help. It's registered, so you'll need to take care of the transfer and insurance. You interested?"

"Very much so, sir. Yes. I don't know how to thank you." _Charlie sure does think outside the box!_

"No thanks necessary. You just have your butt here around seven tomorrow mornin', and we'll get it runnin', ok?"

"Ok. Thank you, sir!"

Castiel hung up, feeling great. He texted Charlie.

Cas: Is a car from your dad part of the plan?

Charlie: Yeppers! Just B there when he said. U will see why

~~~~~

Day One:  Monday, 7:00 A.M.

Castiel paid and tipped the cab driver, and was walking up to the Singer's front steps when he heard a voice to his right.

"My shop's over here, son. C'mere and take a look at the car."

Castiel walked over to where Bobby was standing, and saw a short dirt path leading to a large, three car garage/mechanic's workshop that he hadn't noticed before. He followed Bobby to the garage and saw a giant, faded gold, 1978 Lincoln Continental Mark V inside the garage.

"Wow, sir, that's... a LOT of car."

"It's one of the finest cars ever made, son, and one of the safest you'll ever drive. And cut the 'Sir' crap. Call me Bobby. You want the car or not, boy?"

"Of course I do, Sir... um, Bobby. But you have to let me give you some money..." Castiel tried to hand him some cash from his wallet.

"Nonsense. Don't insult me with yer money. Put that shit away or we're gonna have a problem." Bobby stared down Castiel until the money was back in his wallet. "Good. Now.... you help me rotate the tires, change the fluids and give 'er a proper tune-up, and we're square. Sound like a deal?" Castiel nodded in agreement. No sense in arguing with a fifty-year-old man who can clearly still kick his ass.

Halfway through the tune-up phase, Bobby went inside the house, saying he had to get some sort of tool, and Castiel was left elbows deep in spark plugs and grease. He heard a car coming up the long driveway, but figured it was just one of the hunting camp's customers.  Boston was on the radio, and he had a good rhythm going, removing the spark plugs, so he didn't bother looking up. He just wiped the sweat off his brow, and continued to work, only stopping when he heard footfalls behind him.

"You gotta be kiddin' me," said a deep voice.

He turned to look, and there was Dean in his car-repairing ripped jeans, work boots, stained t-shirt and leather jacket, looking fine as hell. His first instinct was to throw his arms around him and hold him close, breath in the smell of his skin - but he remained calm.

Dean's breath caught in his throat. Castiel turned and stood before him, the poster boy for 1950's macho sex appeal with his tight white t-shirt, blue jeans rolled up at the ankles to keep out of the dirt and snow, sweat glistening on his arms and a smudge of grease on his forehead. _Son. Of. A. Bitch. Why does he have to be so sexy?_ Dean felt his feet taking him towards Castiel, reaching him in just a few steps. Like he was in a dream, he felt his hand go up to wipe the grease from Castiel's forehead. He held his hand there for a split second, then dropped it to his side as if he'd been burned and staggered backwards. He hooked a thumb over his shoulder and stammered, "I've, uh, got.. a.. a thing that, uh, that Bobby...." His eyes were wide, and he turned around and walked away as fast as his feet could carry him, without another word.

Castiel smiled. He'd have to remember to give Charlie a hug for setting this up.

~~~~~

"What the HELL, Bobby? What were you thinking, giving him a car?!" Dean fumed, once he was safely inside the house.

"Don't take that tone with me, boy. Charlie said he needs a car, and I need to get that goddamn eyesore outta my garage. Now, you either go out there and quit actin' like a damn fool, and deal with whatever's got yer panties in a twist, or you can come back another time."

"You know Monday mornings are the only days I have free time. You're killin' me here!"

~~~~~

Dean stomped back outside and pulled his car into the garage in the third bay, leaving an empty bay between himself and Castiel. Dean got out of his car and popped the hood, and glanced over at Castiel, who was determined to ignore him. Charlie said ignoring him would make Dean want what he can't have.

"You stay over there, and I'll stay over here. Capiche?" Dean said loudly.

"Yes, Dean," said Castiel from under the hood of his car. Dean was rooted to the floor. What a sight Castiel made, leaning into the engine, denim hugging his ass, muscles working under the thin material of his shirt, body just begging to be... _Ugh! Stop! This is insane. Just don't look at him!_

A half hour and a million glances in Castiel and Bobby's direction later, Dean heard the Lincoln roar to life. He couldn't hear what they were saying over the sound of the engine, but saw Bobby clap Castiel on the shoulder, then get pulled in for a hug, which obviously surprised Bobby. Castiel was grinning like a fool as he backed out of the garage and drove away. Dean couldn't help but grin, too. _Nobody, not even Bobby, can resist a hug from Cas. They're warm and soft and.... Gah! Fuck me!_ He threw his rag to the ground in frustration.

Bobby watched Dean, who watched Castiel drive away, and immediately dialed Charlie to report in. It went to voicemail so he left a message.

"Hey Pumpkin, it's Dad. Dean did a shit ton of complainin', but phase one is complete."


	23. Burnin' Sky

_The sky is burnin'_  
_I believe my soul's on fire,_  
_You are, I'm learning,_  
_The key to my desire._

_Burn in' Sky - Bad Company_

~~~~~

Later that night, Castiel was almost asleep when he received a text.

Unknown: Hi Castiel. This is Sam, Charlie and Dean's brother. Charlie gave me your number. Hope that's ok.

Castiel saved Sam's number in his contact list.

Cas: That's fine, Sam. What can I do for you?

Sam: Charlie informed me of her plan. I'm in. I was hoping you'd be available tomorrow morning around 8?

Castiel sighed. That morning at Charlie's dad's place had gone so well. He'd actually thought for a moment that Dean was going to kiss him. Why not try going two for two.

Cas: Sure, Sam. What did you have in mind?

Sam: I hope you have a shopping list. We're going to the farmer's market. Dean will be there. I was supposed to ride with him, but I said I'd meet him there. I can pick you up...

Cas: Sure, why not. I'll text my address. I'll be waiting outside in the morning.

Sam: Great! See you then.

Castiel sent Sam his address, then plugged his phone in to charge before setting the alarm. His shift at the store didn't start until noon, so he had some time to kill in the morning. He laid awake thinking about that morning; the look in Dean's eyes when he was standing close to him, and the fact that he kept catching Dean staring at him when he thought he wasn't looking. The soft, gentle touch to his forehead to wipe away the grease...

A surge of desire ran through his body, pooling in his groin. He palmed his erection and bit his lip, remembering the way Dean's hands felt on his body that night in his apartment, and how amazing it felt with his length sunk deep into Dean. His swollen cock begged for relief, and his hand moved quickly to oblige. Within minutes he was softly whispering Dean's name, cumming over his fingers and onto his abdomen. He cleaned himself and drifted off to sleep with visions of green eyes and freckles dancing behind his eyelids.

~~~~~

Day Two: Tuesday, 8:00 A.M.

Dean, sporting a three-day old beard on his face, uncombed hair and untucked flannel shirt, was waiting for Sam inside the building that housed the market. He'd gotten there early and made a bee-line for his favorite booth. Pie On A Stick. Yes, pie on a stick... all the loveliness of an apple pie, battered and deep fried, on a stick. It was pretty much the only reason he ever even set foot in the farmer's market in the first place. He'd just settled into a chair and was already halfway through his pie when he heard Sam behind him.

"Heya, Dean. You'll never guess who I found on my way here."

Dean turned around to see Castiel standing next to Sam with his old, tan trench coat wrapped around himself, hands thrust deep in its pockets. His face was soft and smooth, his eyes were shining bright from the cold and his hair was so perfectly imperfect, with wet snow still clinging to it and starting to melt. Dean groaned. Castiel was just sexy as hell.

So many emotions and thoughts ran through Dean's head, like how bad would it be if he just walked over and kissed him? Or what would happen if he ran his hands through that hair? In any scenario, wouldn't he still be the bad guy, because he doesn't do emotions, doesn't want a relationship, told Castiel not to get attached, and basically walked out on him? But, maybe that's because he, himself was attached from day one, and maybe he shouldn't ignore his feelings, and... _Nope. Not_ _gonna think about it_. He was staring with his eyes wide, mouth trying to form words, when the pie slipped off the stick and landed on his knee, then the floor, with a wet plop.

"Well, shit." Dean looked down at his jeans, more sad that he wouldn't get to eat the rest of his pie than because of the mess.

"Here, let me help." Castiel rushed over, grabbed some napkins, and started to dab at his pants. The moment he came close, with that amazing and intoxicating scent of his clean hair and skin and the touch of his fingers on his leg, Dean's brain turned off. All he could think of was putting his arms around the man and pulling him close...

He regained his composure enough to shakily push Castiel's hands away. "Stop," he said softly. Then louder, when Castiel's hands kept moving, "I can do that myself," Dean said in a voice that betrayed his very physical feelings, and Castiel backed off, but not before nervously offering some stain removal advice.

"Cold water, as soon as possible." Castiel said with a whisper. "Cold water keeps organic stains from setting." Dean stared at him, open mouthed, but Castiel continued rapidly. "And then, of course, you will need to put dish detergent - not laundry soap - on it immediately and let it sit for at least an hour bef - "

"Stop, Cas. It's fine." Dean said with a bit too much force. He loved it when Castiel rambled, but this situation felt different. Like a setup. His eyes narrowed, and he looked directly at Sam. "Sammy? What the hell's going on here?"

Sam feigned innocence. "What do you mean, Dean?"

Dean grabbed Sam by the arm and took him off to the side. "Don't play dumb. Why's he here? At the same time I am? Just like yesterday out at Bobby's?"

Castiel huffed out a laugh, and decided to defend himself. "I can hear you, Dean, and I wasn't aware you had a claim on the farmer's market. Maybe you should do a better job of marking your territory. Or better yet, you could just write me another note, with a map of where I'm allowed to shop." Castiel turned on his heel and walked toward the fruit stand down at the far end of the building, with a smug smile. Yeah, he'd just been a colossal douche, but it felt good. He may not be a social wizard, but you don't end up being friends with Charlie Singer and NOT learn a thing or two about how to be snarky. He felt proud of himself.

Dean's mouth hung slightly open, brows arches, mouth forming a little "O" as he watched Castiel walk away, rather impressed by his level of sarcasm. Sam watched Dean watch Castiel, with a huge grin on his face. Dean was so gone on this guy, it wasn't funny. It was too bad Dean didn't realize that yet.

"C'mon, Dean. Let's do some shopping," Sam said cheerfully as he loped after Castiel. Dean followed reluctantly.

~~~~~

They'd been shopping together for over an hour, taste testing food samples and talking to the vendors, most of whom Dean had a friendship with, since they were also his food vendors for the bar. In that hour Castiel had managed to accidentally bump into Dean, brush against his hands and fingers while reaching for the same items, and get caught staring at him a number of times. Dean was a bundle of nerves because of it. His hands couldn't stop shaking, and he was halfway turned on the entire time. He paused to purchase a couple heads of lettuce and some tomatoes. _It's not fair, having Cas so close, making me freaking FEEL things, and...._ And that's when he saw Castiel talking to a man Dean was not happy to see him with.

Castiel was discussing the importance of bees on the health of an ecosystem with one of the local apiarists, who called himself The Bee Man. His name was Balthazar, and he just happened to be a very good looking older gentleman with tousled blonde hair and a slight French-effected, English accent. They were standing a little too close together for Dean's liking, and it was really grating on his nerves. The man leaned closer to Castiel and touched his arm, smiling at him with obvious attraction. Whatever he'd said, Castiel found very funny, and he threw his head back and laughed, eyes crinkling at the corners, sparkling with laughter, smile wide and genuine. He dipped his head, smile still on his face, and glanced over at Dean, who looked downright angry, hands clenching the handles of the bags he held at his sides. Castiel's smile faltered, which was something that went unnoticed by Dean, since he'd already turned his back and stalked toward the exit.

Dean yanked open the door of his car and threw his purchases across the front seat. He sat down behind the wheel with a huff and slammed the door, jerking his seatbelt across his body. He pounded his hand against the steering wheel. _For christ's sake, get ahold of yourself! It's not like he was fucking him over the table_. Dean shook his head to try and get THAT mental image to go away. Anyone who knew Balthazar, knew that he was a creep, a smooth talker, and a heartless player. He'd hit on Dean too many times to count, and seeing him playing Castiel had driven Dean over the edge. He was mad at Balthazar for flirting, he was angry at Castiel for falling for the guy's charms, and he was royally pissed at himself for caring so much about what Castiel does with who. _It's not your business. Your rules were clear_. He turned on the radio and the chorus to a Bad Company song was on. _You are, I'm learning, the key to my desire. Fuck!_ Dean hit the steering wheel again, started the car, and sped out of the parking lot spraying gravel and snow as he left.

~~~~~

Castiel watched Dean leave the market in an angry hurry, a little confused as to why. He looked back to Balthazar and thanked him for the conversation, grabbed the jar of local wildflower and cinnamon honey he'd bought, and walked over to Sam.

"Huh. I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't just see it with my own eyes." Sam was shaking his head.

"Sam? What are you talking about? What's wrong with Dean?"

"Believe it or not, my brother is jealous of you talking to that guy. Which means he likes you. I've only seen him jealous one other time, but never that angry. You need to keep pursuing this thing you have with Dean..."

Castiel opened his mouth to protest, to tell him he didn't think this was actually working in his favor, but Sam held up an index finger. His lips were a thin line of determination. "Not another word. We're stepping this up." He walked quickly out of the market towards his car with Castiel half running to try and keep up with his long spider legs. Once he'd dropped Castiel off at his apartment, Sam pulled out his phone and texted Charlie.

Sam: Cas got hit on and Dean got jealous.

Charlie: Wowwie!

Sam: Yeah. Whatever's next has to be good. We fly home tonight, and I want a new brother in law by next Christmas. :)

Charlie: Never fear. The queen has got this in the bag!


	24. I Can't Live

_No, I can't forget this evening_  
_Or your face as you were leaving_  
_But I guess that's just the way the story goes_  
_You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows_  
_Yes, it shows_

_I Can't Live - Harry Nilsson_

~~~~~

Day Three: Wednesday, 11:30 A.M. 

Kevin called Dean and was immediately yelled at before he could say anything. He had to pull the speaker away from his ear. 

"What the hell, dude? Where are you?  We're opening, and I have no cook!  I know I used to do this by myself, man, but I hired you for a reason!"

... cough, cough, cough, groan...  "I'm so sick, Dean. I'm sorry" ... cough, cough... "I meant to call you, but I fell back asleep. I think I have a fever."  ...cough, cough....

Dean sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.  _Great._ _Now I have a_ _headache_.  "Look, it's ok.  You're sick, shit happens.  I guess I'll just -"  He cut off his sentence as he saw Castiel and Charlie coming through the back door of the bar's kitchen.  "Uh... yeah, get better soon, Kev."  He ended the call and pointed his phone at Castiel while looking at Charlie. He practically growled, "What the hell is he doing here?" He winced at himself. He didn't mean to sound that harsh, and now he felt like an ass.

Castiel just kept his gaze on his own feet.  The first day, with the car, was great. Dean had stepped outside of his tough guy exterior for a second, and he felt a connection. Yesterday at the farmer's market was weird, but he trusted Sam. He was his brother, after all. Today, though, he just felt the anger rolling off of him.  He turned to Charlie. "I think I'll just go. He doesn't want me here. This was a bad idea."  His voice trembled a little, and he turned to walk out back out the door, but Charlie stopped him, noticing the pained look that flashed briefly across Dean's face.

"No, Cas."  She said softly, then turned to Dean and said, sternly, "I know you're stubborn, but don't be stupid.  Kevin texted me earlier. You need a cook on short notice, and you know damn well that Cas is a mother-fracking fantastic cook. He already knows the menu, and he spent enough time with Kevin to make everything on it. It was my idea, not his.  Let him help you." She crossed her arms and stared daggers at Dean.

Dean looked at Castiel, who resumed looking at his shoes.  Seeing him sad made Dean's chest hurt.  "Fine," he sighed. "Cas, everything you need is out on the counters and easy to spot. Charlie can show you the pantry and freezer-"

"Actually, I can't.  Customers are already lined up. I have to open the doors."  She practically skipped out of the kitchen, tying her apron around her waist.

Dean sighed again.  _If I could get away with throwing myself on the floor, kicking and crying like a toddler, I'd totally do it._

"Alright, Cas. You know where the grill and the pizza oven are, and the sink, those are obvious. That," he said, turning and pointing to a white door on the left side of the room, to the left of the back door, "is the walk-in freezer. It's small, and there's not much you'll need in there. That," he turned slightly and pointed at a grey door on the right side of the back door, to the left of his office, "is the walk-in fridge. Almost everything you need is in there. And that," he pointed to a cabinet on the right side of his office, "is the pantry." He turned again and found Castiel literally right next to him, almost nose to nose, so close he could smell his hair. Like clean cotton on an ocean breeze...  His eyes flicked down at Castiel's lips and briefly thought about how good they'd taste before he remembered where he was, and he took a stumbling step back. He ran a hand through his hair and over his four-day old beard.  "You've GOT to stop doing that to me. I mean it, Cas."

"I apologize, Dean. Go... manage things. I'll be fine back here."

Dean looked at Castiel and willed himself to calm down. His erratic heartbeat, shaking hands and unsteady breathing were going to give him away. His composure was crumbling and he struggled with the words he was trying to say. Not that they were big words... just words he didn't use often. "Thanks, Cas. I... I appreciate you stepping up." _Oh, Jesus. I need a drink_. He turned and hastily went out to the bar, pouring himself a couple shots and downing them like water.

~~~~~

As day turned to night and the dinner crowd all but left, Castiel could admit that he was pretty pleased with himself and the job he'd done that day. He'd kept up well, and had even earned some compliments on his cooking from some of the customers. He'd seen very little of Dean, though, unless he was calling back a food order or Castiel was helping Charlie bus tables.

With the kitchen closed, Castiel ventured out into the bar. He walked through the kitchen's swinging door and let it close carefully, silently behind him. He leaned against the door frame, crossed his arms, and surveyed the small crowd that was left drinking, dancing, talking, playing pool... and all of his strength left him. He looked around at the decorated tree in the corner, the wreath on the door, and the twinkling lights and garland around the bar and windows. _It looks like Christmas, but it feels like loneliness._ Maybe it was the song that was playing, or maybe it was his own guilt eating at him, telling him he was taking advantage of Dean, but he suddenly felt very overwhelmed, and very tired.

Dean watched Castiel as he looked around the room. The way he leaned against the door with his ankles crossed, and his arms folded over his chest, defining those wonderfully muscular forearms, his hair sticking up in that playful and sexy way... It was enough to get his libido jump started again, and his jeans tightened against his will.  He took a couple deep breaths to get his blood flow back under control so he could think. He had to admit that having Castiel cook was a huge help, and he did an amazing job. He hadn't had so many compliments on the food since, well, sine he'd been doing the cooking himself. Kevin was great, but Castiel was... special. His cooking had a little something extra that he couldn't put his finger on. Seeing him so within reach all night, and the previous few days, was torture. _You did this to yourself. Can't screw shit up if you have nothing to screw up to start with, right? Yeah, but, I want..._

Before he could fully register his actions, he found himself in front of the kitchen door. He grabbed Castiel by the arm and pulled him back into the kitchen. He had him up against the sink, one hand in his hair and one on his ass, lips all over his face and neck, before his brain could catch up. Castiel kissed him back, groaned out a sound that was more like pain than pleasure, and gave Dean's chest a small push, effectively separating them.

Castiel didn't want it happening this way. It needed to be an actual decision on Dean's part, not a lustful instinct based on proximity. The push had brought Dean fully back to reality and he took a step further back, reluctantly putting the requested distance between them. He couldn't help that his body was still aroused and humming with electricity. Castiel's face was turned towards the floor, and Dean watched the emotions play across his features, while he stayed silent, and confused. When Castiel looked up at Dean with his hair mussed, lips swollen, eyes blue-grey and shining with unshed tears, Dean held his breath and his chest tightened. _Oh fuck, I just made things worse. How did I manage to do that?_

"I'm so sorry, Dean," Castiel whispered and shook his head. "Thank you for letting me stay and help you, but I... I need to go."

With one last, sad look at Dean, Castiel walked out the door. Dean was floored. _Wait. What the hell just happened?_ He certainly didn't plan on coming on to him like he did, and Castiel was clearly into him, and he kept showing up, making him feel things... but he refused him, which was something he hadn't expected.

Nobody had made him feel so many conflicting emotions, made him want them so bad, and then flat out refused him. Hell, in his experience, men and women both, nobody actually refuse him. It was more like they used him up and took what they wanted before turning him away and dumping him like week-old trash. THAT he was actually used to, because THAT he knew what to do with. What he wasn't used to were the feelings and want – no – NEED he felt with Castiel. He was capable of feeling emotions, though some would disagree, but he just wasn't used to LETTING himself feel them. _Am I in the Twilight Zone? Am I being punked?_ He looked around, uncertain. He was beginning to feel lost, upside down and a little unhinged.

~~~~~

Dean finished out the night, closed the bar, and let himself into his house. He walked to his room with the bottle of whiskey in his hand and didn't bother turning the lights on. His world was starting to unravel, his walls were crumbled down around him, and feelings were getting the better of him. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep this up much longer and stay sane. He couldn't shake the feeling, though, that something was coming, and it was either going to be a huge mistake, or something that would change his life.

~~~~~

Castiel was in bed, wide awake, chastising himself for leaving so abruptly. He should have explained how he was feeling, should have told him why he was leaving, should have said something - anything - but instead, he'd walked out the door and likely out of Dean's life. _What an idiot. I want him, and I could have had him! Now I'm just a fool._ He rolled over and punched his pillow, closed his eyes and tried his best to shut out the self doubt, but sleep eluded him. He finally managed to drift off around 4 a.m., waking only three hours later to his cell playing Dean's ringtone.

 


	25. Love's The Last To Know

_There's a distant sound to the outward bound, on a lonesome windy night_  
_A restless sigh as it fades away, a longing at first light_  
_There's a sad resolve that it's all gone wrong, yet before you turn to go_  
_It comes to you, it's really true. It's your love that's last to know_

_Love's The Last To Know - Bob_ _Seger_

~~~~~

The next morning, Ellen met Dean at his place and she followed him to the location for the pizza competition - one of the agricultural buildings on the county fairgrounds. Dean popped in an old Bob Seger cassette for the drive, and he settled into the leather seat, listening to the words like he'd never heard them before. He'd had some time to think after Castiel had left the previous night. Yes, the bourbon had accompanied the thinking, but now these lyrics finally made sense to him, given everything that had happened. _Bob, you're a god damned genius._

When they arrived at the fairgrounds and pulled up behind the building, Ellen hopped out of her truck and helped Dean unload the supplies and carry them to their workstation. They were team number three. There were five workstations, two people per team equaling ten contestants, and each team had a miniature kitchen setup with a refrigerator, pizza oven, four-burner stove, butcher block island counter, sink, and all of the bowls and utensils needed to make their pizzas. There was an aisle between each work station where the judges could walk around and observe the progress, and a table across the floor a few feet away with three place settings. One for each judge.

While Dean made a quick run back out to the car for the last bag of supplies, Ellen took the opportunity to speak to one of the judges, Missouri Moseley. Missouri was a larger than life black woman with a kind face, a sharp wit, and a bubbling personality. She was also South Dakota's most notable chef with a handful of successful soul food restaurants, two published cook books, and a rumored show coming up on the Food Network. She and Ellen were old high school friends, and they'd stayed in touch through the years, to the point where Missouri had known about Dean's shenanigans with Crowley's crew. Ellen knew she'd be able to convince Missouri to help her pull one last switch on Dean to get him and Castiel together. Ellen spilled the story and the plan while Missouri listened, nodding and smiling. When Dean returned, he walked into the building to see Ellen pull Missouri into a hug, and watched as they both made their way to his kitchen area.

Ellen put on her best sad face as Missouri told Dean the bad news: Castiel was listed on the contest entry form as co-creator of their recipe, not Ellen. If Dean used Ellen to help him in the competition, he'd be disqualified. Each team required two people, and if he didn't get Castiel there to compete on Dean's team, he'd be disqualified. She wasn't exactly lying. Each team did need two people, but the co-creator didn't NEED to be there...as long as one of them was present, it was enough. Dean was so preoccupied with getting his nerves under control, setting up and making sure he didn't forget anything else, that he took her at her word.

"I was unaware, Ms. Moseley, thank you for letting me get this straightened out. I appreciate your help. I'll get him here A.S.A.P." He dialed Castiel's number, hoping and praying that he wasn't too pissed at him, and that he'd actually pick up.

"My pleasure, sweetie. Good luck today." Missouri said over her shoulder as she and Ellen walked out of the building.

"Oh, I think he's gonna need it," Ellen chuckled as she got into her car to leave. "Thanks again, Missouri. I owe ya one." She tapped out a quick text to Charlie to let her know the next to last stage of the plan was going down now.

~~~~~

Castiel looked at the time. 7 A.M. He answered his phone warily. "...um, Dean? Hello?"

"Oh thank fuck, Castiel! I didn't think you'd answer. Don't say anything... just listen, ok? I'm sorry for the other night. I, um, I was a class-A jerk. I wasn't thinking, in fact, I haven't been thinking for a while, and I don't know why, but this odd thing just happens, and I can't freaking figure it out, and... I really am just... I'm shit at apologies, Cas, and I'm not sure how to tell you exactly what I'm trying to say here - "

Castiel sighed and cut Dean off. "Dean, it's fine. Apology accepted. Not to be rude, but what do you want?"

"Oh, Ok. That, um, no. That's good. That's great! Ok. Um, I need your help. I know I shouldn't be asking, but the competition's in a half hour, and if you're not here, I'm disqualified. I, uh... need you, Cas. I sorta can't do this without you."

Silence on the other end of the line.

"Oh, shit, Cas? Are you still there? Can you hear me?" Tense and on edge, Dean took his phone away from his ear to redial Castiel's number, but it was still connected. He brought it back up to his ear. "Cas...?" He asked, confused.

Castiel was stunned. And annoyed. Dean's ringtone had woken him from what precious few hours of sleep he'd managed to secure, and his heart had nearly beat out of his chest as he answered his call. Now here Dean was, on the other end of the call, stammering through a long-winded and rambling apology. Was Dean genuinely sorry, or was he just using him so he wouldn't get disqualified? He wasn't sure, but if Castiel was anything, he was loyal, and kind and generous to a fault. And he knew that no matter what, he'd always help Dean if he asked.

"Cas, I.... I really need you, man. Cas, please."

Castiel's chest tightened. _He really needs me. "_ Ok, Dean. Text me the address and I'll be there as quickly as I can."

~~~~~

Castiel showered and dressed in record time, cramming a cherry pop tart into his mouth in the car on the way. He had only five minutes to spare when made his way to Dean's contest kitchen. He walked into the building and took note of the layout of the small contestant kitchens and the judges table. They'd decorated for Christmas, most likely for the photos they'd take for the paper later, but it was festive with strands of lights and garland and baubles here and there. He didn't see Dean, so he stopped the closest person he could find, who took his name, handed him an apron, and pointed him in the right direction.

Dean had been kneeling behind his counter, unpacking the last of his ingredients. He stood to see Castiel speaking to one of the judges. Castiel was tying the apron around his waist as he turned to face Dean. He looked amazing. Dean nearly dropped the bag he was carrying. He had those jeans on that he wore when he straddled Dean and nearly dry humped the life out of him. The ones that hung low on his hips, but still hugged his ass. And the AC/DC shirt that defined his arms and chest like a second skin. His hair was damp and sticking up, his face was freshly shaved and he smelled like heaven. Dean wanted, right then and there, to wrap his arms around him and breathe him in. _Oh, mother of all that is_ _holy_ _..._

"Cas." Dean set the bag down and ran a shaking hand through his hair, his eyes never leaving Castiel's. "I owe you. Thank you. And I'm...I'm sorry."

Castiel took note of Dean's now full-grown beard, curls making their way out from under his baseball cap, and eyes that looked dull and bruised beneath the skin from lack of sleep. He hadn't noticed before, but Dean looked like he'd given up. His heart ached for him in that moment. Dean was vulnerable, and he knew apologizing and admitting he needed someone didn't come easy to him. Castiel made up his mind to help him the best he could, and maybe try to repair their friendship along the way.

"Thank you, Dean. I know that wasn't easy for you. Now, what do you say we bone those losers and take home the trophy?" He smiled wide, hoping to get Dean in the competitive spirit.

Dean laughed, and nearly lost it at Castiel's ridiculous phrasing...'bone those losers'...but the smile he flashed at Dean was what kicked his motivation into overdrive. _Oh, God, I love that smile._ Dean flashed a smile of his own back at Castiel and they turned to face front as the judges walked in and started laying down the rules.

~~~~~

"... and remember, contestants, we're looking for an even, crisp bake on the bottom and a nice, golden crust with a medium rise on top. Your toppings shouldn't be too dense, or your crust will be soggy. Your crust shouldn't be thick, either. We're looking for thin, flaky, and the perfect toppings to sauce to crust ratio with a unique flavor. And of course it has to taste good!" Missouri ended her rules speech and the contestants laughed. "Now, ya'll have three hours to make, proof and chill your dough, prepare your toppings, and bake your pies. Starting....now!"

Dean and Castiel got to work measuring and mixing. They didn't speak, except to ask each other for measuring cups or ingredients. Their hands bumped a few times, and they stood close enough for Dean to feel the heat coming off Castiel's body and smell the soap he'd used in the shower. Dean was beginning to feel comfortable with Castiel at his side once again. They worked well together, and Dean wanted him to know how he felt. After he slid the dough into the proofing drawer, he turned to Castiel and smiled, an easier smile this time, hands no longer shaking. Dean reached out to cover one of Castiel's hands with his own and was grateful when he didn't pull away.

Dean looked at his feet. "Cas, let's take a breather for a second. I want to... I really can't..." A sigh. "I've been a jerk, and you didn't have to help me." He looked up at Castiel, catching his gaze.

Castiel's breath caught. Dean's eyes were shining with hope, and sincerity. He knew he shouldn't let his guard down, but he couldn't help it. He looked so lost and tired and worn down...but his eyes spoke volumes. "Dean, I'll always help you. Whether I should or not, if you need me, I..."

At that moment, Missouri and the other judges walked up to their counter to ask questions and get their information on the pizza they were making. Missouri knew they'd interrupted a personal moment between the two, and she wanted to take advantage of it, for Ellen's sake. "Dean, good to see you again." She smiled and turned to Castiel. "And Mr. Novak. My, my, don't you two just make the cutest team in this place! It looks like you're working well together. I hope that continues. We'd certainly like to see more of the both of you next year." She winked at Dean and Castiel blushed. They talked about the pizza toppings, and the surprise ingredients in the dough that the judges had to look forward to, without giving anything away, of course.

When the judges moved on to the next contestants, Dean let out a lungful of air in relief. His nerves were getting the best of him. Usually, he handled things like this with confidence and ease, but with Castiel by his side, so close he could hear him breathing, well, it just made it a thousand times more difficult to concentrate on the tasks at hand. He leaned his elbows on the work station and closed his eyes, trying to focus on his breathing when he felt a feathery touch on his cheek. He looked up to see Castiel's hand moving back down to his side. He looked at the man, questioningly.

"Flour. On your cheek. I... I thought..." Castiel struggled with the right words. The truth was that he just wanted to touch him. His hands ached to feel Dean's skin, to comb their way through his hair, to just calm his nerves for him.

Dean smiled, a flutter of butterflies in his stomach and chest. He hadn't expected the touch, but he suddenly wanted more. "Thanks, Cas. I guess I need to look pretty for the photo op later, and I can't do that covered in flour."

"You look great, Dean. You always do. You could use a shave, but you, um...you look...very attractive." _Oh wow. Did I really just say that?_

Castiel quickly turned away to hide his embarrassment and his smile, and busied himself by transferring the dough to the refrigerator from the proofing drawer. Dean turned to begin cooking the sauce, smiling to himself. Missouri glanced over and saw both of them smiling. She snapped a quick photo with her cell and sent it to Ellen, who immediately replied with a text that read, 'Thank you!' Ellen immediately sent the photo to Charlie, who replied with 'OMG! Squee!"

~~~~~

Dean and Castiel worked side by side for the next two hours chopping the brisket, shredding the cheeses, tasting and tweaking the sauce, and assembling the pizza. They talked, joked and laughed through their work while judges watched and cameras flashed. When the pizza was complete and on the judges table, they removed their aprons and stood side by side, lined up in front of the judges, with the rest of the contestants. Each judge methodically moved through each pizza taking note of the underside of the crust, the texture, the ingredients, the overall look of the pizza, and finally the taste.

The judges stood after they were through and Missouri addressed the contestants. "Thank you, teams, for the work you put in sharing your delicious pizzas with us today. We're going to tally the scores and talk amongst ourselves. We'll be back with you in just a moment." The judges turned and walked a few feet away where they chatted animatedly and looked at each other's score sheets. Nervousness gripped Dean so hard he started to sweat and shake a little. He wasn't sure why he was so nervous. It wasn't like he hadn't done this exact thing before. Then it hit him, like a lightbulb coming on over his head. This was something he and Castiel did together. In a way, it was like they, as a couple, were being judged, and he desperately wanted it to work out in their favor. It would only help what he intended to do later.

Castiel noticed the panicked look on dean's face, and saw his hands twisting nervously in his shirt. He reached out and grabbed one of his hands, holding it against his side and rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand in an effort to calm him down. He could see and feel Dean relax a bit, and he smiled at him. Dean's answering smile was beautiful and trusting and made Castiel want to hug him close, but the judges were back. He attempted to let go of Dean's hand now that they were in front of them once again, but Dean held fast, their fingers interlocked. His grip was tight, but he wasn't shaking anymore.

Missouri spoke up once again. "Ok, teams. We've made our decisions. Teams two and five, thank you for your efforts, but you're eliminated. Your pies were delicious, but team two, your crust was too thick for a thin crust competition, and team five, you used too much sauce, making your crust just a bit soggy. The flavors were there, though, and with a little more practice, you'll be serious contenders next year." She turned to the remaining teams, noting Dean and Castiel holding hands and smiled. "Teams one, three and four, your pies were all delicious. Your crusts were perfect, not a single one over or under baked, and your toppings were unique and flavorful. Team one, your buffalo chicken pizza was unique, and very tasty. Not too spicy, but the chicken was a bit over cooked. You're our third place winners, and you take home the $500 prize. That just leaves teams three and four."

She turned to face them each, in turn. Dean's hand grasped Castiel's even tighter, until it almost hurt. Missouri continued. "I'm surprised that you both did a barbecue pizza. It's not something we expected, but they were both superb. Team four, the molasses in your sauce was unexpected, but added a perfect touch to the spicy, smoky flavor. What clinched our decision though, was the crust. They were both perfectly baked, but one stood out." The other judges nodded in agreement. "Team three, your smoked brisket was flavorful and blended well with the cheddar and mozzarella, but the sweetness of the honey combined with the roasted garlic in your crust was perfection. Team four, you're our second place winners earning a check for $1,000.00, which means that Mr. Winchester and Mr. Novak, you're the winners! Congratulations!"

Dean felt the nerves and stress leave his body leaving him weak, and he all but threw himself at Castiel, and grabbed him up in a bear hug. Castiel was beaming, and Dean thought he'd never seen him more happy than he was in that moment. All he wanted was to continue to make him smile.

With Dean's arm around Castiel's shoulders, they both posed for their photo op with their trophy and their check for $5,000.00. Then they posed with the other teams, each holding their own checks and trophies. They took a quick selfie with the trophy and the check, and Dean mass texted it to everyone, sharing the good news. They busied themselves cleaning up their workspace, throwing everything into bags and boxes, both of them in a hurry, but neither knowing quite why.


	26. We've Got Tonight

_I know it's late, I know you're weary_  
_I know your plans don't include me_  
_Still here we are, both of us lonely_

_We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?_  
_Let's make it last, let's find a way_  
_Turn out the light, come take my hand now_  
_We've got tonight, babe. Why don't you stay?_

_We've Got Tonight - Bob Seger_

~~~~~

When everything was packed up, they threw it all into Dean's trunk and sat together in his car with the heater on full blast and the radio on, softly playing an old Bob Seger tape that Dean had forgotten to eject earlier. They watched the judges and other contestants pile into their cars and leave, one by one, until they were the only two people left in the lot. They sat facing each other, staring, neither saying a word. The tension was palpable. Castiel still wasn't sure what he was doing in Dean's car when his own was sitting about ten feet away. Just when Dean thought he'd figured out what he wanted to say, Castiel spoke first.

"Listen... if this is about the money, you should know that I don't care. I don't want it. I'm just happy I was able to help. Thank you, sincerely, for allowing me to help you, Dean. I actually had a lot of fun, but I should be going now. It's after noon, and I'm sure you need to get back to the bar." He turned away and heard Dean let out a grunt of frustration.

"Argh!" He thumped the heel of his hand on the steering wheel. "Dammit, Cas! Charlie and Kevin can handle the damn bar!" Castiel turned quickly back to Dean, giving him his full attention. He was a little scared, if he was being honest. Dean kneaded the tension out of the back of his neck with his left hand, struggling for the right words. "You're too fuckin' nice, you know that? So quick to apologize, to offer help....and I think you already know I'm not the kind of guy who runs around saying I need people. Aside from today, that is. You get that, right? Apologies aren't me. Relationships...those aren't me either, Cas. And I don't know what's going on here, but you've been showing up wherever I am all week, and you're really starting to get under my skin, like a friggin' itch that keeps coming back."

Castiel's eyes widened, and he thought Dean was sounding a bit accusatory. He was already feeling ashamed of what he'd agreed to do, and wanted out of Charlie's plan. Now he was being called out. _Dean compared me to an annoying itch! I'm nothing more than nuisance to him! I knew he just needed me there to win the stupid contest._ Castiel's expression fell with the realization, and on top of being a bit scared, he was sad. Sad, and really, quite angry. He had to bite his lip hard to keep from saying something he'd regret, refusing to let his emotions get the best of him. With his fingers on the door handle, he made the decision to leave, looking back at Dean one last time.

Dean saw Castiel bite his bottom lip, and his eyes flashed a brilliant sky blue, then hardened to a dark blue-gray. In that moment, Dean felt a wave of regret wash over his body for his poor choice of words. Castiel's face was amazingly easy to read, and all of his emotions eventually played across his features, but his eyes were where they settled each and every time, no matter what he was feeling. He wondered if the man knew how much of his soul he was baring to anyone who bothered to look into his eyes. They reflected everything, and Dean wanted to see something other than the sadness and anger he'd been causing him lately... so he cleared his throat, and prepared to speak.

But Castiel turned away again and yanked on the handle, pushing the door open slightly, letting a blast of winter air inside the warm car. Dean knew he'd made Castiel angry, and now he was trying to leave. That's not what he wanted to happen. He reached across Castiel's body and slammed the door shut, punching the lock down. "I'm not letting you out of this car, Cas," Dean said, matter-of-factly. Castiel turned around quickly and opened his mouth to give him a piece of his mind, but the pained look in Dean's eyes made him stop. He shut his mouth a bit too hard, his teeth cracking together.

Dean grabbed one of Castiel's hands in his own and let out a sigh. "Don't leave, Cas, ok? Let me start over? I'm not good with explanations, and I stick my foot in my mouth a LOT when it comes to you."

Castiel huffed out a short, sarcastic laugh at Dean. "Thank you, Captain Obvious."

Dean was actually thankful for Castiel's amusement. He attempted to gather his thoughts, and continued. "What I'm trying to say here, is that you keep showing up, out of the blue, just when... jesus.... just when I think I'm free and clear, and you make me feel things, Cas. I'm not used to this. I've been hurt too many times to find feelings useful anymore, so I shut 'em down before they start, ok? But I DO feel them. Are you following me?"

Castiel shook his head. _Not in the slightest._

Dean started over again. "Ok, um..." He scooted a few inches across the bench seat to be closer to Castiel, bent his right leg at the knee on the leather in front of him, and turned sideways so he could face him fully. "Christ. Ok. I thought we could be a one time thing, I really did. We made a deal... I didn't want YOU to get attached to ME, but now... every time you show up, I'm attracted to you even more. Half the time, I don't even know what I'm saying until I say it. My body moves without my brain telling it to." Dean was on a roll now, words coming from somewhere deep inside, and he just kept going, not even pausing to take a breath, Charlie-Style. "I want you to smile, and I want to hug you, and touch you, and I want to talk to you, and see your eyes crinkle when you laugh, and I wrote that note... I'm really stupid sometimes, but I didn't mean what I said - well, I did at first - but I keep fucking it up, man, and I keep hurting you, and I don't want to do that anymore, you know? Because you don't deserve it, and I sure as hell don't deserve you, Cas... you're amazing, and I'm an asshole, and, god, your eyes are always so blue, and - "

Castiel shut Dean up the only way he knew how. He grabbed his shoulders, and covered his mouth with his own. He'd only meant for it to be a simple kiss, enough for Dean to stop talking, but Dean's hands moved to Castiel's hair and pulled slightly. The feel of Dean's beard against his skin was a new sensation, rough and yet soft at the same time. Castiel groaned, and pulled away and met Dean's eyes with his own. He was already hard, and he glanced down to see that Dean was, too. _This is a good sign, right?_

"Huh." Castiel said, and turned to sink back against the seat, momentarily stunned. Dean touched him on the shoulder, tentatively.

"Are you ok?" Dean was genuinely concerned. Castiel nodded, and Dean continued. "I'm sorry, Cas. I know I've said that to you a lot lately. More in the last month than to anyone in my whole life, I think."

Castiel looked at his hands. "You don't need to apologize. I think I understand now." He sighed, and asked the question that had been on his mind for weeks now. "I'd like to hear you actually say it, though. Simply and honestly." He turned to look at him. "What is it that you want, Dean?" Castiel's voice had dropped to that sexy, deep place that made Dean hard just hearing it.

Dean wiped a hand over his face and slid back over to his side of the seat. He looked out the window to his left, and with a trembling voice he said, "I want more. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore, but I can't ignore this... I want YOU, Cas."

Suddenly, Castiel moved to straddle Dean and kissed him hard and deep. He broke the kiss, licking and nipping at Dean's bottom lip. He could feel Dean trembling beneath him, and he stilled, meeting his eyes again. Understanding passed between them and Castiel moved to sit beside him once more, turned slightly to face him. Dean threw the car in gear and peeled out of the gravel lot. Castiel kept his hand between Dean's legs the entire ride, rubbing his thumb lazily over the bulge in his jeans, kissing softly on his neck and nibbling his ear. It was driving Dean crazy, and he was so turned on he was ready to explode. When he reached his driveway, he could see Ellen's truck and Kevin's car in the bar's parking lot. He pulled his car to the front side of his house and into the garage so they wouldn't be seen from the bar. They exited the doors in record time, came around to meet at the front of the car, and crashed together once more, all lips and hands and grinding against each other on the hood. Dean took Castiel's hand and led him into the house where they began shedding clothes between kisses.

Castiel's coat was the first to go, falling at his feet. He kicked off his shoes and Dean threw his own jacket across the room where it hit a lamp, sending it crashing to the floor, where it broke. "I'll replace it," Dean said, a little out of breath, before capturing Castiel's lips again. Castiel removed his shirt, and Dean groaned and pushed him into the small kitchen, up against a counter, rutting his pelvis into Castiel's hip. Castiel's hand shot out to steady himself, and two coffee cups skidded to the floor, where they broke. He looked at Dean, eyes wide. "I have too many, anyway," Dean said in a low voice as he turned them both around and walked him backwards down the hall. Castiel undid the button and zipper of Dean's jeans and helped him step out of them while Dean peeled his shirt off, leaving everything where they landed on the floor. Dean was down to his underwear and socks.

Castiel was still wearing too many clothes for Dean's liking, so he grabbed the man's waistband and popped the button, and tugged his jeans over his hips and down his legs. Castiel wasn't wearing socks or underwear, which meant he'd gone commando through the competition. A surge of desire tore through Dean and he had to steady himself before his knees gave out. Castiel stood before Dean, completely naked and beautifully hard. Dean raked his gaze over his lean body and let out a growl. He pushed him, a little forcefully, up against the wall and pinned his hands over his head while he and nipped at his neck. He thrust his hips once more against Castiel's hardness. Two framed photos fell to the floor, the glass breaking. "I'll buy new ones," he panted as he lowered his head and licked at a nipple. Castiel gasped, and Dean pushed him into the bedroom, hands on his waist. He removed the rest of his own clothes and their bodies came together again, hot and urgent, hands groping and mouths wet. They sank to the bed, Castiel on his back and Dean on his knees, straddling Castiel's thighs.

"What do you want, Cas?"

Castiel looked up at Dean, his eyes brilliantly blue and shining with lust. He levered himself up on an elbow and reached out to caress Dean's abdomen, watching the muscles ripple under his touch. His lips were slightly parted and his tongue darted out to lick his bottom lip. "I want you, Dean. I...want to know what it's like to feel you move inside me."

Dean let out a small whimper as his chest nearly tore open from the emotion he felt at Castiel's trust in him. He didn't think he'd ever had anyone want him, let alone trust him as fully as Castiel did in that moment, and it was throwing him off balance, mentally and emotionally.

Dean leaned down and captured Castiel's mouth, probing his tongue inside, searching, tasting, owning. He pulled away and Castiel was panting, gasping for breath, arching his back and thrusting his hips, eager for the friction. Dean moved down and curled his fingers around Castiel's cock and flicked his tongue over the head. Castiel moaned and instinctively thrusted his hips. He was rock hard in Dean's hands, and leaking onto his abdomen. Dean licked the drops of precum off Castiel's skin and then swirled his tongue around the head, sucking it gently into his mouth. Castiel bucked again and Dean removed his mouth. He didn't want him to cum yet, so he turned his attention lower, cupping his balls, rolling them in his hand before sucking one, then the other into his mouth. Castiel shuddered and hissed, "Oh, God, Dean! I'm so turned on right now."

"Good. That's just how I want you." He stroked his fingers over Castiel's hole, teasing his entrance. When he heard Castiel's groan, he said gruffly, "Get on your knees, Cas."

Castiel obliged, turning over onto his hands and knees. Dean came up behind him and pressed his cock into the crease of Castiel's ass, rocking his hips gently, craving the sensation of the hot skin on his cock, but wanting to savor the moment of having the man in front of him, so trusting and compliant, and needing him. No man had ever needed him like this, or trusted him so completely. He rubbed his hands over Castiel's ass and hips, up his back to his shoulders, and back down again. He loved the feel of the man's skin under his hands, loved watching the muscles move, so toned and taught. "Cas... I want you to know that I've, um...I've never done this before." Castiel lifted his head and turned to look at Dean over his shoulder, questioningly. Dean went on. "I've never, um... I don't know if they didn't trust me, or if I just didn't want to, subconsciously, but I've never been inside another man."

Castiel rocked back against Dean and said in a low growl, "Good. I want to be your first. I want you to fuck me, Dean."

Dean's breath caught in his throat and emotion gripped him yet again. He didn't trust his own voice, so instead he pushed Castiel's shoulders down gently until he was resting on his arms, ass in the air in front of him. Dean spread Castiel's legs a bit wider and trailed kisses down his back, over a hip, and onto the back of his thighs. He spread Castiel's ass cheeks with his fingers and kissed his hole gently before swirling his tongue around it.

Castiel had never felt anything like what he was feeling in that moment. Dean's mouth was so hot on his skin, the hair of his beard creating a delicate friction that was turning him on and making him harder than he'd ever been before. He wanted Dean so completely, in that moment. Wanted his mouth on his body any way he could get it. He rocked his hips back against Dean's mouth, asking for more.

Dean could hear Castiel's breath grow ragged as he pushed himself against Dean's mouth, so he began to probe Castiel's hole with his tongue. He moved between kissing, licking and thrusting his tongue inside until Castiel was out of breath and shaking. He reached for the lube he kept on the table beside the bed and squirted some on his fingers.

"Cas, are you still ok with this?" Castiel nodded and Dean continued in hushed tones, wanting him to be as relaxed as possible. "Ok, good. I want you so bad, Cas. I want to make you ready for me." He probed the opening with a lubed finger until he felt Castiel relax again, and pushed the tip of his finger inside. Castiel hissed and Dean's finger stilled. "It's ok, babe. I won't hurt you. If you want me to stop, just tell me." Instead, Castiel pushed back, and Dean slid his finger all the way inside, carefully pulling it back and pushing in again a few times. He added a second finger when he felt the tight ring of muscle relax further. He added a second, then a third, as he slowly and painstakingly prepared his lover to take him inside.

Castiel felt the burn of three fingers inside him, but his lust overrode the sting of pain, and when Dean curled his fingers down as he moved them, Castiel bit back a scream of pure, intense pleasure, shuddering at the feeling in his groin. The sensation was nearly overwhelming and as sweat broke out on his skin, he pushed back hard against Deans fingers. "Dean, please," He barely whispered, looking back over his shoulder.

Dean looked up, stopping his fingers. Castiel eyes were half lidded and he was biting his lip. Dean's cock grew even harder, if that was possible, at the look of Castiel so utterly turned on. "God, Cas, I wanna be inside you so bad. Are you ready for me?" Castiel nodded. "Say it for me, babe. Tell me what you want," Dean said, as he added more lube to his fingers and began to stroke himself.

"I want ....I NEED you to fuck me, Dean," Castiel ground out, his voice incredibly deep and filled with need.

Dean placed himself at Castiel's opening and pushed firmly. When the muscles relaxed, the head of his cock slipped inside, and his breath caught in his throat at the warm tightness around him. He regained his composure and pushed himself further as Castiel pushed back against him, and suddenly he was buried to the hilt. He leaned down and kissed Castiel's neck and shoulder, and whispered, "You feel so amazing, babe. You're so tight. Don't move...give yourself a second to adjust..."

"More....Dean, please!" Castiel begged, and bucked against him, and Dean couldn't help himself. He began to thrust slowly, hands rubbing up and down Castiel's back and hips, but Castiel was impatient, and he pushed himself up and grabbed the headboard. He began meeting Dean's thrusts, pushing back hard against him. Dean, loving this impatient and forceful side of Castiel, grabbed the man's shoulders for more leverage, and picked up his pace, thrusting harder, faster and deeper.

Castiel's cock was so hard it was almost painful, and just when he was about to reach down with one hand and stroke himself, Dean grazed over his prostate, once, twice, again, hitting the ultra sensitive spot over and over with each thrust. Castiel gripped the headboard even tighter and let out a long, low moan as his body trembled and pleasure exploded inside him. He saw stars, cumming hard onto the sheets without ever touching himself.

Dean felt Castiel tighten around him as he came, and it was just enough to tip him over the edge. He lost all control and his orgasm ripped through him as he cried out, spilling himself into Castiel, hips stuttering as he completely emptied himself until he felt weak. He slowed to a stop and leaned over Castiel's back, still shaking from the aftershock. Castiel turned his head and caught Dean's lips. His arms gave out and he sank to the bed as Dean slowly pulled out and settled beside him, turning him so they were facing each other. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel and kissed his shoulder, then buried his face in his neck, nuzzling the skin there. He loved the feel of the man's skin.

Just then, Dean realized he'd thought the word 'love' to himself more than a few times that day. He squeezed his eyes shut. _Is it possible? No... I can't be in love. I don't DO love. I'm just... Warm. Trusted. Content. Happy...oh, shit!_ "Cas?" Dean asked, his voice muffled by Castiel's shoulder. He looked up. His cheeks were pink from exertion, and his eyes were shining emerald green. "That was amazing. You were amazing...thank you for trusting me. I think, I mean, I want you to know that I, um -"

Castiel shut Dean up once again with a long, slow kiss, and pulled him closer. "Dean," he said after a moment. "Stop. You're the one who's amazing. You made me feel incredible."

Castiel didn't give Dean a chance to say what he'd been slowly realizing since they'd met. Dean was ok with that. For now. He wasn't sure a confession of love right after mind blowing sex was the way to go. He'd sleep on it, and if he still felt the same later, then, maybe...

Neither of them wanted to move to clean up, so they both stayed wrapped in each other's arms, sated and relaxed, and eventually fell asleep. Dean awoke a couple of hours later by the incessant ringing of his cell phone.

 


	27. Your Song

_And you can tell everybody this is your song_  
_It may be quite simple but now that it's done_  
_I hope you don't mind_  
_I hope you don't mind_  
_That I put down in words_  
_How wonderful life is while you're in the world_

_Your Song - Elton John_

~~~~~

  

Dean yawned, rubbed his eyes, and carefully unwound Castiel's arms and legs from his body, intent on finding the source of the loudly grating irritation that woke him. He couldn't remember where he'd dropped his phone during the day's earlier activities, so he tiptoed, naked, back down the hallway, shivering slightly from the too cold air on his skin. He listened to his phone play its generic, classical ringtone loudly, and then go to voicemail several times, until he finally located it. The only person who called him like that was Charlie. _Oh. Shit! I forgot to text her! She's gonna be so pissed._

Dean dug the phone out of one of the pockets, noting Charlie's name on the screen, and when his phone stopped, Castiel's pants started chiming instead. He grabbed Castiel's phone, silenced them both, and brought them back to the bedroom, gathering their clothes in his arms along the way. Dean sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to wake the gorgeous man who was somehow still deeply sleeping. He looked over at Castiel, and felt a tug at his heart and a flutter in his stomach. The man really was beautiful, with his outrageously long and dark lashes falling softly on his cheeks, and his full, luscious lips slightly parted while he slept.

In a perfect world, he'd lean over and kiss him gently, crawl back under the covers, and snuggle with him. It wasn't a perfect world, though, because they didn't have that kind of relationship. Or any actual relationship. Yet. Besides, he had Charlie and Ellen to apologize to... in a few minutes, though. They could wait a bit longer. He didn't want to wake Castiel, so he set both now-silent phones on the night stand. He stood and pulled on his boxers and jeans as quietly as he could, and put his phone in his back pocket. He walked out to the living room and busied himself by starting a fire in the fireplace, hoping to warm up his house just enough to take the chill off. He hadn't realized how cold it was, since he'd been under the covers, wrapped up in a man who was basically a gorgeous heater with skin.

After he'd built the fire, started a pot of coffee, and cleaned up everything they'd managed to break earlier, he took a moment to collect himself. He stood and stared out the window, and found a new appreciation for the sight of the late afternoon sun shining through the trees and onto the snow that blanketed the ground. Despite having to apologize to Charlie, he felt strangely at ease. _Ugh. Really? I feel like a friggin idiot writing poetry._ He sighed and rubbed his eyes. He figured it was time to face the music, so he sat down and called Charlie's cell, growing a bit nervous as he waited for her to answer, for good reason. She answered the call with an immediate tirade. He just listened. It was really the only thing TO do, when he'd made her mad.

"First of all, what the literal hell, Winchester? You don't call, you don't write, and you sure as hell don't show up to work, at the bar YOU own, and Mom and I have to cover your ass! And that's not all, Dean! Don't even get me started on whatever the hell it was you did to Cas, because now he's in the wind! He's not at work and not answering his phone, and I swear to god, big brother, if you hurt him again after all he's done for you, I will hunt you down and break your stupid, beautiful face!" She stopped and took a breath, and he could hear dishes being slammed around. He assumed she'd gone back into the kitchen to chew his ass out. "Well? Aren't you gonna say anything? Explain yourself!"

Dean had gotten up and started pacing his small living room while she berated him. He didn't quite know how to confide this latest development to her. He was sure she'd be mad at him, even though there was really nothing to be mad over. _Right? Well, I hope...here goes nothin'._

"Ok, Charlie, listen." He went silent again, not sure how to continue. Charlie was still slamming things around.

"Um, helloooo! Earth to my idiot brother! I'm not hanging on your every word for my health, ya know. Spill it or feel my wrath, Freckles!"

"Ok, first, you promised you'd never call me that again. Second, stop slamming my dishes around, Red. You're gonna break something." Charlie sighed in his ear, but it was quieter on her end, and he continued, "Ok, so as you know, and I'm sure Ellen told you already, the competition was this morning. Ellen was there, but they made me get Cas there to compete with me. Something about official rules or some crap, and anyway, she left and he stayed. We spent the morning together at the fairgrounds and, I... we... won. Cas and I, that is. We won, and then we talked, and then we, um, we kissed. So..." He stopped talking when he heard movement behind him.

Castiel, having been awakened by the wonderful smell of brewing coffee, had pulled on his jeans and wandered out to find Dean when he'd heard him talking in hushed tones. He didn't want to eavesdrop, but he also really needed coffee. He gave a tiny cough to announce his presence, and went to the kitchen to pour himself a cup, then walked over to Dean.

"And?" Charlie practically yelled. Dean could almost hear Charlie tapping her foot in annoyance. He was about to continue when he felt the deliciously smooth heat of Castiel's bare chest against his back, a hand around his waist, and the nuzzle of a hot mouth on his neck.

"Mmmmm...." _Crap! I hope she didn't hear that!_ He cleared his throat, but couldn't stifle the next groan that Cas' fingers on his stomach brought to his lips.

"Dean-o... What's going on?" Charlie asked, suspiciously. "Is someone there with you? Wait...is... Oh em gee... Is Cas there with you? Please tell me Cas is there with you!" She practically squealed.

"Yeah, Charlie," Dean said gruffly. "And now I have to go, um, take care of... things."

"That, in no way, excuses you from not calling or texting me, big brother! Oh! Wait 'til mom hears ab- "

He didn't wait for her to finish. He ended the call and threw the phone onto the couch before he turned to put his arms around Castiel's neck and pull him in for a very nice, long kiss. He broke the kiss before things got out of control, so he could still think somewhat clearly. He kissed him again, quickly, and stepped away, into the kitchen. He needed to busy himself with a task. Like cooking. _Cooking is safe._

"You want something to eat?" He asked Cas from the small, open kitchen, as he rummaged through his fridge.

"Actually, bacon and eggs would be awesome right now."

"Cas, you're a genius!" Dean said, with a huge grin, pulling the foods out and busying himself with making food.

As Dean fried the items on the stove, Castiel watched him from the dining room table, smiling as Dean sang softly to himself. Dean had woken up with an Elton John song that he couldn't get out of his head. _This one's more stubborn than usual. What's up with that?_ Usually, singing the song that played over and over in his mind helped unstick it, until it was time for another to get stuck.

Castiel just watched amused, in awe, and a little wistful. _He's got a beautiful voice. One more great thing about this amazing man. He's so out of my league, but I need him in my life._

Dean plated the food and sat across from Castiel, eating in silence. When they were finished, Castiel leaned back in his chair and patted his stomach. "Best. Breakfast. Ever. Thank you, Dean. That really hit the spot."

Dean chuckled. "You know, it's like 3 P.M. Breakfast and lunch have both been over for a while. We kind of, um, missed most of the day..."

Castiel sat forward and grabbed one of Dean's hands. "Dean. This was the best day I've had in, well, forever. Thank you for letting me work with you, and for, um..." He blushed and smiled. "Yeah. That. And for making me food. Thank you for just, everything, Dean."

Dean didn't say anything, just held Castiel's hands in his. Abruptly, he stood and led him to the couch in front of the fire, so that they could sit comfortably. _Brain, please don't make a chump outta me this time._

"Dean? What's wrong?" Castiel asked, eyes narrowed, searching Dean's face and chewing his bottom lip with worry.

"I just need to take a minute, here, and think before I speak." A few times, he looked as if he was about to say something, then changed his mind. He shook his head. Finally, when he thought he'd formed the perfect words in his mind, he spoke. And totally and completely screwed it up, anyway. "Cas, I need to tell you that today was fantastic, but, um, the thing is..."

Castiel's heart fell. He didn't want to keep getting his hopes up just to be let down, so he interrupted. "Dean, look. You don't need to say anything, ok? I know you said you're not in this for a relationship." He looked at his feet, his toes digging into the fluffy area rug. "I get that, and I'll comply, ok? I really do appreciate what you said earlier, you know? But I'm not going to push you, Dean. I just want to be with you, and I..." His voice broke, but he cleared his throat and continued. "I'll do anything you want me to. I really like you, and I'm..." He raised his head, met Dean's eyes and lifted his chin. "I'm willing to wait for you to figure things out. I'll even be friends with benefits, against my better judgment, but I'm not willing to stay away from you anymore."

Dean felt his throat tighten. _Damn him and his beautiful eyes, and his forgiving and kindness crap!_

"No, Cas. That's not what I meant. You have to stop interrupting me. And I seriously need to learn to say what I mean." He rubbed his forehead with his fingertips. "I was gonna ask if you wanna come to Christmas Eve dinner with me tomorrow. It's at Bobby and Ellen's, of course, and I know they'd love to have you. Hell, they like you more than they like me right now. Besides, I want my um - my boyfriend? God I hate that word - to spend the Christmas Eve with me and my family." He ducked his head and felt his cheeks erupt with heat. _Ugh! That was so cheesy! Just shoot me now._

Castiel's brain stopped working, and he couldn't think for a minute. His head was spinning. _Wait. Did he say 'boyfriend?'_ Suddenly, he moved off of the couch and came to rest on his knees on the floor, between Dean's legs. He lifted Dean's chin with one hand, and with the other, he grabbed Dean's hand, and kissed the knuckles. "This is going to sound Hallmark Channel sappy, but I would love nothing more than to spend Christmas with you and your family, as your boyfriend, Dean."

Dean let out a huge sigh of relief. "Oh, thank Christ!" He leaned forward and kissed Castiel long and hard. While kissing him, Castiel put his palms on Dean's thighs and moved them up towards the waistband of his jeans, thumbs rubbing the hardening cock beneath the denim. He deepened the kiss, tasting the remnants of coffee and bacon and buttered toast on Dean's lips. It was the best tasting kiss he'd had in his entire life. It tasted like breakfast and warmth and peace...and acceptance.

Castiel pulled back and focused his attention on Dean's lap. He opened Dean's button and zipper, cupped the growing erection, and rubbed his palm up and down the length over the fabric of his boxers. Castiel then gripped the waistband of both garments and pulled them down, as Dean lifted his hips a bit, and pulled them off. Still on his knees, Castiel dipped his head and used his mouth to work magic. Dean's cock now stood at full attention, with that beautiful curve and shiny head begging to be sucked. Dean groaned, grabbed Castiel's head in his hands, and gently pushed him down until several inches of his hot cock were in Castiel's eager mouth.

"Cas!" Dean gasped. "Take off your jeans. Please. I want you naked, with me."

Castiel obliged. He stood up and swiftly removed his jeans, then went back down to his knees, intent on taking Dean in his mouth once again. Instead, Dean held him by his shoulders, and also sank to his knees on the fluffy rug, stretching out in front of the fire, pulling Castiel down with him.

Castiel stretched out next to Dean, skin on skin, and kissed him deeply. With one hand wrapped around the base of Dean's erection, thumb teasing the pre-cum slicked slit, Castiel kissed his way down Dean's body and once again closed his mouth around him as he worked his long tongue smoothly around his length.

"Oh, God, that's amazing, Cas," Dean purred, as he began to rock his hips and thrust into Castiel's mouth with a slow, lazy rhythm.

Castiel was hypnotized by Dean's movements, his moans, and his beautiful face reflecting his pleasure as he arched his back and continued to thrust slowly and languidly against Castiel's mouth. Castiel adjusted his weight and brought his hand down to tease Dean's balls, then pulled his mouth away to lick and suck first one one, then the other into his warm, wet mouth. Dean gasped, and Castiel could feel Dean's sack tighten. He glanced up to see Dean's cock twitch and throb in response.

Castiel sat between Dean's knees and gripped his hips, pulling him up slightly against his thighs as he buried Dean's cock deep in his throat, sliding up and down, tongue flicking the slit each time his mouth moved back up.

"Yeah, like that, Cas. Don't stop. Just...like...that," Dean panted, his hands fisted in the rug at his sides.

Castiel picked up his rhythm and deep-throated Dean until he felt his hips stutter and his cock stiffen at the back of his throat. He felt it throb and pulse, and finally erupt down his throat. Dean moaned a string of unintelligible words as Castiel swallowed, and kept sucking lightly as Dean continued to spasm and unload. When Dean stilled, Castiel removed his mouth and moved up to kiss him deeply, lovingly, hoping that Dean had felt, and could still feel through his actions, all of the emotion that he was trying to convey.

Dean's eyes were still closed, his lips slightly parted, and his breathing was returning to normal. Castiel got up to grab the blanket that was slung on the back of the couch, and laid down next to Dean. He curled himself into Dean's side, covering them both. He put his head on his chest, hand splayed across his abdomen, his own erection forgotten for the time being, and kissed Dean's skin gently.

Dean reached an arm over his body, searching for Castiel's own hardness, but Castiel stopped his hand. Dean, eyes still closed, whimpered his disappointment. Castiel kissed his chest again. "Shhhh. Dean, it's ok. I just wanted to make you feel good. Just close your eyes and sleep."

Dean, completely satisfied and warmed not only by the fire but also by the body of the beautiful man next to him, was incredibly relaxed and without stress for the first time in what felt like forever. He couldn't open his eyes. He wanted to return the favor to Castiel, but he knew...he FELT...the love and tenderness that was in Castiel's mouth and hands, and knew that was his way of saying 'thank you' to Dean, for finally getting his shit together.

Dean brought his arms around Castiel and held him close. He had one last, clear thought as he drifted off to sleep _. Crap. I think I love him._


	28. This Christmas

_Hang all the mistletoe_  
_I'm gonna get to know you better_  
_This Christmas_  
_And as we trim the tree_  
_H_ _ow much fun it's gonna be together_  
_This Christmas_

_This Christmas - Donny Hathaway_

~~~~~

  

The next morning, Christmas Eve day, it was snowing and below zero outside. Dean and Castiel had slept on the living room floor all night, neither waking until just before dawn the next morning. Dean was the first to wake, shivering from the cold. He stood, threw on on his jeans quickly, and stretched his stiff back and muscles. He started a new pot of coffee, but decided against a fire since he wouldn't be home to watch it. He hated using the central heat and air unit, preferring the fireplace in the winter or the open windows and breeze in the summer, but he turned the thermostat to a reasonable 70 degrees. No sense in letting the house freeze. He rubbed his eyes and looked over at Castiel, still asleep, in front of the now-cold fireplace. _I guess we both needed the sleep. What a stressful couple of weeks._ He walked over and knelt next to Castiel, and gently shook him awake.

"Good morning, sleepy head," he said with a smile, and a hand caressing Castiel's cheek.

Castiel smiled back and stretched. "Good morning, Dean." Then, looking out the window and noticing it was still dark outside, turned a quizzical look back to Dean. "What time is it?" He sat up and reached for his jeans, pulling them on and getting to his feet.

"Relax, babe. It's really early. I need to get over to the bar and use the ovens for the ham and turkey. Ellen put me in charge of the meat," he said proudly, with a wide grin, hands on his hips like some kind of carnivorous super hero. He looked over at Castiel with a hopeful expression. "You can come with me, if you want. There's more than enough room for you to make some pies...."

Castiel chuckled and shook his head. "You really do love pie, don't you?" Dean nodded emphatically. "Ok, yes, I can do that. I'll need to run by the store first for some supplies... Oh crapstick!" His eyes were wide as he remembered something. "My car is still at the fairgrounds. Can you take me to get it, Dean?"

"I can definitely do that, Cas. Let's just get some caffeine in us first, though, ok?" He quickly kissed Castiel on the lips, and went to pour them each a cup of coffee. He turned around, a cup in each hand, and was startled to find Castiel nearly nose to nose with him. "Jesus, Cas, I'm gonna need to buy you a bell."

Without a word, Castiel took both cups and set them on the counter, then wrapped his arms around Dean's waist and laid his cheek on his chest. Dean's arms instinctively went around Castiel's shoulders, and pulled him close. They stood like that, content in the warm embrace, for a few seconds before Castiel looked up, eyes shining with adoration, and Dean captured his mouth in a tender kiss. _I'll never get used to those beautiful blue eyes looking at me like that_ , Dean thought as he kissed his new boyfriend.

After they'd each finished two cups of coffee and polished off a few slices of toast, they decided to get cleaned up. Dean took Castiel to his room and showed him where his clothes and toiletries were kept, and handed him a fresh towel. "Wear whatever fits, and use whatever you need. When you're done, I'll hop in, and then I'll get cookin'. And I'll take you to get your car after that. Sound like a plan?"

Castiel nodded, thanked Dean, and disappeared into the bathroom. He emerged freshly shaved and showered, with a towel slung low on his deliciously sculpted hips about twenty minutes later. Dean just about salivated, making a mental note to lick those beautiful hip bones later.

After Dean had shaved, finally getting rid of the beard, and cleaned himself up, he got dressed and wandered out to the living room to find Castiel sitting at the table wearing his Dio Holy Diver t-shirt and a pair of his faded, black jeans. "My clothes look good on you, Cas. You want me to throw yours in the wash? Won't take long."

"No, Dean, but thank you. I think I'll have you take me back to my apartment after we get my car. I have a few gifts for your family that I'd like to pick up." His cheeks bloomed with a blush, which Dean had begun to find irresistible.

Dean leaned down and kissed each rosy cheek. "You're too good to us, Cas, you know that? I don't think any of us deserves you. Least of all, me." He walked over to the coat hook by the door and stepped into his boots and pulled his leather jacket on. "I'm gonna get the ball rolling over at the bar, and then I'll be back for you. I won't be long, I promise."

Castiel nodded. "I'll be waiting for you, Dean," he said in his signature throaty, bass rumble. Dean had visions of grabbing Castiel and doing naughty things to his body on the table, but he shook his head and cleared his throat. "I'll, uh, definitely be back soon."

Dean hurried out the door, and Castiel smiled to himself while he cleaned up the kitchen. He was about to sit down when the thought occurred to him that he hadn't once used his phone in over twelve hours. He went to Dean's bedroom, where he found the phone on the nightstand. He noted ten calls from Charlie. _Wow. Overkill._ He also noted five texts from her, and three from Kevin, all checking up and making sure he was alright. He quickly texted Charlie a thumbs up and a winky face emoji, and sent Kevin an 'I'm ok, thanks for checking' text. He made his way back out to the living room and turned on the TV in the corner by the fireplace, and settled in to watch a space documentary on Netflix.

~~~~~

It had snowed enough to cover Dean's nicely shoveled path through the trees leading to the bar, but the snow wasn't so deep that he couldn't walk. He made it to the back door without difficulty, and let himself in, flipping on the overhead lights in the kitchen. He shook the now melted snow out of his hair and stomped his boots to clear them, and threw his jacket on the counter. He got to work preparing the ham for the slow cooker and the turkey for the oven. The turkey had been brining for a couple days in the walk-in fridge, and now it was ready for a nice layer of butter, and some herbs and spices under the skin. The ham would be roasting slowly in a mixture of cayenne peppers, spices and pineapple. Both recipes were family favorites, which is why they were left to Dean every year. He covered the turkey with foil and pushed it into the oven, then turned the slow cooker on and covered it. When he was satisfied that everything was in its place and the kitchen wouldn't burn down, he turned off the lights, slid his jacket on, and locked the door behind him. He made his way back to the house, eager to be near Castiel again.

~~~~~

Dean opened the door to find Castiel engrossed in a Neil deGrasse Tyson space program. He looked up at Dean and smiled wide, and the smile lit up the room. Dean's breath caught in his throat. Nobody had ever smiled at him like that, and his heart sped up to double time. He took Castiel's hands, hauled him off the couch, and molested his mouth until they were both panting.

"Wow, Dean, what was that for?" Castiel asked, breathlessly.

Dean shrugged and grinned. "You smiled at me. And I missed you."

Castiel looked amused. "You were only gone for thirty minutes, Dean." He turned the TV off and put his coat on, having already put his boots on earlier.

"Yeah, well, it was a really long half hour. You ready to roll?"

~~~~~

As they were driving, Dean noted Castiel's faraway look as he stared out the window, watching the sun come up. He'd give his right foot to know what he was thinking, and he wanted to ask him, but that went against every guy code instinct he had. He'd let Castiel be pensive, and if he wanted to share at some point, Dean would listen. He itched to turn on the radio, but left it off, since Castiel seemed to be needing the silence.

The drive to the fairgrounds wasn't long, but it gave Castiel time to think while he watched the sun rise, making the snow shine like billions of sparkling diamonds. He loved sunrises. He'd watched them with his mom as a child. It was her version of bible study. She'd quote scripture and interpret it, talking about how it fit their roles in life. He didn't believe in God anymore, and as a teenager he'd all but dreaded her teachings, but he still missed those mornings with his mom.

Castiel spoke quietly, still facing the window. "They who dwell in the ends of the earth stand in awe of Your signs; You make the dawn and the sunset shout for joy. Psalm 65:8." He was quiet again for a moment, and Dean didn't say anything. Castiel continued. "My mom used to say, 'A sunrise is God's way of saying, 'I'm giving you a chance to start over.' " He turned to Dean, who looked back at him with a soft expression. "I was just thinking of my mom, and her love of sunrises. She would teach me the bible as we watched the sky change color. I really miss her." He unhooked his seatbelt and scooted over to sit by Dean, resting his head on his shoulder. "I miss her, but this sunrise... it makes me happy, Dean. I woke up to your face, and I get to spend the day with you and your family. If I believed in God, I'd be inclined to think that this particular sunrise is His blessing of our relationship, and His encouragement to see where it will lead."

Dean hummed in response, then said after a few moments, " 'A sunrise is a beautiful reminder that we're lucky to be alive, and a promise of new opportunities.' Mary Winchester. My mom loved sunrises, too. Sometimes, she'd come into my room and, careful not to wake Sammy, we'd sneak outside and watch the sunrise from the front porch. I don't watch enough sunrises these days, but I'm thankful as hell for this one."

Castiel held Dean's free hand and placed a soft, sweet kiss on Dean's cheek. They drove the rest of the way in comfortable silence, watching the colors change in the sky.

~~~~~

After they'd picked up Castiel's car, Dean insisted on following him back to his apartment. For safety reasons. "I don't trust that pimp mobile, Cas." Castiel allowed it, secretly happy that Dean was showing how much he cared. Dean drove away after Castiel assured him he'd come straight to the bar after the store, and Castiel busied himself wrapping the small gifts for Dean's family members as well as the larger, more personal ones for Charlie, Kevin and Dean. He dabbed on some cologne, brushed his teeth, and turned to leave. Lingering at the door, he thought about taking the toothbrush with him, but decided on buying a new one to keep at Dean's place. He was being extremely presumptuous, but things had been going so well, he'd figured he'd risk it.

~~~~~

Back at the bar with all of the ingredients for a few pies, Castiel began baking, with Dean's help. They joked, laughed, talked, and worked closely together. They had a hard time keeping their hands off each other, but they had work to do, so they behaved. Mostly. Castiel couldn't think of a more perfect way to spend the day if he'd tried. With three pies in the oven, and with Dean busy in his office for a few minutes, he set about rolling out the scraps of pie crust dough, lightly buttering it and sprinkling sugar and cinnamon on it. He wanted to surprise Dean with a treat. The crust scraps didn't take long to bake, just a few minutes until they were tender-crisp, and he took a couple to Dean's office, where he found the man scowling at a ledger.

"Dean." Said Castiel, hiding the treats behind his back. "I have a surprise for you."

Dean looked up. "What, here?" He gave a lopsided grin and reached for his belt. "I mean, I've never done THAT in here before, but hell, I'm up for it if you are."

Castiel blushed. "No, Dean. Close your eyes."

Somewhat disappointed, Dean leaned back in his chair and laced his fingers together, looking amused, but he complied. Castiel came around the desk and held a piece of crust out under his nose. "Smell," he ordered, and Dean inhaled deeply.

"Mmmmm, smells delicious."

"Keep your eyes closed...and open your mouth, Dean."

Dean arched an eyebrow, but opened his mouth. Castiel ordered him to take a bite, and when Dean bit down and chewed, he moaned. "Oh, God, Cas. What is that? It's like cinnamon-butter heaven."

Castiel grinned and told him to open his eyes, handing him a larger piece of crust. "It's something my mom would give me when she baked pies. Just leftover crust baked with butter, cinnamon and sugar. It's the only sweets she allowed in the house, so it was a real treat whenever she baked."

"Cas, you could market this. It's awesome." He finished his piece and licked his fingers. "Got any more?" He gave his most sincere, needy look, pleading with his eyes, and Castiel handed over the other piece with a laugh. Dean finished it in record time, and stood to give his boyfriend a hug and kiss. "Cas, you're the best. Thank you for sharing that. I love hearing you talk about your mom."

~~~~~

After the pies were done and the meats were ready to go, they packed everything into Dean's trunk and headed to the Singer's. During the ride, Dean held Castiel's hand tight, and they listened to Christmas songs on the radio. When 'This Christmas' by Donny Hathaway came on, Dean sang along, then kissed Castiel's knuckles, and smiled sweetly. Clearly, it meant something to him that they'd be spending this holiday together, and Castiel was grateful.

~~~~~

Once they'd arrived at the Singers' they started to unload the car of gifts and food. Kevin and Ash helped them carry everything in, with Sam glancing curiously between Castiel and Dean, clearly wanting to ask, but not wanting to create any weirdness. Castiel glanced up at Sam and immediately blushed, which gave Sam his answer, and he nodded in approval and smirked at Dean, who gave him a threatening look in return.

Once inside, they took their coats and boots off - 'no shoes in the house' - Ellen's rule. Castiel reached for Dean's hand once again, but Dean shoved his hands in his pockets. Castiel put his hands in his own pockets and hung his head, a little confused, but not wanting to ask what was going on.

Sam led them into the kitchen to announce their presence and deposit the foods. After hellos and hugs, Dean grabbed a beer from the fridge, twisted off the top, and drained half of it. He moved over to stand by the table, opposite Cas, and continued to drink his beer. Sam looked at Dean, his mouth open in disbelief, and shook his head. "Cas, do you want something to drink? We have beer, wine, juice, water..."

"I'll take a beer," he said with a sidelong glance at Dean. "Thanks, Sam. I appreciate it," he said as Sam handed him the opened bottle. Dean glanced at Castiel with an arched brow, and shrugged, then turned to his brother. "Hey, Sammy, you wanna play some pool?"

"Um, sure, Dean. I guess. You wanna play teams?"

"Nah, Cas can hang out up here. He doesn't need a babysitter. Right, Cas?" Castiel cocked his head to the side and looked at Dean questioningly for a moment, then nodded sadly.

As the brothers headed to the basement stairs, Sam reached out and stopped Dean. "What's up, Dean? I assumed you and Cas - "

"What we are is none of your business, ok? He's fine, I'm fine, and that's all there is to it." He pulled away from Sam's grasp on his arm and led the way downstairs.

~~~~~

Castiel asked Charlie to go to the living room. Oblivious to what had happened in the foyer, Charlie gushed at him. "Ok, Cas, spill. I wanna know EVERYTHING! Even the graphic stuff." Castiel scowled. "Oh ok, geez, so maybe not everything, but can you at least tell me what happened while you were both incommunicado?"

Castiel sighed. _May as well get it over with._ He gave Charlie the details of the previous day, excluding the 'graphic stuff'. "We were intimate. A couple of times." Charlie squealed, and Castiel continued. "He was great, Charlie. Warm, passionate, caring, and sweet." Charlie gave her best 'what?-MY-brother?' look and Castiel nodded. "Right up until we got here. He asked me to come tonight as his boyfriend... yes, seriously... and then we got here and he changed on me. I'm confused. He's running hot, then cold, and I don't know how to handle the changes."

"Hmmm...let me observe, and I'll think of something. I got you this far didn't I?"

~~~~~

During dinner, Dean had managed to place himself a few chairs away from Castiel. He made sure the others had their drinks refilled, asking Castiel last, reluctantly. When Castiel asked him to pass a food item, Dean acted like he didn't hear him. He barely looked at him, let alone spoke more than a few words to him.

When dinner was over, Dean excused himself from the table and went out to the porch, and Sam almost followed him, but Charlie beat him to it. They shared a silent, knowing look, and she slipped out the door to find Dean shivering on the porch swing. She sat down next to him with a huff.

"What're you doing, Dean?"

"What's it look like I'm doing, Charlie? I'm enjoying the cold air."

"No, I mean what are you doing to Cas? You tell me you were together and you had an amazing day, he spent the night at your house, you bring him here, and you subsequently ignore him the entire time." Dean started to protest and she held up her hand and cut him off. "No. Just shut up and listen. You know you had everyone else's drinks refilled but his? You didn't even sit next to him for Christ's sake. You left him in the kitchen while you played pool. You won't even look at him, Dean, and everyone can see it. We're all wondering why you brought him if you don't want him here?"

Dean looked down at his hands, and shook his head. "I don't know, Charlie. It's not like I'm doing this on purpose. I'm an ass, ok? Once a dick, always a dick, I guess."

"I don't buy it, Dean."

Dean leaned back in the swing, gave it a kick to get it moving, and sighed. "I have this...thing, when I'm around people. Take you, for instance. I can talk openly with you, no pretense, no bullshit. But when I talk to Cas? Everything comes out wrong. I twist my words and say the wrong thing. And around Ellen, Bobby and Sam? I can't believe they'd be happy to see me kissing all over some guy, you know? Call it a reputation, call it an act, whatever, but it's not a part of my life that I've shared with them."

"Dean, you care for him. It's crystal clear. We ALL see it, including mom and dad, and especially Sam. We've all known for weeks now. And they knew about that Crowley guy, by the way. Anyway, it's evident in the way you two look at each other that you lo- um, care about each other. A lot. Don't make him think you only want him when nobody else is around. He can't be your dirty little secret, Dean. You'll lose him."

Dean nodded, emotion tightening his throat. He didn't trust himself to say anything else. Instead, he reached an arm around his sister and hugged her close, and kissed the top of her head. After a few minutes, they both went back inside. Dean walked straight up to Castiel where he was standing in the living room with everyone else, and grabbed him up in a tight hug. Castiel was surprised at first, but he brought his arms around Dean and hugged him back.

"Bout damn time, boy," said Bobby. Ellen shushed him and swatted him on the arm. "Why don't you boys get the Christmas decorations out of the basement. We've got a tree to decorate."

~~~~~

The rest of the evening was filled with Castiel's pies for dessert, easy conversation, laughter, a little too much drinking by almost everyone, and decorating. It was the Singer family tradition to decorate the tree on Christmas Eve. Sam and Dean both fought over who got to put the angel on the tree, and when Bobby threatened to take it outside and 'burn the cursed thing to the ground,' they stopped bickering immediately. Dean held the Angel out to Castiel. "Cas, um...why don't you do it?"

He stood up from where he'd been sitting cross legged on the floor. "Me? Why?"

Dean ducked his head and shook the angel out at him. "Just take it, Cas." He continued very quietly as the others stared. "After not having a real Christmas or a real family since your mom passed, I think you deserve to put the angel on the tree." Then his face erupted in three different shades of red, and everyone 'awwwwed' at Dean's sudden charming side.

Castiel placed the angel at the top with the help of a short step stool and gave Dean a quick hug, thanking him, when he was done. Ellen dimmed the lights and Bobby plugged in the tree, and it was the most beautiful Christmas tree Castiel had ever seen. He had everyone who meant anything to him under the same roof. With everyone lightly liquored up, smiling and happy, Ash finally spoke up. "Ya'll are way too sappy. Can we open presents?"

Everybody groaned, and Jo hit him with a pillow, but Ellen spoke up. "Keeping with tradition, Ash, you can all open ONE gift, and one gift only. The rest, you can save until you wake up in your own homes tomorrow. Why don't you open the ones wrapped in red."

Everyone dove for the tree like children and ripped open their red-wrapped gifts from Bobby and Ellen. Dean got a new set of flannel shirts and t-shirts, Kevin got a set of leather bound journals, and Castiel got a travel air compressor and emergency kit for his car. Jo and Ash each got matching gun belts, Dot got an antique rifle that Bobby had been restoring, and Charlie got a pair of noise canceling headphones for her daily commute.

Sam and Jess were the last ones to open their gift. It was a couples gift, which Sam opened, and Jessica held up proudly. It was a tiny Singer's camouflage onesie. Everyone gasped, then congratulated the couple. Bobby and Ellen had been waiting a long time for grandchildren, and they were extremely proud. Sam cleared his throat. "Thanks guys. We weren't sure how to tell everyone, so we told Bobby and Ellen, and they took care of the big announcement." He hugged Jess close, and she added, "I'm only a couple of months along, but we couldn't wait to spill the beans." She beamed, and hugs were had all around.

~~~~~

As the night wore to an end, Bobby was fast asleep in his recliner, Jess had gone to lay down, And Kevin, Charlie and Dot had already left with their gifts and some leftovers. Sam and Ash were playing air hockey in the basement, and that left Ellen, Dean, Castiel and Jo in the living room. Castiel yawned, and Ellen took that as her cue to take Dean to the kitchen for a talk, under the pretense of giving him leftovers.

Once in the kitchen, she hugged Dean and then held him by both arms. "We're glad you wised up. Castiel's a good man, Dean. He's been good for you, so be good to him. We couldn't be happier for you. Don't you let him slip through your fingers, you hear?"

"Yes ma'am," Dean said, before getting crushed in another hug.

~~~~~

Once the gifts and leftovers had been stowed safely in Dean's car, and both men were inside, they waited for the car to warm up and the windows to defrost. Dean turned to Castiel. _I'm determined to get my words right this time, dammit!_ "I'm sorry, Cas. God, I really do say that too much." He scoffed at himself. "I was a jerk, and...no, don't cut me off," he warned as Castiel opened his mouth. "As I said, I was a jerk, and you didn't deserve that. I wasn't sure how to act in there. I thought I could handle it, but they've never actually seen me in a relationship with another man, so I panicked and tried to play it safe. Can you forgive me?"

Castiel took his hand and looked him in the eyes. "It's fine. I bought a new toothbrush, Dean."

"Ooohkaaay..."

"Dean...I bought it to keep at -"

Dean, suddenly realizing the significance, cut him off by leaning over to Castiel's side of the seat and kissing him hard. "God, I wanna take you home and do bad, bad things to your body, Cas."

Castiel felt a surge of desire, kissed Dean once more, then buckled his seatbelt and looked pointedly at him. "Then what are we waiting for?"

They made it back to Dean's house in record time.

 


	29. Winter Wonderland

_Later on we'll conspire_  
_As we dream by the fire_  
_To face_ _un-afraid_ _the plans that we made_  
_Walkin'_ _in a winter wonderland_

_Winter Wonderland (Christmas Medley) - The Carpenters_  
  


~~~~~

Dean had a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that he was being watched, and as he slowly woke up and became aware of his surroundings, and could hear Karen Carpenter's voice singing a Christmas song on his beloved classic rock station. He'd forgotten that every station on the dial played holiday music on Christmas Day. He cracked one eye open and found Castiel staring at him intently from the pillow next to him. He flinched a bit, with Castiel's face so close to his he was almost looking at him cross eyed. The flinch didn't seem to bother Castiel, and seeing Dean finally wake up, Castiel's eyes lit up and his smile widened as Dean rubbed his eyes and woke up enough to smile back and yawn.

Dean was still a little unnerved by how close the man would arrange himself next to him, but he was becoming used to it, and would rather have him too close than too far away. Dean reached out and found his target: Castiel's hips. He pulled him in and nuzzled his nose into the man's shoulder, inhaled his scent deeply and stifled another yawn into his warm skin. "What time is it?" He asked in a muffled voice.

"It's 7 A.M., Dean," Castiel said as he kissed Dean's forehead. "I've been waiting for you to wake up for an eternity! It's Christmas morning. How does one sleep so late on the best day of the year?" He jumped out of bed and pulled on his jeans from the day before. "C'mon! I want to watch you open your gifts!"

Dean shut his eyes again and threw an arm over his face, not even trying to hide the groan of irritation at getting up early on one of his rare days off. "For someone who's not usually a morning person, you sure are bright-eyed and chipper. I'm gonna need a mammoth-sized cup of coffee."

Dean reluctantly sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, feeling the warm air around him. The floor was a little cold beneath his feet, but he was glad he'd decided to run the furnace. _Still, it IS Christmas morning...I should build a small fire...I want to make Cas happy._ Dean shook his head in amusement as he thought to himself, still surprised at how quickly he'd gone from steeling himself against having any feelings whatsoever for Castiel, to wanting so badly to please him and make him feel comfortable and loved. _I'm so fucking whipped_ , he thought as he put on a pair of boxers and went to the kitchen to start the coffee and a quick breakfast.

Castiel, with a large, silly smile plastered on his face, bounced in his chair like a sugar-high, excited child while Dean went through his morning routine, and finally lit a cozy fire. Dean beckoned for Castiel to join him on the rug in front of the fire place, and Castiel finally stopped bouncing and sat down, cross-legged, across from Dean with two wrapped gifts in his lap. He was still wearing his goofy grin, though.

"Ok, Cas. Let's get this over with." Dean tried to make himself sound mildly irritated, but he couldn't stop the smile from twitching up the corners of his mouth as he watched his excited boyfriend.

"Here, Dean. Open this one first!" Castiel thrust the smaller of the two gifts into Dean's hands. Dean opened it, slowly, to tease Castiel's patience, grinning the entire time. Castiel's excitement had infected him and he couldn't stop smiling. He finally ripped open the last corner and held up a handmade, braided brown leather bracelet with a small silver charm hanging from it. On one side of the charm was a picture of an angel, and on the other side were words that read: Always With You.

Dean immediately put the bracelet on his wrist and admired the way it looked against his skin."Cas, did you make this?"

"I did, Dean. Do you like it?"

Dean leaned over to kiss his boyfriend, holding Castiel's face in his hands. "Of course I like it. Look at how good it looks on me! Seriously, it's perfect. Thank you."

"I'm happy you like it, Dean." Castiel pulled a similar bracelet out of his pocket and put it on his own wrist. "Now we match, and we'll be reminded of each other every day. Ok, one more gift. Here." He held out a larger, rectangular, brightly wrapped gift.

Dean opened the second gift faster than the first, excited to see what else Castiel had thought up. It was a double photo frame. On one side was a black and white picture of his parents standing side by side, his dad with an arm around his mom, and they were looking at each other with love and adoration. On the other side of the frame was a picture of himself and Castiel at the contest, standing behind their counter, in the exact same pose, his arm around Castiel's shoulders. They were looking at each other with the same expressions on their faces.

Dean just stared at the photos, speechless. He felt the moisture in his eyes, and blinked quickly to hold the tears back. He swallowed around the lump in his throat, and looked up at Castiel. "Cas, how..." His voice broke, and he tried again, his throat thick with emotion. "I've never seen this picture of my parents. Where did you find it? And how did you know...?" His voice betrayed him again.

Castiel scooted closer to Dean, took the frame from his hands and put the picture behind him on the coffee table. "Ellen gave me the photo of us. Missouri took it with her phone while we weren't looking, and sent it to her. Ellen said she remembered seeing a similar, old photo of your parents in their senior yearbook, so she made a copy and gave them both to me. I thought... they were so similar, and we looked so happy... I just wanted you to see how happy your parents were, and how happy you make me. And how in love with you I am, Dean. That photo proves it." Castiel ducked his head, afraid to look at Dean after such a huge confession. He hadn't planned on saying it so soon, but it had just tumbled out of his mouth before his brain could stop it.

Suddenly, Castiel found himself flat on his back with Dean hovering over him, kissing him hard. Dean came up for air and gently caressed Castiel's jawline with his thumb. "I don't know how you do it, Cas, but you just keep on surprising me every time I turn around. I think that's what I lo- ...uh, that's what I like the most about you." He sat up and pulled Castiel with him. "Now it's my turn to surprise you."

Dean reached around to the floor beside the fireplace and retrieved a small box wrapped with red ribbon. He held it out to Castiel, who took it, grinning like a fool, and clutched it to his chest. "Thank you, Dean," Castiel said without making a move to open it. "I love it!"

"Um, Cas? You're supposed to open it first, before you decide if you like it."

"No way, Dean. It came from you, so I don't need to see it to know that it's perfect."

Dean just shook his head and held out his hand. "If you don't open the damn thing, I'll do it for you."

With a sigh, Castiel untied the ribbon and opened the box to reveal two shiny, metal keys, one slightly bigger than the other. He looked at them for a long moment before looking up at Dean, his blue eyes wide and bright, mouth open, as if he had a question forming. Dean spoke first. "Listen, Cas, I'm not as good at gift giving as you are, but I wanted you to know how much I like having you in my life, and how much I want to keep you in it. So...the, uh, smaller key opens the front door to this house. The other one opens the back door to the bar." Castiel looked back down at the keys, sliding his index finger over their smooth surfaces, but didn't say anything, which Dean took as a bad sign. He stood up and walked to the kitchen.

"Ok, look," he called over his shoulder as he poured another cup of coffee. "I told you I was shit at giving gifts, and if you don't like it, or don't want it, I'll understand. Honestly, I will. I know it's early in the game yet, and it's a pretty big step, giving you the keys to my life, man, but -"

Castiel cut him off, coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around his waist, hugging his back.  "Don't be self-depreciating, Dean. It IS a big step, but it's also literally the best gift I've ever received."  

Dean tilted his head back and rested it on Castiel's, content to be in the embrace of such a kind and gentle person, and he marveled again at just how lucky he was to have this man in his life. He was even beginning to believe he might be able to lock down some of the happiness he'd been unsuccessfully chasing his whole adult life.


	30. Mr Crowley

_Your lifestyle to me seemed so tragic_  
_With the thrill of it all_  
_You fooled all the people with magic_  
_Yeah, you waited on Satan's call_

_Mr. Crowley - Ozzy Osbourne_

~~~~~

On New Year's Eve morning, Castiel decided to finally go back to his apartment. He'd long since run out of his own clothes to wear, and honestly felt as if he was burdening Dean by staying there, eating his food and wearing his clothes. Plus, he really did need to check on his plants, do his laundry, clean a little, and get his mail.

He grabbed the large, neglected pile of mail the postman had left in his box, climbed the stairs, unlocked his door, and threw his mail on the kitchen counter. He was about to water his plants when he noticed an envelope had fallen onto the floor. It wasn't a bill or junk mail. It was from a law firm he didn't recognize the name of. Intrigued, he opened it and walked to the couch while reading.

~~~~~

From the desk of Samuel Colt, J.D.

Barnes and Colt  
Probate & Estate Administration Attorneys, P.L.L.C.  
522 Swan Song Pl.  
Pembroke, MA 02358

 

Dear Mr. Novak,

I am happy to inform you that the inheritance process has been successfully completed and the will of Mr. Charles Shurley is now ready to put into action.

According to the will, you are to inherit the sum of $15,000,000.00 as the bequest left by Mr. Charles Shurley to you, as one of three legitimate heirs. Due to the rather large sum, we at Colt and Barnes feel it would be more appropriate for you to discuss your options for collecting the money in person, in our law office, at your convenience.

If you have any questions regarding the inheritance, please feel free to contact me or my office.

I appreciate your patience during this process.

Regards,

 

Mr. Samuel Colt, J.D.

~~~~~

Castiel nearly lost his balance, and sat down hard on the couch. He read and re-read the letter until, hands shaking and heart beating erratically, he let go and the letter fluttered to the floor. He put his elbows on his knees, face in his hands, and finally allowed himself to cry. He cried for his mom and her hard work and love after the divorce. He cried for the siblings he never met, who also lost a father. He cried for himself, losing his dad for the second time. He cried because he'd been remembered and thought of and loved after all, and now he no longer had to suffer financially, and could finally pay off his mother's medical debt and finish his degree. He wondered why he'd never received notification that his father had died, or that the will was in probate.

After he got a hold of himself and dried his tears, Castiel walked back to the kitchen to go through the rest of the mail. There, he found three more letters from the attorney, rubber-banded together, with postal service forwarding stickers on them. They'd been sent to his last known address first - the childhood home that he had to give up when his mom died - and then forwarded around until they made it to his current address. It made sense that none of the letters reached him on time. His first instinct was to call Dean and tell him the news. However, he knew Dean was busy with the bar, getting it stocked and decorated, and helping Kevin with the food prep for the party later that night, and he really did need to get things done around the apartment that he'd been neglecting. The lawyer and the money would still be there tomorrow, so he could wait a few hours to tell Dean the bittersweet news.

~~~~~

Dean was in the bar's kitchen with Kevin prepping the platters of finger foods and dips for the party later. It was no ordinary night. It was the one time each year, besides Super Bowl Sunday, that Dean shut down his kitchen and served party foods and champagne, on the house. Despite the money spent on the free food, and bottles of bubbly he provided at midnight, this was one of the best nights of the year in terms of revenue, so it was his favorite, of course, and he worked with a light and carefree attitude. He actually felt happy, and he thought that just maybe, it had more to do with a certain disheveled, blue-eyed, man who was pure sex in a trench coat, than anything else. Dean was so happy, in fact, that he was determined to tell Castiel, finally, that he loved him when the clock struck midnight. It would be the perfect way to start the new year.

As Dean and Kevin worked, Charlie walked into the kitchen from the bar carrying an armload of boxes full of decorations. She dropped them onto the counter with a sigh and teased, with a twanging southern accent, "Such gentleman, offerin' to help a lady carry all those heavy boxes through the snow. What ever would I do without you chivalrous boys?" She gestured dramatically, causing Kevin to giggle and snort.

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Bite me, Red. You never accept my help, anyway. Besides, I've seen you drag a trophy buck out of the woods without any trouble. You did just fine with two damn boxes of PAPER decorations."

Charlie tapped her chin with a glittery black fingernail and considered Dean's words. "You're right. I'm awesome! Now, get your butt out there and tell me where I'm hanging this festive crap!" She flipped her hair and sauntered back to the bar with a box of decorations, leaving Dean to roll his eyes and chuckle in her wake.

~~~~~

Once the bar and dining area were sufficiently wrapped in crepe paper, glittering and festive signs, props, hats and noise makers, Dean put his hands on his hips and surveyed the room. It looked good. Charlie and Kevin had gone out the back door, headed over to Dean's house to bring back a load of chips, pretzels, popcorn and other snacks. He hadn't heard the front door open behind him, and he turned around, startled, as the opening chords of Mr Crowley echoed loudly in the empty bar.

Dean cursed to himself when he saw the familiar, yet unwanted man from his past standing by the juke box. The man was older than Dean, and shorter by just a couple of inches, but sill looked to be in good shape. He was wearing a black business suit and tie, dress shoes and unbuttoned overcoat, which was a far cry from the jeans and long sleeved tshirts that Dean remembered him wearing. He had aged quite a bit since Dean had last seen him. His hair was still dark, but had flecks of gray at the temples and it was cut short instead of tied back in his signature ponytail he'd worn in his youth. He'd cleaned up, and was still handsome, but Dean felt none of the attraction he'd once had for the man.

 _Great. Charlie left the door unlocked. She is SO unbelievably fired!_ Dean folded his arms across his chest and assumed a protective and defensive posture. "Get the HELL out of my bar," Dean said through clenched teeth.

Fergus McCleod smiled his most sincere, though still slightly smarmy, smile and closed the gap between himself and Dean, arms outstretched as if to hug him. When Dean remained motionless, arms still crossed and jaw still clenched, Fergus looked disappointed and put his hands in his pants pockets. His smile faltered and his eyebrows drew together in annoyance. "Come now, Dean. Is that any way to greet an old lover? You have my song on your juke box. Does that mean you're not over me yet?"

Dean took a few steps back and dropped his hands to his sides, clenching them into fists. "I told you if I ever saw your face again, I'd beat it to a fucking pulp. I know you heard me say it. This is your last warning, Fergus. Get the fuck out."

Fergus clucked his tongue. "Such foul language coming out of that pretty mouth. I remember what you used to do with that mouth, Squirrel, and I much prefer that to this crude rubbish." He took a step closer.

Dean, frustrated, wiped a hand down his face and over his mouth as if to clear away the memory of the man in front of him from his skin. "You lost the right to speak to me, let alone do anything else to me or with me when you were gonna let me take the fall on that last job - "

"That was a misunderstanding, Dean. The job was botched. I never would have left you there! I was coming back for you. Besides, YOU'RE the wanker who turned ME in! I should hate you, Winchester, but I don't. I can't." He took another step closer, stopping in front of Dean. "I'm still in love with you, you damn, bloody I fool. I got out six months ago, and the first thing I did was try to track you down, Dean. I'm out of the life. I'm on the up and up now."

Dean scoffed and Fergus continued. "I'm serious, Dean. I'm out, and I want you back. You've made yourself a nice, cozy life here, but I've heard from my sources that you're lonely."

Dean physically flinched. "Your 'sources?' You're seriously telling me you've had me watched? What do you think you're doing, Fergus? You don't have a claim on me anymore." He looked at the floor and shook his head. "They're wrong, you know. I'm not alone. I have someone."

It was Fergus' turn to scoff. "What we had was real, Dean. We were real. I loved you. I still do. You turned me in and I've forgiven you. I came back for you." He reached out and put his hand on Dean's shoulder. "You haven't changed, Squirrel. The memory of your face and," he paused while his eyes raked up and down Dean's body, "other attributes, kept me going over the years. I haven't been able to get you out of my system. Look at me. I've changed for you. I bloody well deserve love, Dean. You complete me, Winchester." Fergus took advantage of Dean's allowance of his touch and reached up on his toes to kiss him.

~~~~~

Castiel sped through his housekeeping, and once his clothes were dry he took the fastest shower of his life. Somewhere between reading the letter and watering his plants, he'd decided he couldn't wait. He needed to see Dean, to share the news with him. He realized he wanted to share everything with him, good or bad, because without Dean it wasn't worth experiencing. He'd let it slip at Christmas that he loved him, and even though Dean didn't say it back, he didn't care. He needed to see him to make it all worth anything.

Castiel glanced at his phone and saw there were still a few hours to spare until the bar opened, which was perfect. He could share his news and get Dean's - and hopefully Charlie's, opinions and maybe make plans with Dean to go to Massachusetts with him, take a vacation, be together without worry or interruption. High on the thought of possibly having Dean all to himself for a week - maybe two, with no work and no drama, Castiel threw his clothes, shoes and coat on in a rush and drove as fast as he could to the bar, within the confines of the law and safety, of course.

Castiel parked the car and got out, hurrying to the kitchen door around back. He threw the door open and saw the kitchen was empty. Then he heard voices coming from the bar. As he got closer he could make out Dean's voice, and he was talking to another man, who had an English accent. He remembered something Dean had said about an English man... And then it clicked. _Crowley! He's back? Oh no. No, no,no, no, no_. Castiel opened the swinging door to the bar just in time to see the older man, with his hand on Dean's shoulder, stretch up to kiss his boyfriend square on the mouth.

Castiel felt sick. He let the door silently swing shut and covered his mouth with his hand as he backed up, gave a strangled sob, and turned to run out the back door. He drove blindly, tears clouding his vision, until he had to pull over or risk running into a tree. He made his decision then, on the side of the road, to leave and not look back. Not just leave the bar, but the town. The state. Maybe even the country. With his dad's money, he could go anywhere.

~~~~~

Dean, oblivious to Castiel having seen Fergus kissing him, was caught off guard by the bold and unwanted move. He shoved the man away from him as hard as he could, knocking him down. He wiped his mouth and spit, hitting Fergus in the face with a glob of saliva.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Dean barked at him. Get out and do it now before I get my gun! I don't care how you've changed, I don't care how much you miss me! We were over a long time ago. Leave me the hell alone."

Fergus stood up and straightened his clothes. He ran a hand through his hair and wiped the spit off of his face as he walked towards the front door. He stopped and turned around, facing Dean once again. "Do you really think I wouldn't come back for you? I taught you everything! You were nothing without me, you wanker. And now you think...what? That you deserve something more that what we had? You think I'm not worthy of you because you made something of yourself? Well, screw you, Princess." He turned to leave again, but paused once more. "By the way, you'd better chase after your boyfriend, because he saw me kissing you. Good luck explaining why you let me do it." With that, Fergus was gone.

~~~~~

Castiel drove straight to Charlie and Dot's apartment and broke down again as soon as he stepped through the door. Dot, home from work because of the holiday, managed to calm him down long enough to get him to sit at the dining room table and drink some tea. His crying over, he sat, with red- rimmed eyes and stuffy nose, and was silent. He couldn't find his voice without starting to cry again, which frustrated him, but eventually, he was able to talk around the lump in his throat. He explained what happened, letting Dot know of his plans to leave.

"Cas," sighed Dot. "You can't just leave. Not without hearing his side. Fergus, Crowley, whatever you want you call him...he's a manipulator, a user, and an emotional abuser, from what Charlie's told me. He had some kind of hold over Dean when he was younger, I don't know, but it was a toxic relationship, and it almost ruined Dean, you know. It stands to reason that seeing him again after all these years would confuse him."

"He didn't look confused, Dot. He was kissing him. I thought... I told him I love him, and he kissed someone else. I can't do this. He'll never see his worth to me. I'm not strong enough to love someone who tries to hurt everyone else first before they can hurt him."

Castiel stood up and walked to the door. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything to him. Or to Charlie." When she started to protest, he looked pleadingly at her. "Please. I know you'll tell her, but for a few days, at least, can you keep my secret? I need some space. I can't stay here...I just can't. I'll call her when I get there, and I'll arrange for my apartment to be packed and moved." Dot nodded, agreeing against her better judgement to keep the secret for a few days.

Castiel went back to his apartment and got onto the internet to book a one way flight and rental car for Boston. He packed what little clothes he owned along with his laptop, photos and important papers. He turned his cell phone off and left the apartment, locking the door behind him for the last time. He drove his car to the Sioux Falls Regional Airport and parked his car in long term parking. He boarded the plane, numb and in a bit of a fog. In less than two hours he'd gone from happy and in love to rejected and alone once again. He closed his eyes as the plane took off, and somehow managed to sleep for the entire flight.

~~~~~

Dean stood, in shock, staring at the front door of the bar after Fergus left. _What the hell just happened? Oh, shit! Cas! I need to find Cas._ He dug into his pocket for his phone and called Cas' cell. Voicemail. He called again and again, and got nothing but voicemail. He texted him.

Dean: Cas where are you? Call me. Text me. Come see me. I need to talk to you.

As he was grabbing his jacket and keys, Kevin and Charlie walked through the door with the bags of food they'd brought back. Charlie saw the desperate and panicked look in Dean's eyes, and dropped what she was carrying, rushing over to him. "Dean, what's wrong? What happened?"

Dean dragged a hand through his hair. "Fergus came to see me. You left the front door unlocked, which I should fire you for, by the way. He walked in and tried to win me back, just like nothing ever happened." He threw his keys on the prep table and sighed. "He kissed me, Charlie, and I let it happen."

"Dean..."

"No, Charlie, I don't know what happened. I told him to get out. I threatened him, I wanted to kill him, but I let him get close to me, and I let him kiss me. Cas saw it. Fergus told me that Cas saw it. I didn't kiss him back, though. I pushed him away. But how do I explain to Cas how I just let it happen? I'm so stupid."

Dean just stood, looking despondent and broken, so Charlie led him to his office and closed the door. "Sit down. We'll figure this out. You don't need to be driving anywhere right now, ok? Just stay in here while Kevin and I finish setting up, and maybe Cas will come back for the party. In the meantime, we'll all keep trying to get a hold of him, ok? I'll have Dot drive by his apartment before she comes out. Maybe he'll be home and she can bring him with. Sound good?" Dean nodded. Charlie sighed and closed the door behind her.

~~~~~

Just before midnight, the party was in full swing, and Kevin was bartending, badly, but nobody seemed to notice. They were too drunk, rowdy and having too much fun to care. He was covering for Charlie who, along with Dot, had taken Dean back to his house. Charlie had gotten caught up in the party, serving and tending bar to cover for Dean and had forgotten that not only had she left him alone in his office with his thoughts, she'd also left him alone with a full bottle of Wild Turkey which was nearly gone by the time she remembered he was still back there, and Dean could barely stand. They'd all tried calling and texting Cas, and at one point Kevin had gone looking for him, but they hadn't heard from him, and his car was gone.

As they were trying to get a very wasted and passed out Dean into bed, Dot confessed to Charlie that she'd seen Cas, and that she'd tried to console him and talk him out of leaving. She felt guilty for withholding information, but also for breaking her promise to Castiel. She told Charlie about the letter he'd received, and where he was flying into. Charlie wondered how she'd be able to find Castiel him and get him to come home. It really was in her hands. She started it, she was sure as hell going to finish it.


	31. Don't Come Around Here No More

 

_Don't come around here no more_  
_Don't come around here no more_  
_Whatever you're looking for_  
_Hey! Don't come around here no more_

_I've given up. I've given up_  
_I've given up on waiting any longer_  
_I've given up, on this love getting stronger_

_I don't feel you anymore_  
_You darken my door_  
_Whatever you're looking for_  
_Hey, don't come around here no more_

_I've given up. I've given up_  
_I've given up, you tangle my emotions_  
_I've given up, honey please admit it's over_

_Stop walking down my street_  
_Who did you expect to meet?_  
_Whatever you're looking for_  
_Hey, don't come around here no more_

_Don't Come Around Here No More – Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers_

~~~~~

  
Two weeks after Castiel left

  
Dean's alarm startled him out of a fitful sleep, and he reached across the bed to grab the clock and throw it across the room. It was plugged in, however, and dropped to the floor next to the bed with a thud, giving him no satisfaction whatsoever. He groaned and sat up, and winced at the dull throbbing in his head. His mouth felt like he'd eaten a jar of cotton balls, his eyes were crusty, and the light hurt him. The physical toll alcohol took on his body should have kept him from grabbing the bottle of whatever alcohol he'd been drinking from the bedside table, but it didn't. _Hair o' the dog._ He took a healthy swig, grimacing at the bitterness. _Fuck, I hate mornings._ He took another drink, swung his legs over the side of the bed and shuffled to the bathroom to take a shower. If it were up to him, he wouldn't bother, but Charlie would nag him to death for driving customers away with his stench if he didn't. So he did. _No use incurring the Wrath of Charlie._

  
He showered, letting the hot water and steam wash away the odor of alcohol and sweat from his body, steeling himself from letting the emotions control him. He'd cried for nearly a week straight after Castiel left, always in the shower, letting his tears mix with the hot water and wash away down the drain. He was all out of tears now, though, and numbness had taken over. His teeth felt like they were wearing a sweater, so he finished his shower and moved to the sink to brush the disgusting, fuzzy feeling out of his mouth. He figured he'd shave, too, since he was standing there already. He wasn't very careful, though, and with the never ending hangover he was looped in, he ended up cutting himself more than a few times.

  
With dots of toilet paper on his face to stop the cuts from bleeding, he pulled on clean clothes and checked his phone, but his only new text message was from Sam, with an update on Jess and the baby, and to ask if he was ok. He fired a quick text back to say "I'm fine, stop worrying, say 'hi' to Jess." He had no missed calls, except for Charlie. She was a good little sister, although lately she'd taken on the role of big sister, looking after him, making sure he'd eaten and bathed and could get into bed before passing out on his living room floor every night.

  
As was his morning routine for the last two weeks, he went to the bar to help Kevin prep the food for the day, balance the books, clean, and do inventory and ordering. Once the bar opened, he could busy himself with customers for most of the day and night. Inventory was Kevin's job, but Dean needed to keep his mind occupied, in order to keep the self-loathing and sadness at bay, until he couldn't, and gave in to the emotional onslaught that always came with the silence at the end of the night. That's where the bottle came in. The booze fueled the sadness, and the sadness fueled the need for booze. It really was one hell of a toxic, symbiotic relationship, sadness and drinking.

  
After everything was finished at the bar in the mornings, Dean had found himself with an hour or so each day of silence that he need to fill with something... anything... so he had taken to driving into town with his radio up as high as he could stand it, singing along, until he came to the corner convenience store. At first he would park outside and wait, but Castiel was never there. After a while he'd just started rolling by instead of stopping, peering in the window as he did so. Afterwards, he'd always continue to Castiel's apartment complex. For the first week, he'd sprint up the old stairs two at a time, and pound on the door, shouting to be heard through the wooden barrier, begging Castiel to let him in, and let him explain. After a few days of that, the neighbors got fed up and told him to leave. Castiel wasn't there, and nobody had seen him, and he was just this side of disturbing the peace. Since then, though, Dean still went through the routine, but now he just parked and ambled up the stairs. He'd knock softly a few times, wait for a few minutes, and then leave, dejected and mentally exhausted.

  
This day was no different. He saw Castiel's car was still in the parking lot, never having moved in the last two weeks, but he still wasn't anywhere to be found. Dean got into his car and drove back to the bar, radio on, but did not sing. Once he got back, he walked in the front door, since Charlie had opened and the regulars were already there, and assumed his position behind the bar. Rufus and Benny exchanged silent, knowing glances, and Jodi regarded him with something akin to pity in her eyes.

  
Dean shook his head and scoffed. "I'm fine, guys. Quit lookin' at me like that, would ya? And quit talking to Charlie. She's fillin' your heads full of crap." They all nodded and resumed eating and talking amongst themselves, careful not to look at him. A sad and unhappy Dean was a snippy and mean Dean, so they left it at that. Charlie regarded him from across the room, and vowed to finally figure out how to get Dean and Castiel back together without letting Dean know she knew where he was this entire time. She'd never hear the end of it if he knew she was lying to him. She texted Castiel for the second time that day, again asking if he would just please answer her. She received nothing in return.

  
Later that night, Charlie closed the bar and shut off the lights. Kevin had left after dinner was over at ten, and Dean had taken yet another bottle of something home with him at midnight, after she managed to get him to eat dinner, leaving her to tend bar and close. As was her nightly routine at two-thirty a.m., she walked over to his house and let herself in, and found Dean lying on the floor in front of his fireplace, staring into the fire, nearly empty bottle beside him. She silently helped him up and he let her. He snatched up the bottle - which she just as quickly snatched away from him, and helped him to bed. She set the bottle on the nightstand, knowing she'd be bitched at if she didn't, and managed to get him to remove his jeans and socks before he fell into bed and passed out. She covered him and set his alarm before going back out to the living room to stoke the fire. She looked back at the bedroom, where she could hear Dean snoring, and sighed before leaving and locking the house. Dot was already in the driveway waiting for her, as was her routine now, too.

  
~~~~~

  
A month after Castiel left

  
Finally, after racking her brain to come up with another plan, sick over seeing Dean muddling through day after day, barely a shadow of his former self, Charlie texted Cas to tell him she'd be flying in to Boston. She gave him a fake arrival time, telling him to meet her outside the baggage claim in the passenger loading zone. She received a text back immediately that simply said, "Call me now." Charlie did, and after two rings Castiel picked up.

  
"Don't go to Boston, Charlie. Don't waste your time and money."

  
"Cas, you're my best friend. I've texted and called you every day for the last month. What the frack, dude?"

  
Castiel sighs audibly. "It's not a simple process, to get over someone, Charlie. I needed the time to think, to get my life together...to get over him."

  
"And has it worked?"

  
A long pause, and then, a very weary "No."

  
"Then come back, Cas. He misses you. He's a mess without you. He still looks for you every day. He drives by the store and goes to your apartment... if nothing else, just let him explain what happened that night. It's really not what you – "

  
"It's not that easy, Charlie," Castiel cut her off. "I know what I saw, and no amount of explaining will make it ok for him to kiss someone else. Frankly, that you can even ask me to listen to it, is insulting."

  
"Cas..." Charlie sighed.

  
Castiel sniffled on the other end of the line, and his voice became thick. "I'm not in Boston, Charlie. I'm renting a house in Philadelphia. Kevin pulled some strings with his friend in Admissions at Temple University. I'm a month into classes." He paused, sniffling again. "I decided to finish my degree. One semester, Charlie. One semester was all I had left when she died. I needed to put myself into something so I didn't think about him...so I could keep my mind occupied. That's why I didn't call or text, and that's why I can't come back. How am I supposed to get over him when he's all I can think about?" Charlie could tell he was crying now.

  
"He's not over you, Cas. And you're clearly not over him. You both owe it to yourselves to talk, even if you don't get back together. If nothing else, to find closure."

  
"I gotta go, Charlie. Class is starting. I'll call you later."

  
~~~~~

  
One more week later

  
Charlie was busy folding napkins and setting tables when she heard the telltale glam metal guitar riff indicating a text from Castiel. She grabbed her phone from her pocket so fast she almost flung it across the room in her excitement.

  
Cas: I know I'm not your favorite person, but I need a favor.

  
Charlie rolled her eyes and true to form, she automatically fired a snarky text back.

  
Charlie: Who is this, please?

  
Cas: Come on. You know it's me. I'm sorry, ok?

  
Cas: Never mind. Forget I texted.

  
Charlie: OMG, are u serious?

  
She waited impatiently, hand on her hip, glaring at the phone in her hand, with no response from Castiel.

  
Charlie: Ur killin' me Smalls! Just fracking ask already!

  
Cas: Ok, I'm moving to Philly permanently. I need help coordinating the moving van  & getting my car here, since I'm not coming back.

  
Charlie: Cas, this is NOT ok!

  
Cas: No lectures! Please? Can you help me or not?

  
Charlie finally saw the opportunity she'd been hoping for...that Dean had been searching for, and she replied without hesitation.

  
Charlie: Of course! What r friends for?

  
Cas: Great, thanks. I'll email you the info.

 

 

  
Later that night, as she watched Dean leave the bar with that night's bottle of choice, Charlie received an email with the information, as Castiel had promised. She was to meet someone named Garth from a moving company to supervise his crew getting the small stuff from the apartment packed and loaded with his mom's antique furniture. Then, some guy named Adam, who also went to school in at Temple and was visiting family in Sioux Falls, was coming to pick up the car to drive it down to Castiel. Charlie knew right then and there what she needed to do to help Dean either get closure, or bring Castiel home. She hoped it was the latter, since she wanted her best friend back, and she needed her brother to be whole again.

  
~~~~~

  
The following day

  
As Dean was on his ritual drive to Castiel's apartment, he noticed a moving van parked on the snow-covered lawn and immediately panicked. He instinctively knew they were there for Castiel's stuff. He angrily jumped his car over the curb and onto the lawn, coming to a jerking halt next to the van. He launched himself out of the car and slammed the door as he set his eyes on the geeky looking, unnaturally scrawny dude wearing a back brace, staring down and frowning at a clipboard. Dean stalked up to the man, fists clenching and unclenching at his sides, assessing the height to weight ratio and probable fight outcome, should it come to that. _I'm guessing about a buck oh five soaking wet, if that._ Dean scoffed. _No contest._

  
"Hey! Hey, you!" Dean was stalking towards the moving van guy, almost yelling, but trying his best to remain calm. "Are you here for my boyfr – my friend's stuff?"

  
Moving Van Guy turned around and his eyes widened at the sight of one very pissed off Dean Winchester barreling down on him. He held up a hand and broke out in a goofy, lopsided grin.

  
"Whoa, there hombre! No need to get all juiced. I mean the jawline, and the hair...it's all very intimidating, but I ain't up for a fight just now. I was told I'd be meetin' some dude named Charles. You him?"

  
Dean tensed even more, if that was possible. He looked at Moving Van Guy questioningly and asked with a tight voice, "Do you mean Charlie, by any chance?"

  
Moving Van Guy looked back at his clipboard and smiled. "Yeah, I suppose he could have said Charlie. It's the damndest thing, this old badminton injury of mine." He tapped his right ear. "Took a shuttlecock to the ear when I was sixteen, and I haven't been able to hear right ever since. I guess I should stop answerin' calls on that side of my head, huh?" He bounced on the balls of his feet and kept grinning at Dean, who was about to hit him anyway, just because he hated how happy the dude was, when Charlie came running up to them, breathless.

  
"I'm here! I'm here!" She gasped. "Dean, do NOT kill this man. He's just doing his job."

  
Dean started to protest, but Charlie held her left index finger to his lips and turned to Moving Van Guy. "Garth, I presume?" She asked as she held out her right hand, and Garth shook it enthusiastically. "Yes ma'am. The one and only. I was told you'd let me and my crew in so we could get started."

  
"Actually, Garth, I'm gonna need you to just hold off on that for a day or two."

  
"But, Mr. Novak said he'd give me a bonus if I got it packed in one day, and I'm in no kinda way to turn down a rich man's money."

  
Dean stared. "...um...Cas, rich? Since when? What the hell's going on here, Charlie?"

  
Before Charlie could respond, a young, awkward-looking kid with dirty blonde hair topped with a Minnesota Twins baseball cap walked up to them. He had his hands stuffed in the pockets of his torn jeans and was wearing a hoodie that was not nearly warm enough for the temperature.

  
"Hi, uh, I'm Adam. I overheard him call you Charlie...are you the person I talk to about driving Mr. Novak's car to Philly?"

  
"Philly? As in Philadelphia? Pennsylvania?!" Dean looked like his head was about to explode. A vein in his neck was pulsing erratically, and his hands were working into fists again.

  
"Listen, Garth, seriously. Just take your truck and go home for today, ok? I'll call you after I've talked to Mr. Novak. Trust me, you'll still get paid." Garth shook his head and ambled back to his truck where his crew was waiting.

Charlie turned to Adam. "I'm sorry. Adam, was it?" He nodded. "I'm sorry, Adam, but Mr. Novak no longer requires your services. Here's two hundred for your trouble." She shook two bills at him, which he gaped at, then snatched quickly before she could change her mind. Charlie turned him around by his shoulders, practically shoving him off the lawn. "Thanks for coming! Sorry for wasting your time!"  Charlie sighed and turned to look at her brother, who was glowering at her.

"Pennsylvania. Son of a bitch! How long have you known?"

  
"Dean. Calm down. Please?"

  
"How long, Charlie?"

  
"About a week...?" She cringed.

  
Dean rubbed a hand over his mouth and let out a dry, sarcastic laugh in defeat, shaking his head.

"Does he hate me so much that you felt comfortable lying to me about where he is?"

  
Charlie closed the gap between herself and Dean and gave him a hug. "No, Dean, that's why I'm here." She leaned back to look at him, arms still around his waist. "I agreed to help him move all his crap, never intending to go through with it, so that YOU," she jabbed him in the chest with her finger, "can go get your man."

  
Dean heard the words, but he was too wrapped up in confusion about the whole situation to process them. Charlie waited, but he still wasn't getting it.

  
She rolled her eyes. "I've got his address right here. He wouldn't actually tell me where he was until I threatened to fly down to Boston." He looked at her, surprised, but she continued. "Only he wasn't in Boston, it's just where he went after he got the letter from that lawyer...long story. Anyway, when he asked for my help moving his stuff, well, I figured that was your chance." She waited as comprehension slowly overtook Dean's confusion, and smiled. "He's expecting his car to be dropped off at this address. I think you should take it to him."

  
"Oh." His shoulders slumped, and then he straightened as he finally understood. "Oh! Yes! Fuck, yes. Ok. I can do this." He took a step back and glanced around, feeling a little lost. "Um, what do I do?"

  
"Let's go somewhere warmer so we can talk."


	32. Runnin' Down a Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically, this is the end, but there's an epilogue coming. Thank you for reading, and I hope you've enjoyed it so far.
> 
> ~~~~~

 

_I felt so good, like anything was possible_  
_I hit cruise control and rubbed my eyes_  
_The last three days the rain was un-stoppable_  
_It was always cold, no sunshine_

_I rolled on as the sky grew dark_  
_I put the pedal down to make some time_  
_There's something good waitin' down this road_  
_I'm pickin' up whatever's mine_

_Yeah runnin' down a dream_  
_That never would come to me_  
_Workin' on a mystery,_  
_Goin' wherever it leads_  
_Runnin' down a dream_

_Runnin' Down a Dream – Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers_

 

~~~~~ 

 

The next morning

Before the sun was up, a fresh faced and eager Dean parked his car next to the curb outside Castiel's old apartment. He was hangover free for the first time in over a month. He'd actually woken up before his alarm - though truth be told he could barely sleep for all the nervous energy he had - and he was starting to feel a glimmer of hope again. He sat for a few minutes, staring at the dash, rubbing his hand absently over the steering wheel. He was lost in nervous thought, realizing for the first time, hope aside, just how scared he was to see Castiel again.

"Dean."

Dean jumped and yelped, having forgotten that Charlie was in the front seat next to him. "Jesus Charlie! You scared me."

"Seriously, big brother. You've got a schedule to keep. Get outta your head and hop to it, Freckles! No time like the present to chase your dreams." She clapped her left hand on his shoulder and gave him her most dazzling smile, holding her right hand out in front of her, palm up, wiggling her fingers.

"Oh, is that all this is?" Dean teased. "Your big plan was just a ruse to get into my car's pants, wasn't it?"

"Busted!" She laughed and Dean joined in, hearing how foreign his laughter sounded to him. I haven't laughed since before Cas left. The thought hit him hard, and he cleared his throat.

"Ok, then. No time like the present." He carefully set the keys to his baby in Charlie's palm and gave her his most stern big brother look. "Put a mark on her and die, Charlene Celeste Singer. I'm not joking. Drive her like Miss Daisy is in the back seat. I know where you live."

"Relax! I've got this."

Dean raised an eyebrow, then reached over to give her a hug. "Thanks, sis. I owe you." He got out of the car and strode purposefully to Castiel's car in the parking lot behind the building and went to work. He started it to warm up the engine and get the heater and defrost working, cleared the snow and ice off the windows, checked the air pressure in the tires, and made sure all the lights and blinkers were functional for the long drive ahead. As soon as Charlie saw him steer the car out of the parking lot, she texted Castiel.

Charlie: Ur car and driver are on their way

Cas: Great, thanks. I owe you one.

_Oh, you have no idea. ___

~~~~~

Dean flipped on the radio in Castiel's car and was pleased to find it was already on the classic rock station. Tom Petty's Runnin' Down a Dream started playing, and Dean thought he couldn't have chosen a more fitting song for this moment in his life if he'd tried. He set the cruise control, got comfortable, and started to sing. The more he sang and the further he drove, the lighter he felt. The weight of the last month was being lifted from him and he felt a sense of freedom and fate and hope all swirling around him at the same time.

~~~~~

Dean had driven about eleven hours and was over seven hundred miles into his trip before he began to feel the oppressive weight of self doubt and insecurities creep up his spine. It was almost dinner time, and he was due for another rest stop anyway. The radio stations had all gone through their playlists multiple times, and he was beginning to get sick of The Rolling Stones. _Dear Rock Gods, please don't use that against me, and please don't tell Mick and Keith about this._

It was only late afternoon, but he'd started to feel the road weariness, making him seek out a hotel just outside of small town called Angola, Indiana for the remainder of the day and night. He yearned for a beer, or a couple shots of whiskey, but tamped down the mental craving before it consumed him. _Gotta keep a level head. Cas wouldn't want to see me as a hung over slob_. He threw his overnight bag onto the dresser, quickly ate a protein bar, downed a couple glasses of water, and relieved himself. He didn't bother turning on the tv or getting fully undressed. Instead, he left everything but his shoes and jacket on, crawled under the sheet of his overpriced room and settled into the pillows. He didn't even try to fight sleep, letting his heavy eyelids close while the peaceful bliss of his dreams took over.

~~~~~

Once again, Dean was up before the sun, and once again with a clear head. He showered, standing under the water until it ran cold, playing out every possible scenario with Castiel that came to mind. Two things were certain. One: he would be wearing his heart on his sleeve for all to see, and Two: he'd either leave happy, with a clear picture of the future, or he'd be told to go to hell. This time, though, he wouldn't let it break him. Waking up with a clear head two days in a row had given him a new outlook on his life, and a disdain over what he'd done with it for the last month. _I admit it, ok?_ He inwardly came to terms with himself. _I'm insecure and a mess inside, but I finally know what I want, and I have to try._ With a bit of a spring in his step, he put on clean clothes, and headed to the lobby to grab a free cup of coffee and a bagel from the continental breakfast bar, and checked out.

The second half of Dean's drive was just as uneventful as the first, with his only stops being quick tank fill-ups and bathroom breaks at the gas stations, or random stops at rest areas to stretch his legs and wolf down a protein bar and a drink from a vending machine. By 4 pm he'd put the last stretch of his thirteen hundred-something miles behind him as he finished the second leg of his road trip in just under under nine and a half hours. He drove through neighborhoods lined with row houses, following the voice commands of his phone's GPS, until he reached his destination near the university. Dean parked the car on the street, as instructed, and unfolded himself from the warm car to stretch. He shivered once the cold air hit him, and he briefly wished he'd remembered his gloves, at the very least.

He took the opportunity to fully appreciate the large, old buildings on the street. Each house was connected to one another, each one a different color, and each one with its own strong, historic sense of character. _Not for nothin', but Cas hasn't done too bad for himself out here_. He nodded to himself, still scanning up and down the street. _It's old... like historical old, but still better than the dump he was living in back home._ He brought the sheet of paper Charlie had given him out of his pocket and put the second address in his phone. With anticipation and nervousness jolting through him, he set out on foot to the place where the original driver of the car was supposed to meet Castiel for the exchange of keys and money, now that the car was safely parked. His phone told him it was only a three minute walk to the coffee shop, and as cold as it was outside, he didn't waste any time.

~~~~~

Dean stepped into the cozy coffee shop and was immediately hit by the wonderful aroma of freshly roasted and brewed coffee, as well as the din of the crowd of college students that were seeking shelter from the cold. He scanned the room, and almost immediately, his eyes landed on the profile of a familiar face and dark head of hair. Castiel had his back to the door, but was turned slightly in his chair, talking with a shorter, blonde-ish man who looked to be a few years younger than him. He was leaned in close, a hand on the man's shoulder, saying something in his ear. The man laughed, and then his eyes fell on Dean. With the smile still on his lips, the man held eye contact with him as he leaned in close to Castiel to reply to him. Dean felt a swirl of jealousy and disappointment edge up his spine, and he turned to leave, no longer convinced this was a sane or rational or very smart thing he was doing.

~~~~~

Castiel leaned in close to his brother, sitting across the table from him, in order to be heard over the many voices in the coffee shop. He shared a joke his dad used to make about coffee, which made the man laugh. His brother's eyes were trained on something beyond Castiel's head, and just as he was about to turn and look, he leaned forward and spoke into Castiel's ear.

"Uh, Cassie, I think that dude's staring at us."

Castiel whipped his head around, hoping to find the kid who was supposed to be dropping his car off. So far, he was running about a half hour late. He didn't see anyone standing there looking at them, so he turned back to his brother.

"Which dude? There's nobody there."

"Well, I'm fairly certain he was staring, but he's gone now. Pity. He was cute, too, with his twinkly green eyes...and that layered flannel and leather look? If I swung that way, I'd be all over it."

Castiel stood up so fast he knocked his chair over, and he searched the room frantically, ignoring the stares of the people around him. He was one hundred percent certain that the man his brother had just described had been Dean. He turned back to his brother and practically shouted, "Which way did he go!?"

His brother's mouth hung open in shock, but he pointed out the door and hooked his thumb to the right, and watched as Castiel took off at a sprint out the door.

Castiel all but erupted out the door, turned right, and saw a man, about a block down the sidewalk, who matched the description his brother had given him. He walked briskly towards him to catch up, noting the leather, the blue flannel shirt he could see poking out from under the jacket, the brown boots, the faded blue jeans, and the tell-tale, slightly bow legged stride. The man's hands were in his jacket pockets and his collar was turned up against the cold, but Castiel knew it was Dean. His heart skipped a beat, or maybe two or three, and his stomach flipped. He was conflicted, and struggled with himself about whether he should turn around and let him go, or call out to him. He chose to call out.

"Dean?"

The man didn't turn around, so he jogged closer and said again, "Dean!?"

Dean stopped mid stride and turned to face him, slowly, with a dazed expression on his face, and tears in his eyes. Castiel very nearly launched himself onto Dean, but caught himself, and held back, unsure of how to proceed. When he woke up that morning, there was no way he would have thought he'd be seeing the love of his life on a sidewalk in Philadelphia, in the dead of winter, with tears in his eyes. He stood perfectly still, staring, wide-eyed and unbelieving.

Dean couldn't speak. He was too afraid that if he opened his mouth, the tears that threatened to spill would never stop falling. He'd hoped for a second chance, or at least a chance to explain himself. He didn't think his heart could hurt more than it already did, until he saw the love of hiS life sitting closely to and laughing with another man. Now he understood completely why Castiel had left. The want, no, the NEED to turn and run away from the pain that gripped his heart, that drove the air out of his lungs, was nearly overwhelming. He held his ground.

They both stood and stared at each other, the bitter, biting wind whipping around them, until Castiel's brother came jogging up. He stopped and looked from Castiel to Dean, and back again. "So, Cassie, is this the infamous Dean-o-Rama? He's cuter than you described. Were you holding out on me, big brother?" He flashed a ridiculously cheesy grin at Dean who just gaped at him.

"Shut up, Gabriel. Go back to the hotel. I'll call you later," Castiel replied, never taking his eyes off of Dean.

Dean was rooted to Castiel's gaze, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Gabriel turn and walk away, and heard him muttering to himself.

Dean finally found his voice, and no tears spilled, but the wind stung his eyes and his words were hindered by the cold. "Br – brother?" He shivered. "I Th – thought..."

"Dean," Castiel said softly. He reached out towards Dean, but dropped his hand, suddenly feeling extremely awkward. "My dad died. I went to Boston to settle the will. I found out I have three half siblings. It's a long story. Let's go back to my house. To get warmed up, that is." Suddenly, as if he'd turned on a word fountain in his mouth, he found he couldn't stop talking. "You're not wearing a hat. You should be wearing a warm hat, Dean. And gloves. Most of a human's heat is lost through the head and the extremities. Did you know that nearly a thousand people, in this country alone, die from hypothermia each year? And – "

"Cas," said Dean with a smile, "Shut up."

Castiel stopped talking and smiled back at Dean, then turned to lead the way back to his house.

It was only a three minute walk, but to Dean, it felt like an eternity. They both kept silent, and Dean couldn't keep his eyes off of Castiel. He looked good, if a little too thin, maybe, and had a nearly full beard grown on his face and down his neck. It looked good on him, though, and Dean wanted to bury his face in it. He kept stealing glances at Castiel every few feet, smiling to himself despite the inevitable possible let-down he could receive. All the pep talks he'd given himself, all the over thinking he'd fried his brain with, and all the worrying he'd done on the drive had done nothing to prepare him for actually seeing the man he loved, flesh and blood, standing within arm's reach... and the fact that couldn't, or shouldn't touch him was driving him mad.

~~~~~

Once they were both safely inside Castiel's house, out of the wind, Castiel took Dean's coat and hung it next to his own beside the door. He indicated that Dean should remove his boots, which was probably a good idea, otherwise he'd track snow all over. It also gave Dean the hope that he'd be there for more than just a few minutes. Castiel turned and headed to the living room down the short hallway from the foyer, and Dean followed, hesitantly. When Castiel sat down on one of the two armchairs instead of the couch, Dean did likewise, so that they were facing one another. So right down to business then.

"Cas...- " "Dean...- "

They both began at the same time, and both gave a nervous laugh.

"You go," Dean said as he leaned forward, elbows on his knees, at the same time both eager to hear what he'd been up to, and dreading what he'd say about why he left.

Castiel stood, paced a few steps, and sat back down. He looked as nervous and weary as Dean felt.

"Dean...I don't understand why you're here. Did you drive here with Adam Milligan? And if so, where is he? I owe him the agreed upon sum for driving my car to me. For that matter, where is my furniture?"

Dean sighed and leaned back into the chair. "I drove your car here by myself. Charlie payed Adam off so I could do this. I had to see you, Cas, and nobody knew where the hell you were until you needed your stuff." Dean sounded tired. He felt tired. He suddenly just wanted this to be over, so he stood up. Not really knowing what to do with his hands, he shoved them in his jeans pockets.

"This is fucked up. And confusing. And I'm just really sick of feeling like this."

"Dean..."

"No, Cas, look. I have something to say, and you're gonna let me say it. I'm gonna lay it all out for you, and then I promise I'll go," Dean said in a surprisingly no-nonsense and confident tone. Castiel pursed his lips and nodded. He folded his hands in his lap, and cocked his head to the side, indicating he was willing to listen.  Dean stood a little taller, head up, and let it all out.

"Driving over a thousand miles was like therapy for me, Cas. I had my head in a bottle for over a month, mourning a loss that I didn't do anything to deserve." He began pacing, because it did wonders for helping him channel his nervous energy.

"I didn't kiss Fergus, Cas. He kissed me, and I pushed him on his ass. I don't know what you saw, but it wasn't me cheating on you. I refused him, and I should have kicked him while he was down. He left, and hasn't been back. I tried texting you a million times, and I left voicemails explaining it, so you should know all of this by now." He stopped and raised an eyebrow questioningly.

Castiel hung his head and felt ashamed. "I deleted the texts before I could read them. I didn't want the temptation. And I never listened to the voicemails. Not from anyone. I thought I needed to let you go and get over you, Dean."

Dean let out an exasperated sigh and started pacing again. "Unbelievable. You know what? I'm done feeling like an ass, and like I made a mistake when all I did was stand my ground and tell him I had someone in my life already." Cas gave a small gasp, and Dean stopped pacing, stood in front of Castiel and looked at him pointedly.

"I told him I wasn't alone, Cas, and God help me, it was the first time I felt strong enough to tell him to go to hell and mean it. I was the one who turned him in - the reason he was in jail - but I was never free of him 'til I met you. Of course, he didn't believe me, or he didn't care, and he kissed me, and that's what you saw. And Goddammit, Cas, you ran out and assumed the worst of me immediately, without letting me explain. I really thought I meant more to you than that, you know?"  Castiel remained silent, finally realizing how wrong he was, and how much he'd given up by walking away. He didn't bother wiping the tears that had formed. He let them spill over his cheeks instead. Dean came to kneel in front of him and put his hands on his knees.

"Cas, listen. I love you. It'll hurt like hell if you don't love me back, but I'll understand. I know where the door is, and I'll leave, but I finally get it. This happiness thing?  I had it, and I want it back.  You and Charlie, Sam - hell, my whole family helped me see that. Everything I want is right here in front of me, if you'll have me."

Dean watched Castiel closely for any indication that he still wanted him when Castiel nodded slowly, and looked up at him with his crystal blue eyes shining and cheeks wet. That was all Dean needed. He threw himself forward and wrapped his arms around Castiel's shoulders, hugging him fiercely, as if he was afraid he'd slip away. He hauled himself up to his feet bringing Castiel with him, and tightened the hug, finally burying his face into Castiel's scruffy neck. He breathed deeply. "I've missed you so much," he said as he nuzzled his skin.

Castiel became painfully hard almost instantly. A month without Dean had felt like an eternity, and his body was at Defcon 1, maximum readiness, imminent reaction status. He took Dean's hand and led him to the master bedroom where they made quick work of shedding their clothes and making up for lost time.

~~~~~

Later that night

Dean and Castiel were lying together, arms and legs wrapped around each other, sated and exhausted. Castiel was still trying to catch his breath and Dean was somewhere between blissful happiness and comatose when he remembered he needed to text Charlie and Ellen. He reached for his pants that were lying in the floor beside the bed and blindly grabbed for his phone. He found it and brought it up to his face to fire off a quick couple of messages before he passed out.

Dean: Made it to PA. Gonna take the week. Will u cover me?

Ellen: Anything for you. Take your time you deserve a vacation. Love you

++

Dean: Have the moving guy take Cas' stuff to my place. Garage is fine

Charlie: Yay! I'm so beyond happy for u! Love u big bro!

~~~~~

Dean silenced his phone and let it fall back on the floor. Just as he was about to fall asleep he remembered something from two days earlier.

"Cas?" He mumbled against Castiel's hair.

"Hmmm?" Castiel responded sleepily.

"Are you rich?"

 

**THE END (but stay tuned for the epilogue!)**


	33. Epilogue

Six Months Later...

 

Castiel stood at Dean's front door, a duffel bag of dirty clothes in one hand and a six pack of beer in the other. He was finally finished with his double degree in Classical Languages and Literature, and World Religion. He'd decided to stay in Philly a little longer to earn a certificate in Teaching English as a Second Language, so that he could teach night classes at the University once he got back. It wasn't like he needed the money, but he wanted to do something worthwhile with his degree, since it took him so long to get it.

It was July, and it was ungodly hot for an upper Midwest state, so Castiel was dressed in his finest AC/DC tank top, black running shorts, and leather sandals. It wasn't the way he wanted to make his grand re-entrance into Dean's life after six months of long distance dating, but his car had no air conditioning, and the drive from Pennsylvania was brutal.

Dean opened the door, not expecting him for another few hours, and did a double take.

"Hi, honey, I'm finally home!" Castiel grinned.

Dean launched himself out the door and into Castiel's arms, nearly knocking him over onto the driveway, and proceeded to cover him with kisses.

"Dean, I'm all sweaty!"

"I don't care." More kisses. "I haven't seen you in almost a month."

"We just skyped from the road last night..." He dropped his bag, but held on to the beer.

"It's not the same." He nibbled at the tender spot on Castiel's neck, below his right ear. "I can't taste you through a phone screen, Cas."

Castiel groaned, and his knees went weak. He said, feebly, "I brought beer."

Dean let out a growl that was somehow both possessive and annoyed. He picked up the bag and tossed it through the open door, then picked Castiel up, put him over his shoulder in a fireman's carry, and practically ran through the door, kicking it closed behind him.

Castiel's squeal of surprise at being picked up turned into a heated moan of passion that, had anyone been standing outside the house, would have made them blush.

 

~~~~~

 

Three more months Later...

 

Castiel stood in front of the new industrial ovens and grill top, admiring the tile floor, new paint and counter tops, new sinks, and other state of the art amenities in the newly remodeled kitchen of The Salvage Yard. He hadn't gone into the bar since it had closed for remodeling, because he wanted to be surprised in the big reveal, so he had no idea what to expect when Dean led him through the back door with a hand over his eyes.

Dean stood behind Castiel, his arms wrapped around him. He watched as Castiel took in the updates to the room. "This kitchen is fantastic, Dean. I can't wait to cook in here!"

"I'm glad, Cas. I bet our customers can't wait to eat your cooking." He smiled against Castiel's shoulder. "Let's go see the bar and dining room."

Dean took Castiel's hand and led him through the swinging doors and out into the new, and very large dining room that was now slightly separated from the updated bar area. It was all redone in modest, muted shades of red with dark wood trim, light brown leather and low lighting. It was SO Dean. It complimented everything about him, to Castiel, down to the earthy colors and masculine feel.

"I'm so impressed, Dean. This is beautiful."

"Can you believe this is all ours now?" Dean said into the softness of Castiel's hair as he hugged him from behind once again, inhaling the sweet, fresh scent.

"It's amazing what you were able to do with it in such a short amount of time. You're amazing."

"What WE were able to do, Cas. This place is yours now, too, and we have the papers to prove it." Dean turned Castiel around in his arms and looked at him with a serious and sincere expression on his face. "I couldn't have done it without you, ya know. If it wasn't for your inheritance..." He trailed off.

"Dean, it's ok. It's been a year since he died. I mean, I was angry at my father, at first, that all I had left of him was money. I realized quickly, though, that he was actually thinking about me after he left, you know? He didn't forget me. It's still a giant bag of nuts that he never called or wrote or visited... and he never told me that I had siblings after he left, but in the end, because of him, I was able to do so much. I met my brothers and sister, I finished college, and I got to help you with the bar." Castiel paused to kiss Dean lightly, and pull him in for a hug. "The point I'm trying to make, Dean, is that it's OUR money. What's mine is yours, and I don't care about how we spend it. I just want you to be happy."

"Good, because I seriously have this overwhelming need to share everything I have with you, Cas. I don't care what it is. Not my car, though - I mean, c'mon - but my food, my clothes, my house, my bar, my uh, my name... and, you know...kids..."

Castiel stiffened in Dean's arms. "Kids?" He said, surprised.

"Oh, uh...yeah? I mean, I've always wanted kids, and..." He saw the wide-eyed look on Castiel's face and scrambled for the right words. "I mean, if you don't want... we never... I don't need... it's not..."

Castiel took Dean's face in his hands and kissed him. "Stop. I would love to have kids. Especially your kids."

"Uh, Cas, I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way for us." Dean grinned.

Castiel blushed. "You know what I meant." He smiled, and looked a little embarrassed. "This is going to sound really silly, but we never talked about it formally. I just wasn't sure you felt the same way. About kids, that is."

Dean huffed and shook his head. "Yeah, I guess we got caught up in everything else. I can't believe we've never talked about it."

Castiel blushed again. "I just kind of hoped you'd feel the same way I did, which is why I was so happy when you let me take over the renovations of the house while you worked on the bar..."

It was Dean's turn to look surprised. "Wait. What are you saying?"

"Dean, we're adding two more bedrooms, a dining room and expanding the living room. You said I could do whatever I wanted to the house, and I figured we'd need at least four bedrooms fo- "

Castiel squeaked as Dean aggressively grabbed him for another hug, squeezing him hard around the waist. When he could breath again, he continued. "With the money, I figure we can start thinking about adoption."

Dean couldn't stop grinning. "Wait 'til Ellen hears about this. She's gonna lose her shit. Don't get me wrong, she's happy with Sammy and Jess and their little princess, but she’s been bugging some of us for more grand babies. This will blow her freaking mind."

Castiel scrambled for a reason to keep this bit of news quiet for the time being, because there was something more important that they - he - needed to make sure was done first. "Wait, Dean... um, let's wait a while to tell her, though, ok? I don't want to get their hopes up if the process falls through."

Dean thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, fair point."

 

~~~~~

  
Two More Weeks Later...

 

Dean and Castiel gathered their employees in the kitchen for a pep talk before the grand re-opening of The Salvage Yard. They'd added a couple of new employees here and there, over the last year. Castiel let Dean take the lead, and Dean put his hands on the shoulders of the two youngest employees, Claire Tran and Becky Rosen. Claire, a petite blonde all of nineteen years old, met Kevin when Dean hired her as a server. She and Kevin had a brief, whirlwind romance during his final months of thesis research, and they got married in Vegas immediately after he'd finished writing his thesis, as a celebration. So far, they were happy, although Dean had lost a cook since Kevin had gone back to Philadelphia, briefly, to defend his thesis. He'd be back soon, though, to start his new job as an associate professor at the local university. He'd also hired local college kids Chet, Bart, Becky, Eve, Tessa and Meg as the dish washers, busters, hostess, and servers a couple of weeks prior to the re-opening, and although they were all trained, they were jumping into the job on what would likely be one of the busiest days of year.

"Ok, gang, you think you're ready for this? It's the grand re-opening, and a one-time-only buffet, which means lots of hungry and thirsty people. Our regulars have been waiting for months to get back in here to eat and drink, and let me tell you...they sure can put away the food and beer! I need you to be on your toes out there, ok? Becky, don't let Rufus rile you. He's gruff on the outside, but he's a teddy bear, and he tips well. Just keep the drinks flowing behind the bar, ok? Claire, Charlie, Meg and Tessa, you girls keep the drinks refilled and the dirty dishes cleared out in the dining room. Chet and Bart, you'll keep the clean dishes coming, and help refill the buffet. Eve, you know the layout, and you're the best hostess in town, so I know you'll pack 'em in tight!" He clapped his hands and let out a sharp whistle through his teeth. "We can do this, guys! Let's rock!"

Everyone scattered, and Dean and Castiel went out to the front to open the doors to the public. First in line through the door were Dean's family, followed closely by Castiel's half brothers and sister Gabriel, Ezekiel and Anna. Dean hadn't been sure how the siblings would respond when he invited them to the event, but he had hoped they wanted every opportunity to connect with each other like Castiel did. Dean had only met them all once over the last year, but he liked them, and knew his family would, too. Now that the possibility of adding kids to their lives had come up, he wanted Castiel's family around as much as possible. He was getting sappy and sentimental, and it was all Castiel's fault, but he wouldn't have changed a thing.

Dean and Castiel stood just inside the new, double doors to the restaurant and greeted their regulars, who all took turns hugging them, shaking their hands, or clapping them on the back before they went to Eve to be seated. When the last in line, for the moment, finally made their way in, Dean and Castiel let the doors close, and moved over near the bar where their families were mingling.

Dean made a bee-line for Jess, and grabbed the baby, Mary Ellen, from her arms. He ignored Jess's sounds of protest, and instead made raspberries at the baby to get her to smile and laugh. Castiel watched from a few feet away, smiling, when Ellen and Gabriel stopped beside him.

"The daddy role looks good on him, little bro," Gabriel said as he slapped Castiel on the back.

Ellen nodded. "Agreed. He looks happy."

"I know. He's great with kids, and seeing him with a baby in his arms is..." Castiel trailed off and sighed, and Ellen put her hand on his arm.

"He found a good man in you, Castiel. I'm glad he talked some sense into you."

"Thanks, Ellen. I'm just sorry I let my insecurities get the best of me, you know? Dean didn't deserve that."

"No, he didn't. But you're here now, kid. There's something to be said for that. Loyalty and love will get you a long way in this family."

"Yeah, Cassie." Gabriel piped up. "You're here, you're both happy, and you've got this awesome place." He gestured around, then his eyes found Castiel's and he winked very exaggeratedly. "So, what's next, wink, wink?"

_For crap's sake, he actually SAID wink wink. Who does that?_ Castiel shook his head at his brother, trying to scold him with his mind.

Ellen witnessed the exchange and her eyes narrowed at Castiel, but she let it go. "Well, boys, if you don't mind, I'm gonna go grab the little one. I need a baby fix. I'm gonna be an old lady before Jo ever gets pregnant, and since Charlie and Dot don't want kids, I gotta get my baby time in while I can."

Castiel grinned and mumbled as she walked away. "Well, hold on to your ass, because I have a surprise."

Gabriel walked over to the juke box and flipped the power switch off, as was part of Castiel's plan. Music was ingrained in every fiber of Castiel's soul, and Dean's life was set to music as well, but for this he wanted silence. All he wanted tied to this was the sounds of the bar and restaurant, and presence of family, friends, and Dean's loyal customers... and for Dean's answer to be heard without anything in the way.

Ellen, who had the baby in her arms - much to Dean's disappointment - put a hand over her mouth as her eyes welled with tears. Dean, with his back to Castiel, having just handed over the baby, stared at her like she'd lost her mind. When he realized the music had stopped, and so had most of the conversation, he took in the look of surprise on the faces in front of him as their eyes fixed on something behind him. He was too afraid to look. He couldn't bear to turn around and see something bad, like his bar on fire, or something worse, like Fergus standing there. Finally, Sam pointed, and said "Dean, dude, just turn around."

Dean turned slowly, and there, down on one knee with a huge grin on his face, was Castiel. His hand was shaking as he held a simple black and silver engagement band out to Dean.

"Dean Winchester, now that I've got my head out of my ass, will you marry me?"

Dean didn't say anything. He didn't take the ring. He stood, rooted in place, almost disbelieving. In the span of a few seconds, a million things went through his head. Especially his misplaced doubt in himself. Everything he'd thought about how he imagined his life was going to be... sad, lonely, depressing... and how he thought he was never going to have a moment like this one, ripped through his mind. Then, as suddenly as it started, the fear and doubt subsided and a sense of calm took over.

Dean really looked at Castiel, seeing clearly, the man he loved down one one knee, wearing his heart on his sleeve and holding a promise in his hand. He shook himself mentally and took a few steps forward, closing the distance between them. He got down on his knees in front of Castiel, took the ring, and put it on his finger.

He smiled. "Yes, Cas. Yes, I'll marry you." Dean grabbed Castiel and kissed him like his life depended on it, leaving Castiel out of breath as the cheers and tears erupted around them. The two of them stayed on the floor, on their knees, holding hands and staring at each other with big, goofy grins.

"I've had these things in my pocket for six months, trying to find the right moment," Castiel said, as he brought out a matching band and slipped it on his own finger.

"Please tell me this means Ellen's gonna get more grand babies, Dean. It's all she talks about anymore," Bobby said, his voice clouded with the emotion he was trying hard not to show.

Dean stood, bringing Castiel with him, not letting go of his hand or looking away from his eyes. "Yeah, about that. We're adding two more bedrooms to the house..."

  
~~~~~

  
The REAL End


End file.
